Is it normal to have no romance in a relationship after 3 years? Am I asking too much?

Question

My boyfriend is loving and trustworthy, but he never does anything romantic no flowers, no compliments, nothing. When I dress up for date night, he barely notices. I’ve talked to him about it, but he says that’s just not who he is anymore.

Am I crazy for wanting a little romance? Or is this just how it goes after a while?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately you are wasting your time on the wrong guy , mainly because you aren’t receiving what you should be receiving , he unfortunately doesn’t value you or appreciate you if he isn’t giving you words of affirmation, whether that’s just who he is or not , you need to ask yourself do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone that doesn’t give you words of affirmation, that doesn’t complement you or tell you how much they adore you or find you beautiful? I can’t tell you what to do but me personally would t stay with a girl that didn't give me words of affirmation whatsoever, that didn’t value or appreciate me. So you have every right to feel the way you are feeling because you are not being respected and blacked in your relationship, he just likes the convenience of you but he doesn’t value you. Especially after you got dressed up beautifully to go out with him , sorry to say but he doesn’t really appreciate you and that’s something you should really reconsider.. I dated a girl like your boyfriend before and dumping her was the best move I did for myself because I eventually met girls’ that actually made meFeel valued and wanted by their words of affirmation towards me that treated me like Gold the same way i treated her like Gold. Life is too short to stay with someone that doesn’t value you and appreciate you the same way you do for them period

Cormac995 · Accepted Answer

No your not crazy this is a problem. I was asuming you were going to be asking for likevacations or something when I saw the title but if all you're asking for are flowers and compliments he's doing a bad job showing affection. You need to address this with him. Make it clear that you're not trying to fight with him or cause problems just tell him you want some more gestures of affection because you're feeling unloved. If he really likes you, he'll probably be ashamed and try a lot harder if he doesn't or gets angry then I think he's a shit guy. A woman asking for flowers is not a big ask it's the bare minimum. in my opinion if you show up to the first date without flowers you've already fucked up.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

If that’s not who he is anymore then be strong and walk away. It’s one thing if he were never romantic but he  was , and that’s one of those things he can’t just outgrow because it keeps the spark alive in your relationship. It also keeps you feeling secure and content in your relationship because for him to go from being so romantic to nothing at all, it’s going to make you question yourself at every turn. Are you still good looking, is there someone else, is he falling out of love, those are questions that a man who loves you would never want you to ask yourself. I only had to verbally tell my fiancé one time when something was wrong, and the immediate frown of concern on his face, his receptiveness and how he corrected that behavior is what I think every good man should do. WOULD do.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

If you've been with the guy for three years you KNOW what he is like and what he wants/doesn't want from you as well. Why are you expecting him to change? And why be his girlfriend to begin with? If you BECAME his girlfriend while he was like this he has NO INCENTIVE to change his ways at all.

Changiis07 · Answer

You are not crazy for wanting it. Guys tend to get comfortable and you just have to communicate and tell him you want more date nights, that you still want flowers and such, if he cares he will start to do those things

OlderAndWiser · Answer

You can't change who he is and any attempt to force change upon him will fail. You can accept his exactly as he is, or you can stay and be miserable, or you can tell him goodbye. Those are the choices.

beenherebefore · Answer

Nah it doesn’t have to be that way at all. When you’re in a relationship especially a long term one you still need to put in the effort and show up for each other. My Partner was never the type of guy to bring me flowers except on my birthday but he compliments me all the time. I wouldn’t feel seen if he didn’t show some appreciation once in a while. Try to tell him that his lack of effort is putting you off and you’re losing interest and see what happens. You don’t have to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

virgo2267 · Answer

No… fuck NO!!!
If a man is not paying you mind specially after dressing up particularly to draw his interest in you physically and more importantly intimately…. Then you might have a serious issue going on…
At least you can say you’ve spoken to him about it and his response was not really mature and most certainly not well thought of…. My best guess is he is probably going through something internally… or could very well have lost the spark … but clearly, you need to take care of yourself and your needs.
It ain’t right for a spouse to not fulfill his duties… and no woman wants to be in a sexless marriage… am I right or am I right? Lol

SotiCoto · Answer

Just to be totally clear here: romance serves no practical purpose.
I'm aware that women tend to like that sort of thing... but it really is just ego-fluffing. It is an expression that one is willing to be wasteful and do something completely pointless just to appeal to a partner's ego.
And on average, men tend to be more pragmatic than women in such matters. Not to say there aren't some who commit themselves to the idea, but generally romance to a man will fall somewhere between irrelevance and a tiring waste of energy, and those who go through the motions only do so because they know their wife likes it (though without understanding why).
ALSO... flowers specifically can be iffy. I reckon in a lot of guys' minds, flowers = apology = admission of guilt. As in he might avoid getting you flowers because it will make him look like he did something wrong, even if he didn't.

alli-112 · Answer

Yikes. That's unfortunate. I think y'all just really want different things. I'd say give it another go and see if you can communicate to him that it's a really important part of how you experience a relationship to be proactively romantic. You might also see if you can kind out what his idea of romance/a romantic relationship does look like since clearly it's not what you're picturing. Y'all will definitely have to compromise on this if you want to work it out.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"he says that’s just not who he is anymore" I think you  REALLY  need to open the big talks with him, it seems  URGENT! Because he's giving you a  strong sign, openly , that something deeply changed for him. Make him open up before the spiraling occurs more than that.

Caroline91 · Answer

That's probably not who he really was to begin with. Are you still romancing him? It needs to be mutual. A man who loves a woman loves making her feel loved. All long term relationships have their ups and downs, but this sounds like a permanent down. If you have to pull teeth to have your partner show any romance, then he doesn't cherish you.

molonski2 · Answer

He is what he is

He will not change , nor should he ! If you want all that other shite you are with the wrong person..

