Why do people act like looks aren’t a factor in finding a partner?

Question

I don’t mean to say only conventionally attractive people will find partners or be in fulfilling relationships. But you can’t deny that it helps A LOT. So why do so many people act like this isn’t a factor in how often you get approached or how many prospects you have. You even get bettet treatment from the opposite sex if you’re good looking. So what are these people on about when they say looks don’t matter? 😑

To give an example, I saw a woman post on social media the other day about how much more attention she gets from guys now that she’s had several plastic surgeries, only for someone to comment “well maybe you’re just more confident now sweetie” Like are you for real? Why do people act like this?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Because not everyone looks at love and relationships based off of looks , Looks are
Important to most people , but not important to everyone , people can be attracted to someone for their personality, or the way they present themselves as a person , they can be attracted to their heart or their good moral values , or the way they have a lot in common with each other etc… . Beauty comes from the eye of the beholder , so just because you might not think someone looks attractive, it doesn’t
mean they aren’t attractive to someone else , they just aren’t attractive in your eyes. Why a lot of times people will say ewww why is she with him or why is he with her? they can do so much better than that. So It just goes to show beauty and attraction comes from the eye of the beholder. Now someone that is considered attractive from a lot of people , unfortunately can have a harder time finding someone to be in a relationship with , mainly because people that are considered attractive get judged and criticized for their looks , because people automatically assume that attractive person is a player and that they have no dignity or respect for anyone else but themselves. Sadly we live in a judgmental world , where people easily just assume things and think they are right when really they are wrong about that person. So many beautiful attractive people get mocked and criticized for their beauty and have no clue they are even considered attractive to begin with A lot of people in general, are their own worst enemy when it comes to being attractive, and when someone tells them they are attractive? they can have a hard time believing they are attractive. When a girl tells me I am hot or attractive , I sometimes have a hard time believing her and just assume she is being nice or she must have problems with her vision lol. But I realized if someone finds me attractive or beautiful not their eyes , then they are more than likely telling the truth , considering I wouldn’t tell someone they are attractive or beautiful, if I didn’t mean it , those words wouldn’t even come out of my mouth if i didn’t think a girl looked beautiful or attractive to my eyes.

Zack-Bann · Accepted Answer

Plastic surgery isn’t real looks
In fact 9/10 times it makes the person uglier
Diet, exercise, good hygiene, skin&hair care
Those are things that can create true attraction
the size of someone’s nose or cheeks becomes irrelevant when the full package is on point

And yes looks DO matter.
A lot.

I went to a party with a couple of guys I didn’t know that well, one is tall and somewhat in shape like I am and the other is short, balding, hairy arms, unshaven face, thick glasses, belly fat

I kid you not: me and the first guy would stand around and girls would come up and talk to us and laugh at anything we have to say to them

He got rejected in the most mean ways possible
Girls gave him the finger just for saying hi
walked away mid conversation
Started making out with other guys in front of him

It was brutal.

Now technically none of us ended up with any girls but me and the other guy walked away with our dignity, we had some fun.

He walked away pretending to be ok

And all this came down to looks
Because he’s a fun person, he can talk make jokes be insightful
To a girl at first site that seems not to matter whatsoever

evie56 · Accepted Answer

honestly i believe in “pretty privilege”. 3 years ago i had a glow up and a year later, another one and let me tell you the difference in how i am treated as compared to before baffled me!
the only annoying thing is most guys either think i’m already in a relationship and do not approach me or either approach me from a one night stand’s pov.

Valdemort · Accepted Answer

It's probably a bit of both. People who feel good about themselves obviously express more confidence.

Though with regards to your question, looks definitely matter without a doubt... attraction is mandatory, however in the long run, for most people personality is decisive.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

It’s a defense mechanism, mostly.
Sometimes we don’t want to admit we’re not as pretty as we want to be, unless it might foster sympathy that we can use to our advantage. We almost never want to admit our vanity, because it’s seen as being conceited or pompous.
The fairy tale about love being about souls and whatever other nonsense allows people to believe that they are somehow morally superior. Love is a series of chemical reactions that nearly universally begin with physical attraction. Also nearly universally, people are attracted to symmetry in the face and body. Other details are significantly more subjective, but objective beauty has been quantified to symmetry.

HawkPerception · Answer

I think the people that say they don't care about looks are lying to themselves and everyone around them. We are biologically wired to be attracted to specific physical traits. It's why models are always more desired than the average person. Because the majority find them extremely attractive.

