Are you a player? Do you think players are capable of feeling remorse? And if you are a player, why do you do it?

Question

Of course I am referring to men in the dating world who enjoy having their fun and disappearing without a word. Or who possibly lead women into believing they're interested when they aren't and those who ask women out on a date but don't show up and disappear without the courtesy of a message or phone call. So why do you play these games? And why do you feel so entitled to do it?

OneViewpoint · Accepted Answer

Nope. Not a player or a fuck boy. Oh, I'm no angel. But, I'm capable of learning from my mistakes. I've done one night stands. It was always utterly empty and awkward. The aftermath was no fun. The sex wasn't worth it. I found out pretty fast that wasn't me. So why do it?

As I've said here on GAG many times, for me it's mind, body, spirit. Anything less is a waste of time. IF you're connected physically, intellectually, and aligned in goals and values, the sex becomes intense at a different order of magnitude. There is real risk of losing something I value. Real desire to please the other person. And real potential. That is experiencing real life.

Hence my extremely selective nature and ruthless culling of people who are just never gonna be a fit for me.

I haven't really run into many guys who are "players" in life but from the few I have known, here are my observations.

They aren't necessarily bad guys with ill intentions. They can be good hearted.
They are fucked up from entitlement (wealth) or family history.
They are immature or malformed personalities who don't know how to behave.
They are very self centered and impulsive.
They are desperate for women to like them, validate them.
They are scared little boys who run away from responsibility.
They are sort of bipolar. They run from self indulgent highs to guilt ridden lows to another high to get over the low.
They end up miserable and self loathing at 45-50 when a wasted life comes crashing down on them. It gets very lonely at some point when the party ends and they stare in the mirror at a growing gut and balding head and the phone isn't ringing like it used to.

When I observe "players" from a distance, it makes me happy I was smart enough to not take that path in life.

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

With the danger of coming across as “ too nice” in a world where statements such as “ nice guys finish last “ and “ women love the bad guy “ are banded around …I have NEVER been the player or even attempted to act like that , or even thought I wanted to because the point for me was to have a relationship “deeper than my pocket” and if that meant that only friendship was possible then so be it as at least it would be real.

Sex for the sake of it has no value to me except when both people acknowledge and accept it is just that regardless of wishes for more !

however there is also the consideration that players alone don’t make the rules. Should a woman be seduced so easily by a guy pretending , then “ fool me once shame on you , fool me twice , shame on me” applies … no?

HawkPerception · Answer

Definitely not a player, but I doubt any player would admit they're a player. I've only been with 6 girls sexually. 3 if oral doesn't count.

And my intention in every relationship was always to find the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and eventually start a family. The older I get, the less I feel that's going to be possible.

Th dating market seems impossible these days.

MrOracle · Answer

I've known many players over the years, and one thing that was consistent among all of them is that they had no respect at all for women. They knew how to charm women, for sure, but they gave zero consideration to the girl's feelings. Their attitude was that the girl knew what she was getting (sex with an attractive guy) and that should be enough to satisfy them. They feel that if the girl is expecting more, she is naive.

aceleon · Answer

well i likely don't count as a player to you since i don't do these things you mention but yes i sometimes had to lead girls into believing that we would be in a committed relationship while the only thing i wanted was the fun parts of it.

but i at least tried to leave with as little damage as i could, my favourite one is saying i'm either into older woman (aka mommy complex type of thing i assume that they think about me) or other guys so they don't further question it, like how can they even talk any further about a guy who is into other guys? no argument or tears, they just say i hope you will be happy and leave me to my endevoars, even if they see me with other girls later on they don't question my pseudo bisexuality.

sorry lgbt community, but easiest way to save people from heart breaks is sometimes using your name.

RavVid · Answer

Curiously recent Australian law has made it more likely that men have their fun and walk away. After two years in a relationship, defacto couples now "have the benefit of approaching the family court". Phrased as though that is a good thing.

In other words you are common law married when the clock strikes 2.

Whilst most parties to a couple may have been inclined to let a relationship go to it's natural end there is now a stop watch ticking. Possibly from the time you first said hi or used her name or had a coffee together. We don't really know yet.

We DO KNOW that we need to keep it comfortably under the two years however... judges sheesh.