BUT , before you ditch him over little , think of all those actual qualities you will actually , seriously miss in this wonderful man. Be extremely careful.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I sometimes see the lovey-dovey old couples who never lost appetite for another and I think to myself:
If I ever decide to settle down I wanna be just like that with my woman

So I don’t think you’re crazy

People are too quick to settle into a mediocre routines and then wonder why their life sucks

If you can find a way to still make out in the rain or on a sandy island beach at might you will never need a therapist to prescribe anti depressants in your life

Lliam · Answer

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that?
He's not going to change.
You've only been together for three years. Why don't you move on and find someone who appreciates you and makes you swoon. Don't settle for an emotionless man who takes you for granted.

Purpleronnie · Answer

What is “Normal” ? I would say it’s about what’s normal for your relationship or your partner. Some guys are just not the romantic type and there isn’t anything wrong with that at all.

There could be a million reasons why he has changed his stance on romance , many of those having nothing to do with you.

Not sure I see paying a compliment as romance though , when my girl looks good I always let her know 😉

NoDecision · Answer

If he can't do it before marriage he probably won't change. If you are comfortable with being with a cold fish, then go for it. Otherwise, maybe get couple counseling. He isn't going to change on his own. Some people are just not raised that way. Doesn't mean they are bad, just means they probably were not shown enough love growing up.

Anonymous · Answer

I remember i got my asshole ex a diamond gold heart necklace & earrings for her birthday never got a thank you. I got that rotten asshole a 100 red roses not once did i get a thank you i even got that asshole a meteorite for her birthday with a note saying if i could give you the moon i would and not once did i get so much as a thank you. On my birthday not a card no present not even a simple happy birthday (i even had one psycho asshole call me horrible names last year on my birthday when i was already going through a lot mentally) when the first asshole turned 28 i flew out 3000 miles to see her for her birthday the only time that asshole flew out to the east coast was if it was work related

lorenzomichael · Answer

Your not asking to much at all. I’ve been married for 28 years we have two kids 25 &21 My wife and I still have fun together and we’re always doing something and we definitely keep it hot between us. That’s the secret to keep it hot and spicy all the time just for each other. I know what she likes and she knows what I like. And we enjoy each other. It’s nice to hear our daughters friends say, “Man your mom & dad act like newlyweds are they always like that?” She says,”Yup.”

Notherndude84 · Answer

You want to be adored and there is nothing wrong with that. I have to remind myself from time to time to get flowers or get something nice for her. It takes effort but it’s well worth the effort.
I think perhaps we live in a “self” world and everyone in our lives fulfills a need. We need to put our wives/girlfriends first, it’s what “ real men” do.

fantasticass · Answer

You are now roommates, not a couple. You need sex and romance in a relationship. I'm 63 years old, my boyfriend is 48 year's old, our romance has never stopped. Maybe he is getting his sex and romance someone else🤔

RingOfFire · Answer

No. You should expect more. Guys don't really need this, they need other things feel wanted, but they should always understand that their girl needs it and make sure that she gets it they care about her.

serious · Answer

No romance? That is not normal at all. Love and romance in a relationship is a must and there are many ways to show love and romance. No, you are not asking for too much at all.

linguistrosey · Answer

For some it is and for some it's not. If you expressed your needs and your boyfriend doesn't want to fulfil those needs, then it's probably time to either insist or move on. I have been in a relationship like that for 4 years. It's not worth it

Booboolove69 · Answer

Good question… I’d like to know the answer… in my opinion, I think it’s not normal

Anonymous · Answer

yikes “that’s just not who he is anymore” I wish my fiancé would say that… LOL. Sorry girl but wake up. It’s been 3 years and no change. My fiancé was a little inexperienced in the beginning because I was his first girl & his military dad basically barely let him go out but once i communicated what i wanted i could tell he was trying and now things are amazing. Remember your man is a reflection of you so you’re getting what you think you deserve when you know you deserve more.

jahaims · Answer

Females can bring romance to the table too. It's not souly the males job. If a guy was romantic and isn't now, he was only doing it to get with you or you guys haven't maintained your connections

rtj1211 · Answer

Maybe you should ask him what he actually IS nowadays?

RHK36 · Answer

Get a new boyfriend. He already told you he doesn't care. So leave or stop complaining if you're going to stay.

Anonymous · Answer

Three years is an island. You should know this. If you want romance you must bring it. Relationships take effort. You get out what you put in.

anon1903 · Answer

Maybe communicate that. Guys are expectedly dumb

soe11 · Answer

To be honest your guy is disrespect.

BeechImFabulous · Answer

I can understand after 15 years and 2 children, but 3 years together and childless? Yeah, you probably need to get a new boyfriend.

Anonymous · Answer

I dont know, I never had a relationship, nor a romance :(

Anonymous · Answer

I never do anything romantic either unless I want to make up or something Plenty of sex, does that count?

WhitneySnow · Answer

You are not crazy!

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Is just how it goes after a while..

exitseven · Answer

No, it is part of the deal.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

We don't need Rome telling us what to do.

LiaRaven · Answer

It’s very normal

JonAsk69 · Answer

You’re not crazy.

Anonymous · Answer

you sound like you need a life

yk9998 · Answer

Oo yeah that is very odd 😕 sorry

MasterKS · Answer

why you keeping this nonsense?

Jennz6 · Answer

Move on girl

Herofin · Answer

No it'd reasonable

Anonymous · Answer

Yes it is normal

Is it normal to have no romance in a relationship after 3 years? Am I asking too much?

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Is it normal to have no romance in a relationship after 3 years? Am I asking too much?

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