Society has become a soft place where no one is allowed to say truth because then they'll be labeled as a prejudice scumbag.

Now I'm not saying that physical looks is all that's necessary. Far from it. It doesn't matter how physically attractive you are if you have a shitty personality. But physical attraction definitely will BOOSTS desirability.

ohsheeT · Answer

Everything is a factor
It just depends on how you prioritize each factor Some things are more important to other people than someone else

I'll use myself.
As an example I do like A beautiful girl but first thing I look at is her eyes You're a quick really fast glance at her

If I'd like then I'd look into her eyes. I want to know who she is. As a person I want to know she's smart intelligent Wise Happy confident
And of course once I figure all that out I'll look at her on the outside again Because once I understand Who she is on the inside that

That also reflexed Who she is on the outside But I think everything is a factor which is prioritized. a little different

AviatorTom · Answer

Realistically, physical looks is what originally attracts people. Then, the more important aspects... intelligence, beliefs, personality... kick in.

Some people are insecure about how they look, and try to downplay the physical attractiveness, sometimes with poor results.

DishLady · Answer

For some people it's not a PRIMARY concern.

14gurlz2gagonit · Answer

I just got through telling a guy to worry about going to the gym more than he should worry about buying the right car to get women. I can't help but feel like that bit of advice shouldn't even need to be said or that my advice is going to be ignored completely.

I mean it's so basic and I know it works... but she's going to opt for wacky eyebrows instead that looks like a surprised clown or he's going to buy a car just to appeal to a woman's greed instead.

I just think it's the lazy part of us at work. It's what makes us ignore the work they did and say it's just because of some personality talent they have that I don't. Because recognizing the work that got the real looks would force me to accept I need to do more work... and we can't let the idea of doing hard work float around.

conanbdetective · Answer

Looks get you through more doors, don't get it twisted. Those that say it's not is either in denial or is attractive that they don't think about their own looks.

Second, the less visible insecurities you have about yourself, the easier you go about your social interactions. If she feels like she's more confident now that she's done the surgery, all the power to her.

Cosmetic surgery, to me, is just an extension of make-up. It enhances the features and it can go out of hand just as fast.

There's a level of attractiveness that we all seek out in a partner.

AndrésC64 · Answer

I agree with you. Anyone who says that looks didn't play a role is lying. When you first see someone, what they look like is obviously the only thing you have to go on. And it's been shown that traditionally good looking people be do receive special treatment and everything from dating to jobs to promotions. It's simply a fact of life. We are animals and as such we find certain things attractive just like every other animal. We find symmetry attractive and asymmetry not attractive. That's simply a fact of life and being an animal, which we are.

Grond21 · Answer

It's an overcorrection against those who treat looks as if that's all that matters. They correctly see that it's shallow to prioritize looks so highly, but instead of reacting in a way that balances looks and personality, they overcorrect and dismiss looks entirely.

hahahmm · Answer

Looks can only help you get non serious relationships. You need more than looks to get a serious relationship so maybe they're talking about that. Also not everyone even wastes time on "partnerships" with people who have nothing to offer but looks.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"You even get better treatment from the opposite sex if you’re good looking"

I don't think it's better treatment per se, it's more attention received, for superficial reasons which makes people easily dubious regarding their intents. Also, attention encompasses the wanted and unwanted ones.

As for your question, I've yet to listen to anyone well-rounded saying that looks aren't a factor

OneViewpoint · Answer

People are desperate to color inside the socially acceptable lines. It's considered shallow and rude to base your decisions on looks. However for 99.9999% of us looks are a primary criteria for attraction. Get over it. Looks matter. The way you dress matters. Good grooming matters. That stuff isn't the only thing that matters. But pretending it's not important in mate selection is denying reality.

HarveyLaw · Answer

Imho, it is just to pretend they are evolved enough to not be affected by good looking people. This is hardwired in our primal instincts even more than the beauty standards of the moment. In the end of the day, you want to be sexually attracted to your partner otherwise you and them would be just good friends.

