Is this considered being unfaithful?

[Anonymous]

Is accepting random guys on instagram while in a relationship considered disloyal or unfaithful even if you didn’t follow back or anything?

[HollyK21]

At best I’d say it’s disrespectful to open that door. It’s one thing if you already knew these guys somehow but for them to be random, straight men it’s like what’s the point? For them to just silently sit on your friends list? Don’t get me wrong, I know that people will add others just for the heck of it but unless you’re page is public and there’s like several (or many) other strangers, then adding a private page is more personal. It usually signifies that you have pictures and people you’re trying to protect, not public for everyone to view. So when some random man requests to add a woman, there’s usually more to it and that’s where the disrespect comes in. Accepting that request means welcoming the potential likes, emojis, comments, or dms that they may send when they shouldn’t have had that access in the first place. At least this is how I view it.

[Asker]

I agree it’s just in my mind I don’t consider it being unfaithful because I haven’t entertained or messaged anyone or followed them back yes giving them access to your insta is making it seem like you’re available. I don’t know what to do because no matter how much I explain myself to him he won’t budge

[HollyK21]

I didn’t say unfaithful, because I don’t think that’s the case here. I said disrespectful, and that’s simply because despite not engaging with those men you still opened the door for them to engage with YOU.

Like I said, I know that it’s so normalized to follow random people online, but usually that’s the case if they’re public. If your page is private, they had to request, they don’t know you, and you aren’t a public figure nor trying to make a name for yourself in that way, then what other purpose does that follow serve? It just looks shady and puts your boyfriend in a position to think there’s more going on than you’re telling him.

I know that wasn’t your intention and this was harmless in your mind, but it was thoughtless behavior. You’ve got to consider your partner when you do things like that and ask yourself how you’d feel if he did it. I don't know if you could say you’d be happy at random girls requesting and him adding them all.

Anyway, what’s done is done. I’m sure this will pass, like it’s not grounds for breaking up. Just be more mindful going forward and you’ll be ok.

[Asker]

Yes you’re right it is wrong of me, he told me he needed some days away from me how he’s not ready to fix things yet like not just yet I don’t want to lose him it was never my intention to make him feel otherwise

[HollyK21]

I’d give him a day or two and that’s it. What you did wasn’t the best thing but you shouldn’t have to suffer and he’s not your parent to punish you. He doesn’t get to just check out and leave the relationship in limbo and you shouldn’t allow it. He’s either going to work through this with you so that you can move past it or end the relationship because he doesn’t think he can trust you. But leaving you in limbo like this shouldn’t be an option. You are still a person.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

I don't see an issue but some people might not feel comfortable with that something yiu have to talk about with your spouse to see how they feel my husband doesn't care but we have had conversations about it

[Anonymous]

Your heart answers that question. If you feel guilty, there's a reason.

[LavenderHaze]

It depends on what the intent is. Are you accepting them in the hopes they’ll make you feel good or validate you? If so, it could be considered unfaithful.

[Asker]

Tbh no I just accepted them like it was anything harmless but in my partners eyes it’s not seem like such and i understand but for him to say it’s cheating is a bit extreme cause he clearly saw that I didn’t follow back or messaged anyone

[LavenderHaze]

Completely understandable. Are they still following you? I agree it’s a bit extreme of him to think that but I would suggest talking with him about it and letting him know you didn’t intend or mean to come across as unfaithful and try and find a common ground for you both to move forward.

[Asker]

No I’ve removed all those random men I shouldn’t of accepted them to begin with, I guess I will try once he’s ready to speak to me but for he doesn’t want to see me or talk to me over that

[PeachyPie93]

No it isn't but it opens you up to be able to cheat.

[Mon1to]

for me it's disloyal because YOU let them follow you