How do I tell my friend that I'm uncomfortable about her dating stories?

[Anonymous]

We've been friends since quite few years. She often tells me her dating stories and I understand that she doesn't say these things to me because she needs suggestions or advice, she wants to talk about these things. She keeps on getting into relationships, it's usually very good for 3-4 months and then one day she'll tell me that she broke up. Oftentimes I've felt like it's her who is at fault in this situation as she never wants to resolve any fight, usually one fight is all it takes for her to breakup. Talking calmly would've solved a lot of issues in those conditions I believe. However, she doesn't like hearing criticism. Still, after her last breakup I told her that she needs to take a little break before jumping into another relationship so that she understands what she wants from a partner. Also it's better if the journey from the talking stage to relationship is longer than a week. She listened to these things half-heartedly.

Recently she is telling me about her dates with her teacher from school, he can be older than her parents. The idea of a 24-year-old dating a 50+ person (who was once upon her teacher) made me uncomfortable as a 23-year-old. While it's her personal choice, I don't like hearing about it, also because of the fact that she keeps telling me that it's him who made the first move and said that he always liked her (that is creepy). How do I express my discomfort without ruining our friendship?

[HollyK21]

Your friend literally sounds like my ex best friend of 15+ years to the T, it’s actually interesting how similar these women are when it comes to men and how they deal with them. Notice how I said ex, that’s because without talking about men (her men in particular) we had nothing else to talk about in her opinion.


Friendships need substance to thrive and we are not walls for our friends just to bounce their thoughts off of. We have voices, opinions and other interests that these friends of ours have shown time and time again that they don’t really want to be apart of. Directly saying you don’t want to talk about this or that guy gets you iced out or shut down and other topics are short lived before being redirected back to men in some way. It’s exhausting and I don't know if there’s a healthy way to continue on with friends like these.

[SueShe]

You will have to tell her that her stories make you feel uncomfortable and that you don't like to hear them because they put you in a situation that you would rather avoid.

You can tell her that it works you up to hear those accounts and that you would prefer to be spared because it reminds you of other people that were in a similar situation and that worked you up.

Most likely, she will feel a bit disappointed but you have to tell her that you just don't like to hear about those negative outcomes because she deserves better.

[DryGermanGuy]

Her name isn’t Angela Hayes, by any chance? 😵‍💫🫣

[In_Trance]

You don't