Do guys let a girl they actually like go because of timing/circumstances?

[Anonymous]

I've recently been on a first date with a guy, and from my perspective it went very well. We laughed a lot, and he asked to kiss me at the end. The kiss was great, and afterwards he said "I should have asked you to do that sooner".

He text me as soon as we left the date, and we had been texting ever since. Yesterday, we were discussing our second date, which was somewhere we both wanted to visit. I suggested this weekend, and then he replied unexpectedly saying that although he had had a realy fun time on our date, and enjoyed getting to know me, he "didn't feel it was right" to carry on because he had stuff going on - his new job and some family stuff.

He mentioned both of these things on the date. But from a girls perspective, I feel like I wouldn't end things with a guy outright for those reasons. Has he just sent that message to make me feel better about ending things? Or is it possible he does actually like me, but guys don't mind walking away if they are too busy?

[Cormac995]

He wouldn't have asked for a kiss if he wasn't really interested in you. The fact he initiated it is a tell. He really does like you and likely feels bad that he can't do this. In fact he probably is doing this because he thinks it wouldn't be fair to you with everything going on in his life because he probably thinks he can't make you a big enough priority right now. Bassically he likes you but doesn't think he can be a good boyfriend so he's letting you go because he doesn't want you to waste your time and he thinks you would be. He probably feels like it would be stringinging you along because he'd be so busy. To me this screams regret and wishing things were different. It almost sounds like he knew it wasn't going to be possible going in but wanted to have at least one date with you before he gave up to know what it was like. That's also probably why he asked for the kiss. He didn't want to end the date without knowing what it felt like. He definitely likes you and I think he sees this as a "Only know you love her when you let her go." moment.

[Asker]

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to respond to this! You've been really insightful, honestly I wasn't sure whether to delete his number but if this is a possibility I'll keep it there just in case. Have a great day!

[Cormac995]

The way you phrase this you make it sound like you've known each other a while am I right?

[Asker]

No not particularly - we met on an app and were talking for about 1 week before he asked me on a date

[Cormac995]

Well that reduces the chances but only a little bit. Liike very very little there are just too many things here that show interest he completely did on his own and unprompted. Asking you out first, laughing and having fun as well as asking for a kiss and regretting not doing it sooner all indicators that are pretty damn clear. there's just too many signs of interest he displayed on his own unprompted for me to think he wasn't interested in you.

[Asker]

Yeah I guess only time will tell! If he really did, he will message when things settle down for him, right?

[Cormac995]

yes probably as long as he knows your willing to wait I'm sure he'd go out with you again. The question is how long do you have to wait and how long can you but I recommend you keep in contact and be his friend and make sure he knows your waiting and still interested. If you do that I think it will also help strengthen the bond even while you're not dating which will increase the odds you two get together long-term in my opinion. Relationships that are successful require patience and sacrifice so in a way I guess you could look at it as a test of conviction even. If you can wait for each other and continue to build the bond organically I think things will fall into place on their own when the time is right.

[Tempest_Flame]

it sounds like an excuse. he probably has other reasons

[Cormac995]

Thats not how I read this at all. If he wasn't interested, why did he ask her out and he asked her for the kiss. Not to mention the wordage he used according to her post. To me this screams regret and wishing things were different. Like he wanted to go on at least one date before he gave up on his hopes or something.

[SueShe]

He knew very well what he was doing when he casually mentioned those things coming up during the first date. He prepared and planned the conversation to leave a back door ajar. He may have sounded enthusiastic after the first date but deep inside, he knew he did not want to pursue that relationship.

Having planned this set up ahead of time and ahead of the first date, it made it look as if it was the perfect excuse. He actually played you and he is certainly not the first person to come up with such a scenario.

Guys will certainly NOT walk away if they are busy if they know that they can get into a girl's pants. The thing is that he may have given you the impression he liked you but reality is telling a different story.

[Cormac995]

You clearly know nothing about men or have been burned multiple times.

[naartjie]

@SueShe THIS! Guys who play games do this. I know people will be like “well why would he want to kiss her then” or “why would he ask for a second date” but really, a lot of guys will do anything to get with someone. Typically if they see you aren’t into hookups then they will do this- every single guy that’s seen I didn’t want to just sleep with them has done this tactic.
Either that or someone else better has come along.
Either way he is not interested because trust me when a guy wants you, you will know.

[Cormac995]

@naartjie or maybe your bitter and jaded and the idea that men can be complicated and have feelings is too much for you to grasp. In my experience this is the shit woman do.

[Cormac995]

@naartjie Also guys who play games are dicks that don't let girls down easy. If that was what he was doing he would have ghosted her or flat out said he wanted to get laid or something. Also no where in her entire statement did she even mention him asking for sex so you're also jumping to conclusions with 0 evidence to support your claim.

[naartjie]

Unfortunately actions speak louder than words. Cheers!

[Cormac995]

@naartjie I don't know your words speak pretty highly of you being a bitter asshole.

[naartjie]

cool beans buddy🤷🏼‍♀️

[SueShe]

Thanks for the MHO

[PeachyPie93]

I don't know.. He could have liked you but it just wasn't enough..
I always think if he wouldn't go out of his way for you, you weren't the one. Don't bother with dating apps so many men like this on them wasting time just trying to get a ONS..

[Anonymous]

Yes. I unfortunately had to do that with the last woman I took a liking to.

[DishLady]

Yeah.

[In_Trance]

There's no such thing as bad timing

[Cormac995]

I'm just going to repost this to you since I think it still applies to what I said to Tempest but that's not how I read this at all. If he wasn't interested, why did he ask her out and he asked her for the kiss. Not to mention the wordage he used according to her post. To me this screams regret and wishing things were different. Like he wanted to go on at least one date before he gave up on his hopes or something.