Am I too raw when dating?

[es20490446e]

When I meet a new person I'm completely honest and open about what I feel and think.

If I'm attracted to her I tell her, if she ask me very personal questions I answer them honestly despite the outcome, if I feel like kissing or having sex with her I do so, if something worries me I make her know.

I'm starting to suspect this may be too intense for most women, and that's why they often run away despite of showing high levels of interest in me initially.

[lightbulb27]

possible. It's a dance. In some ways, a sales effort. Your job is to sell her that she wants to come into your world. Try taking on her viewpoint, where she is coming from. What she wants is love... aka... security.

Once she does, she will start turning your seeds into offspring. Then she will want emotional support in addition to all else.

Do you know what emotional support is?

It's complicated, but it's not complicated once you uncomplicate it and understand.

Once you figure her out, enjoy that, because it won't last as she changes... haha.

PS women change hormonally, soyou have to provide consistency and support throughout the cycle. Some are different than others.

[es20490446e]

I guess I don't know what they want.

[lightbulb27]

they want everything they want... in which case the good ones will give abundantly in return.

[es20490446e]

Ummm...

[lightbulb27]

Do you like chocolate cake and ice cream?

[es20490446e]

Yes, as long as it is vegan.

[lightbulb27]

Do you like Vegan chocolate cake crammed down your throat? Or do you like it more... how you want it, in a certain rhythm and communication to someone feeding to you?

It's the later... that's the dance. You understand there is a connection to someone feeding you... it's hard to do logically... it just works emotionally with continual communication and there's a timing that is right to it.

Get the analogy? You do that when dating... be very present, tuned in, be confident in your frame, be reading the other person and listening and connected.

[es20490446e]

The dynamic is not exactly like that.

It's more like:
- Her: I like chocolate.
- Me: What if I made a vegan chocolate cake for us to eat tomorrow?
- Her: Thinking it better, I don't really want any chocolate.

[lightbulb27]

I might have the same response depending what it is. I might try it, but want to know what it is. Like... what is "Saytan" or tofurkey? I used to be veg/vegan. Not everyone will go for that, some will.

[InknKink]

I used to be the heart on sleeve, open book sorta guy. If I was asked a question, I'd answer it as openly and honestly as I possible. It rarely worked out well for me.

Nowadays I learn towards the opposite.

I don't willingly share personal information on dates. a lot of times I ignore deeply personal questions, answer with lighthearted jokes, or just a general redirection.

I find a discovery type mindset rather then a descriptive type to work best. It's also just a lot more fun and playful. It keeps things light. It makes for better dates and a reason to keep coming back for more.

[es20490446e]

Thanks. I will think about this 👍

[Abbycado]

It might be intense for most. I would appreciate it. That is probably because I am the same way. I think my current boyfriend was a bit taken aback by how direct and open I was when we met. He got over it lol.

[es20490446e]

For instance, I do it kind of purposefully to see how the other person handles it. Because I value open and honest interactions.

[Abbycado]

I almost can't stop myself sometimes. I could tell he was slightly overwhelmed at times when we first started dating. Anymore, he is used to it. Just my personality.

[es20490446e]

My exact experience 😅

Have a nice day lady ✌️🥑

[Abbycado]

You too!

[DishLady]

Some folks would call that “intense” not “raw”.


Not everyone can deal with 100% honesty.

[es20490446e]

So maybe just not the right match.

[Hardon-Collider]

What you call 'raw honesty' is just being a selfish beast. You're not being honest, you're being a brute. You need to cultivate a 'chivalrous' feeling. This isn't about being a doormat; it's the active, moral strength to hold back your own impulses out of respect for the other person. It's the ability to say 'no' to yourself for the sake of the other's space and dignity. That's what a woman needs from you, not your raw, unfiltered ego. That chivalry is the very thing a man must cultivate to be a true partner.

[es20490446e]

I will reflect on that.

[Nikki1989]

Most women would appreciate that. Anyone who chooses to hide information or their raw feelings is not to be trusted anyway.

[es20490446e]

It seems I'm not trusted either way!

Or maybe it's not me...

[beefcakebradybatson]

I think when dating, especially the first date, you should try to put forward your best foot, not being a hypocrite, but showing enough of your good side so a woman can feel secure with you.

[es20490446e]

What would be the difference between that, and trying to prove yourself?

[NoDecision]

There are things you don't do in dating, especially in the beginning stages. But these are things you should do from the very start.

[es20490446e]

You know, they are the ones choosing me. So those shall be good for them.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't mind that kind of behavior in a girl.

But I suppose girls think in a different way.

[es20490446e]

Probably.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Never share more than you have to with a woman.

[es20490446e]

Ummm...

[Opinion Owner]

I know man. It sounds counter to what you she be in a relationship and I agree. But women are HIGHLY judgmental. She WILL judge you harshly on what SHE doesn't understand. Women are thier own worst enemy in a relationship. I didn't say lie to her. If she asks, tell her. I'm just saying don't volunteer any information. Trust me man. This is something I've cleaned from experience. The less you say the better. Because the more you say, the more reasons you have to give her to judge you. The goblins in a woman's heads are always at work. She WILL write the story about who you are if you say nothing. This is paramount advice I give guys for online dating as well. The less you say the better. Again I know it sounds counter to what you should be. But trust me. Being informative with a woman just doesn't work. You're more likely to sabotage yourself then help yourself here.

[es20490446e]

Okay, I will try the opposite approach.

[exitseven]

sometimes you have to resist the urge to reveal too much about yourself. Be like an onion and peel away a layer at a time.

[es20490446e]

I don't really do it due to urgency. I just thought it would be a good idea. Probably I was wrong.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Only part of that thats unwise is kissing and sex that early. The rest makes sense to do.

[es20490446e]

Hahaha! Okay.