Anonymous · Answer

You want the God's honest truth and i said this recently to someone i truly deeply love with all my heart when she kept obsessing over getting a boob job... i flat out told her she doesn't need it her breasts were fine the way they are. If a woman doesn't need plastic surgery then she shouldn't get it. Why put her body at risk for just for superficial cosmetic shit she doesn't need that's foolish. At the time when she was obsessing about getting her boobs done with unnecessary cosmetic surgery i was more concerned about her health than anything else. She had already undergone 2 lumps and i didn't want anything happening to her from taking any unnecessary risks that's how much i love her. That type of stuff didn't matter to me when it came to her because i already knew what i felt in my heart about her

Anonymous · Answer

People are hypocrites. When people want someone, they say "loyalty and honesty are more important", but they always like people with better appearance and even want to think about serious relationships with them. Appearance is everything. People who do not look good are never respected.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Only people who are insecure about their looks make the claim that looks don't matter.

Looks are 50% of relationships, the other 50% being common ground (interests, hobbies, needs, personality, etc.)

But the 50% that is looks is very important because without sexual attraction, a relationship remains a platonic friendship instead of graduating to a romantic relationship.

SotiCoto · Answer

Because it isn't always predictable.
Because even if looks ARE always a factor, some people have completely different tastes to others.
Basically, no matter how far off the average bell-curve someone is, there are always going to be a few folks out there who have exactly that difference as their personal fetish.

Counterclocking · Answer

Some people don’t want to admit the truth. As for me looks matter. However, they’re not everything that matters. It’s like a cake, you don’t just eat the icing and you don’t just eat the cake. Looks are the icing and the cake is the personality. You eat both the icing and the cake. Of course a cake tastes better with icing.

nawtee_me · Answer

When it comes to looks I can say this. Of all the girls I have dated not one was less than a 20 to me. Others might see them as a 2 or 3 but to me they are all 10’s…. So whether looks is suggestive or a big deal, it is still in the eyes of the beholder….

NicholasRedone · Answer

@hghhhhhhhhhh it's so important yet no one should base their worth or their health on that 💓👍🏻

Anonymous · Answer

They them selves don't care about looks for various reasons and hold the belief looks aren't important to others. Encountered a user here that's convinced looks aren't important.

DonaldDarko · Answer

They don't want to face the truth. They don't want to think about the ramifications of that. That these relationships might not really be as meaningful as they wish they were.

Professor-college · Answer

Well I believe you don't have to be with someone who looks like that model but at the same time this person must be to your liking at least a little bit because if it isn't you're going to be feeling temptation all the time for someone else and that wouldn't be fair for this person you love

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I wasn't aware that was something anyone said/says? It seems like a pretty well understood thing that looks and appearance matter a great deal.

Babygirl_S · Answer

Most Men: Her filth is a rainbow if she looks good to me. Nothing else matters more.

Me (one woman who also counts): He looks good but there’s no way his filth is my rainbow. If he tries, he gets a big slap from me.

Likes2drive · Answer

I guess they are kidding themselves and hoping that the other sex doesn’t care too much about looks either since we all know that looks is what gets the attention first before someone actually gets to know somebody

zagor · Answer

WHO acts like that? It is pretty obvious to everyone. Maybe the woman you mention really doesn't look as much better as she thinks and that comment is a polite way of pointing that out.

beenherebefore · Answer

Oh I surely make it very obvious that being attracted to my partner is a MUST.

Reem12345reem · Answer

bc most people are shallow so looks are important ,

Iron_Man · Answer

people settle for anything fall in love when first looking they wouldn’t even think about dating them

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Looks and money are all that matters to women. They'll put up with physical abuse for years for money. They are parasites.

bddddd · Answer

Relationships are 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.

DrPepper12 · Answer

I don't know ANYONE who denies looks are primary importance

WonderingManII · Answer

Looks helps bring people to you, but you need an attractive personality to keep them.

Godihateyou · Answer

Because they aren't. If they were i wouldn't have married a hot chick and had 3 beautiful daughters

robocop666 · Answer

Their lying. Like saying I am fine when your clearly not.

Anonymous · Answer

I never heard anyone downplay the importance of looks  So no idea what your talking about

In_Trance · Answer

I don't know anyone that says or does this

Anonymous · Answer

Plastic surgery is fake

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

They're likely not very good-looking.

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

cuz they wanna seem nice

Gaylordslav · Answer

People try not to seem like shallow a holes

Lilly1979 · Answer

To make themselves look better.

Stella1 · Answer

They are trying to look accepting.

Anonymous · Answer

I guess they are deluding themselves.

Skyros · Answer

I don’t know, but that man looks yummy 🤤🥰.

itsannalee · Answer

They are naive

Fireguy17 · Answer

To fool themselves.

Why do people act like looks aren’t a factor in finding a partner?

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