Is the timing of the initial approach important when flirting with a woman?

[capriVib]

I came across a video the other day where a woman was sharing a story at a bar. She seemed like the type of woman who lives in an "empowered woman" kind of way. She said that one night at a bar, she had her eye on a guy she really liked. They made prolonged eye contact and danced closely for a while. She was really into him but that night she waited for him to make the first move. However, no communication ever happened between them.

The next day, the guy found her on Instagram and asked her out for coffee. She replied angrily, saying something like, "I wouldn’t have coffee with you, sleep with you, or do anything with you." In her story, she explained that the guy came off as insecure to her and had wasted her whole night. She said if she had known he wouldn’t make a move, she would’ve focused on other guys instead.

So, do you think the timing of the first move is important for most women? Could making a move later like in this case be a problem?

Updates

9 mo

it seemed ridiculous to me. She was intensely attracted to this guy one night and then the next day she completely shut him down like crossing out a line with a red pen. What could have possibly changed overnight? I can't think of any logical explanation other than hormones 😂 how else can her mood shift that quickly?

[Zylos]

It absolutely is. Women have so many options. They also take it really personally if you let them wait. It's very weird to me, like, it's women who keep telling men not to bother them and that we are creepy and so on, but then if a man is tentative or hesitant, they get mad too.

But yeah, you snooze, you lose.

This woman is a fucking idiot for getting mad, like who the fuck does she think she is? Inflated ego.

So the guy probably dodged a bullet.

The lesson is that yes you should move fast, but no, you should not accept women getting mad if you don't. Just laugh in their faces.

[slatyb]

It's absurd to imagine that "women have so many options". Sure they do, if they don't care who they are with. So do you -- I'm sure you could get attention from many women if you would accept anyone.

[capriVib]

@slatyb Most men do not have multiple options men with many options are part of a minority group. For example, even on apps like Tinder or Bumble you can see that the demand is concentrated on certain groups of men. Also, for those who have passed a certain age and are waiting to get married, sometimes the demand can become more balanced In short, for onliy sex or to be a couple the average man cannot even come close to the level of demand that the average woman receives within a certain age range.

[capriVib]

This is also true: many women appear as if they have no options even though they actually have many, bc they tend to be more selective.

[slatyb]

and the men concentrate their attention on the most attractive women -- the 9's and 10's. If they would give some attention the 7's they would get attention.

[Zylos]

@slatyb Okay, so the two guys I know who are most popular with women; one has been with hundreds of them, but he still has to initiate. He still gets rejected. He is very, very handsome, he has a nice appartment in the expensive part of the city, a nice trading job. He is educated, speaks many languages. A strong, V-shaped body. This guy could be in movies, if he wanted to. He's charming and funny

The other guy is also extremely handsome, charming, and very, very funny. He has a twinkle in his eye. Think Antonio Banderas or something. He got rich from an invention of his that he successfully sold to a major chain of retailers. He was also briefly a pop star, touring the country. So maybe that last part made girls come to him. But with him too, I have seen him have to make the effort to get women.

Now contrast that with some women I know: One never managed to complete any higher education, spent long stretches unemployed and in the mental health system, is of average looks, is not particularly charming or funny, very self-centered, kind of immature. Not that intelligent.

I have watched this girl go through her Tinder messages. Just countless handsome, better educated men with better jobs than her, more interesting hobbies, and much better looks. THEY are messaging HER. And she's like "Meh". She literally fucking complains to me that she can't find anyone.

When she is staring at a fucking buffet of dudes, and did nothing in her life to make them come to her.

[Zylos]

My other example is a girl I used to know who was a butch lesbian, with a life situation similar to the first girl. Psychiatric system, no higher ed, not that conventionally attractive. This chick was just minding her own business when a fucking pro athlete walks by and asks for her number. This guy is a millionaire whose games are transmitted to the whole country on TV.

You are simply completely wrong if you think women's reality and men's reality is the same. Take the least popular woman you have ever met - she will still be more popular with the opposite sex than the most popular man you have ever met.

[Zack-Bann]

Yes you can’t pussyfoot around this stuff
If you see a woman you’re into you go up and talk to her
If you don’t you’ll stand in a corner watching life unfold around you


If she goes home and feels undesired a DM won’t make the difference

[OneViewpoint]

Women have a narrative all their own running in their head constantly. She was pissed because that poor bastard didn't respond as she fantasized. In her narrative he rejected her so he must be insecure and not a real man. Otherwise she ain't the prize she thought she is. And she cannot allow that to be true.

It's no different from some guy going full flame thrower mode on some poor woman who rejects his advances.

Who knows why the guy didn't approach when she wanted him to. The bottom line is yes, timing matters. But you'll never know what time she's fantasizing about in her brain.

[Staximus]

What might be the right time for one person may not be for the other. Some people want sex on the first date, others think you shouldn't just fuck somebody you don't even know yet. Maybe she wanted him to ask her out on a date, or kiss her, or take her to a hotel room that night and she thinks "the moment was ruined", which is stupid. Maybe the guy was drunk and didn't want to ruin the moment by saying a bunch of stupid shit. Maybe he was having second thoughts. There can be another moment every night. People are so hung up on instant gratification and getting what they want when they want it, which is stupid. Just because you like the way somebody looks doesn't mean they are going to behave how you think they should. That's an idiotic expectation for her to have, every guy doesn't act the same and think the same.

[SotiCoto]

... The woman in the anecdote sounds like an entitled bitch, and the guy "dodged a bullet" as folks like to say these days.

Anyway... no, the "timing of the initial approach" is not important when flirting with anyone actually worth bothering with. Anyone who gets pissy over things like that is trash.

[capriVib]

the woman was like the one in the picture. By the way, she was wearing a chained choker around her neck and I forgot to mention her tattoos in the prompt. LMAO She also said something extra "I sleep with whoever I want and I fall in love with whoever I want. These two sides of me are completely separate."

[capriVib]

www.instagram.com/didemsoydan

[ProbablyClueless]

Timing is huge. I find it helpful to remind myself in cold approaches that I'm trying to spark an instant connection with someone who has far more reasons to say "no" than they do to say "yes."

Why would I go in with a game plan into a situation where the other person's game plan is more likely to be to stop playing than it is to buy in?

[Nikki1989]

Well there are obvious bad times to approach anyone. You might not want to approach at all if you can't figure that out.

[captain_voidwalker]

Fairly certain approaching women is a crime these days

[capriVib]

well If a man is not high value and avoids approaching women, he is doomed to remain single.

[captain_voidwalker]

If by single you mean not in a prison cell you are correct

[blackeagle007]

I wouldn’t overthink at all. She’s either interested or not

[capriVib]

Yes, i have OVERTHINKING and anxiety, i'm never at ease, i'm stressed every day, God help me. 😢

[dustybiker2]

Some woman play games. They shouldn't. It's her loss here.

[Anonymous]

That guy dodged a bullet.

With some women they put you on a clock the minute they meet you. These are the type of women you want to avoid. I promise you this WILL NOT get better if you link up with her, only worse.

[Anonymous]

Nope. If there's chemistry, there's chemistry, if there's not, there's not.

[katiesmuff]

Probably somewhat!

[beefcakebradybatson]

D**N SKIPPY !!!

[MOUTHWASHING]

Yes it is