What to do? Please help?

[Anonymous]

I was asked out on a date by someone 8 years older. I said yes, however, I have never been on a date before. Girls, do you have any tips on how to dress, conversation starters/how to engage? Guys, what tips do you have coming from the man’s perspective? Out of respect for both parties I won’t include much more detail but I would appreciate a DM from girls to have further conversation.

[Cormac995]

1. Don't bang on the first date if he pushes for it that's a red flag.

2. Be yourself you won't be able to pretend to be perfect forever if they don't like you for you it won't work so just be yourself and don't waste each others time.

3. Perfume.

4. A nice dress would be good. Men like sleek dresses and sundresses. Given it's summer I recommend the latter.

5. Be open to holding hands and maybe kissing but make sure theirs chemistry and you're comfortable first. Breaking the touch barrier on the first date is fine IF it's going really well.

6. Make sure you're breath is good get some mint gum or tick tacks etc.

7. If he's paying or insists on paying don't try to stop him. You can push back a bit but if he insists it's because he likes you and had a good time. Also, if he's paying order something in the medium or lower price range. That way it doesn't feel like you're trying to milk his wallet, but you also let him make the gesture. Don't get the most expensive stuff especially on the first date. If he says you can get whatever you want get something in the middle price range. That way it doesn't feel like you're there for money, but you also let him buy you something nice. It comes across and modest which is a good trait for anyone to have.

8. If you use makeup don't overdo it.

9. If he acts nervous try to act calm and laid back. That will help him calm down because humans reciprocate behavior from each other. It's why you get sad when your friend is sad or you yawn when someone else does.

10. Don't eat off his plate without asking. It's not cute it's rude I wish I didn't have to say this but a lot of woman don't get it. Asking to try it is fine but respect a no and don't just do it without asking.

11. Any guy who brings flowers to the first date is a good sign so if he does that's great.

those are what come to my mind off the top of my head.

[Cormac995]

thanks for MHO

[Asker]

Thank YOU for the amazing tips!

[Cormac995]

Oh yea one more thing. Wash and groom your hair very well.

[Cormac995]

Maybe even put a ribbon in it or braid it or something if you can.

[Asker]

I’m black but I’ll do my best, a ribbon is a bit juvenile don’t you think?

[Cormac995]

Depends on the kind of ribbon. I've seen some that were made to look like they were for adult woman. If you have a nice hair pin that's also an option.

[BarryLiverstone]

Be safe. Meet in a public place. Let at least 2 people you trust know where you are going and who it is with.

[Asker]

Great advice, I appreciate the safety tip.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. How did you meet him?

[Asker]

Online dating platform

[BarryLiverstone]

Good luck. Have you talked to him on the phone or via video?

[Asker]

No, not yet.

[Asker]

Thanks, so nervous.

[BarryLiverstone]

Normal to be nervous before a first date. We have all been there. Your mind can race to crazy places yk

[Asker]

I said yes and he didn’t reply after that, any idea as to why?

[BarryLiverstone]

Could be for several reasons. But if he didn’t reply how will you know where to meet him?

[Asker]

I’m going to block him if he doesn’t get back to me within 24hours. What reasons are you thinking?

[BarryLiverstone]

Sorry, you wanted to respect both parties so I will not say anything negative. Feel free to DM and I’ll try to help

[ohsheeT]

Ok first of all look at him as just a guy because that's what he is

Don't get all cought up in. His age. Just Because he is older doesn't mean any thing becayse the odds are your smarter and more mature

Depending on what type of guy he is
Just pay attention to his eyes. While he's talking with you because they will tell you everything thing

Watch and pay attention on how he talks to people. If he talks negative about them, then he's going to talk negative about you.

Remember you are the boss if you want to start making out and you don't want to just tell him you don't want to at the moment.

If you want to but you only want to go so far. You can tell him

But you can talk to him about everything you would talk to your boys. That are friend's

[seeyounexttuesday]

Number one rule is that people love talking about themselves. Try to avoid close-ended questions - instead of "do you like cheese?" which is a 'yes'/'no' question, go with "what kinds of cheese do you like?"

Be present and engaged. If you're not having fun, at least be respectful.

[Asker]

Amazing advice, I appreciate you!

[StevenMcGarrett]

Age is just a number. Don't worry about it. My wife is 11 years younger than me and we have been together for 20 years. Be yourself. What do you want to know about him. Dress like you usually do for the occasion. If it a fancy restaurant, then wear what you usually wear. Good luck.

[Asker]

Age is just a number is a code word for I groomed this person into thinking an 11 year age gap was appropriate, especially since you’ve been together for 20 years. How old was she?

[StevenMcGarrett]

Grooming? Seriously? She was 24 and I was 35 when we met. She chased me. Get the facts before you start slandering people.

[Asker]

Ok, you didn’t specify the age difference. It could’ve been 19 and 29…

[Zack-Bann]

Once you’re over 19, 8 years isn’t that big of a difference


As someone who’s 27 I can say with all certainty I am not any more of an “adult” compared to someone who’s 20 or 21 or so on


Adulthood isn’t like childhood

[Asker]

Yes, after 19 we’re all adults, however, each age is very different. Just because 19 and 20 are a year apart doesn’t change the fact that I was very different at 19 than I am at 20. I’m 23 and I was very different from 19-23. So, yes, you are definitely more of an adult than people who are 19-26 years old. That’s why we have ages, they are a chapter of our lives and no chapter is the same. You could have worded things differently because at 23, I am not equally an adult to you. Yes, we’re all adults but you’ve adulted a lot longer than I have and harbor more experience. Obviously adulthood isn’t childhood but no one would ever expect a 20 year old adult to have the same level of adult behavior as a 26 year old. Age is not simply a number.

[Zack-Bann]

I agree with most of what you’re saying

But I recently met a 19 year old girl who’s had such a rough life, she’s seen more shit than I have at 27
(And my life is no picnic)

She changed my outlook on this topic

It’s very much case by case

Age is not a number in 90% of cases
But in 10% anomalies age is in fact just a number (random stats)

[Asker]

I can bet that I’ve seen more than you both combined but It doesn’t negate that I am older than her and that she is not my equal in adulthood, heck, another 23 is neither my equal. I get your point but many children around the world have experienced a lot more than a lot of adults and yet they are still children and should be treated as such. No matter how much experience I have over you, I am still equally inexperienced due to my age.

[Zack-Bann]

Obviously children are children no matter what
I am not debating that

And I know I’m older than you
Still I don’t count as your “elder”
Unless I take on the role

We don’t know each other so it’s impossible to tell which of us has lived through more stuff and learned more lessons

But even in we dated there wouldn’t be an age gap between us

Yet if I was 17 and you were 13 the age gap would be gigantic.

That’s my whole point on adulthood really

[Asker]

Is English your first or second language? Unless we are the same age then there is an age gap.

[Zack-Bann]

English is my third language :)

[Ask105]

I would be thinking what to say to you and im older just basically get to know eachother interest compliment him talk about the place you’re at this is really cool here i seen this earlier i been working on so called just have fun relax

[SotiCoto]

You're overthinking it. Just wear whatever you normally wear when you go outside.
The more different you are to your usual self, the more you're going to build up a false image of yourself that you won't be able to live up to later.

[Berethor]

How can they DM you if you anonymous? he is lucky, guys like young and innocent girls.

[Asker]

First of all, It’s just a date, I just wanted to get to know him a better. Second, that’s disgusting!

[Asker]

I didn’t realize you couldn’t message anyone who’s anonymous

[Berethor]

Yea "just date", yea you can't message anyone who’s anonymous, now you know.

[Asker]

I don’t do hookups

[Berethor]

Never said you do hookups but it's a date, not just friendly meeting so I don't find it naive.

[Asker]

You meet up in the first date and then determine whether you would like to continue getting to know each other. Also wdym by « so I don’t look naive »

[Berethor]

I didn't said you don't look naive, I said a date is not naive, there is other ways to get to know each other, you are getting to know each other for intimate purpose on a date.

[Asker]

Ok, now I understand better, and that was a typo

[Berethor]

Glad to hear that, anyway good luck on your date, you got some nice tips here.

[Zylos]

Enjoy yourself and stay safe.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Anonymous]

Ask your questions for answers here, not on DM.

[Asker]

I didn’t realize you couldn’t message anyone while anonymous

[Opinion Owner]

That's not the issue, when you post a question here, it's to get answers here, not in the DMs.

[Asker]

Well, you can answer here and then we can take our conversation further through DM

[Opinion Owner]

Yes but do not tell people to DM you.

[Asker]

Why not?

[Opinion Owner]

"Posts that solicit members in any fashion are considered Spam."

[zagor]

What are you doing/where are you going for this date?

[Asker]

Good question, we haven’t gotten that far