I don't know if you would consider terminating at one year or sooner is being a player but The Law Is The Law and you must terminate one year after first holding eye contact.

virgo2267 · Answer

Those are not player scenarios…
One thing is playing around with women and their bodies (mutual consent always)
And another thing is playing stupid games… like saying you’ll meet them and not show up… that’s just being a fool, complete jackass, unworthy of a hi es time..
I happen to resonate with the first… I had me different women in the same bed up until my 30’s…. Most were ok with the game, they got to enjoy the long side of my fishing pole more often than not… I don’t think women minded it one bit to be fooling around also, women are very discreet players overall!

Lottydotty · Answer

I've led people on unintentionally of course but I dont play. Too many do. I've seen enough for me to rather turn down the pretties out there. I dont care anymore except maybe for one but I can't hold my breath anymore. I think to play you need to rid yourself of desire for anything like marriage. To have women wrapped around you is not hard to do. Its easy to play and act as the husband material to just impregnate a few other women before the wedding. Its insane unless unhearted. I rather have my heart. I rather love slow.

Anonymous · Answer

Lead women into believing they're interested in what?

This is something that has always baffled me. Are women not interested in sex too?

Is a man a "player" if he is interested in casual sex with a woman who is interested in the same? Lots of women are interested in that too.

If a man lies to a woman about his intentions, that's one thing. But the truth is, in many cases women just make assumptions and then judge a guy when what he wants doesn't match those assumptions. Or, she willingly has a casual relationship with him, and then when she decides she wants something more, and he doesn't, suddenly he is an asshole. That last scenario happens a LOT in my experience.

AvaRay · Answer

I get why some play the game, but to me, there’s no excuse for misleading someone or disappearing without a word..

Thrill, ego, or fear of intimacy might explain it, but it doesn’t justify it..

I believe relationship should be about respect n honesty, not validation or temporary fun..

That’s the line I won’t n ll never cross n I think anyone who values themselves shouldn’t have to settle for less..

Speaking_Frankly · Answer

I have no interest in the long term but I'm completely upfront and open about it. I don't play games and on a couple of occasions when I was accused of leading them on, I was hit by silence when I asked whether I was clear about not wanting anything more than we had. Some people don't like or respect my honesty because they think I might change my mind and blame me for not being this ideal they made up without me saying I'm that person.

Tarifa · Answer

I never play with someone's feelings, nor would I want to be in such a situation.  Respect  and  clear intentions  are primordial in the dating game. Even if it sometimes resembles a game, there should be basic rules everyone knows.

Spencer10 · Answer

I hope most women see me as a ladies man as opposed to a player. A ladies man loves and respects women. A ladies man treats women as equals. Players manipulate, lie and disrespect women to get what they want. I try to avoid treating any human that way.

AgentG111 · Answer

When I was younger, but not to the affect of not showing up. It was more of a dating many ladies in a certain time period and they would be building emotions that weren't felt or given back in the same way.

On the remorse side I don't believe it really hit that it was a big deal until later on in life. It was a phase per say and actually trying to find a decent woman to stay with so lots of dates.

Just my take on this for when I was in my 20s.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

I'm far from innocent, but I ain't a player despite how people might see me.. I'm too nice for it.. I don't even like to casual date more than one woman at a time.. It's just wrong to leave somebody hanging like that..

But to be honest, a lot of players are made because and so they start to fear commitment, and then they want that intimacy but don't want to commit.. Some might feel remorse in the future..

Anonymous · Answer

The challenge.

To bring down a woman/girl to accept either a date or sex is the journey. Then once accomplished, the flavour goes. It is just execution to do and emptiness to feel, assuming it was based on lust or superficial/general attraction.

So.. they go on for the next target/challenge to feel the power of "winning"; bringing her down to accept.
That's well-known of men mentality.

Brady · Answer

No, I read men do it for sex they aren't gettin. 2 compare women can do it 4 sex but the main reason is 2 get the attention they aren't gettin from their guy. They want someone 2 make them feel they r pretty.

I read women players r luckier because more men r willing 2 forgive women 4 cheatin on them than women r in forgivin men.

dragoblack · Answer

No I'm not, i just want a healthy, passionate. and fun relationship.
As for the second question... until they pull their head out of their ass and get over their inflated ego, they will runaway, take no responsibility, repeat the same mistakes, and try to charisma their way out of situations they get themselves into... i know this because my brother was one. Best way to define him is "D&D bard stereotype"

dwreborn · Answer

I think everyone will settle down even players if they find the right person for them they may go through a lot but everyone has several matches out there

Shiprex · Answer

Not in the slightest. It wouldn't be enjoyable having to please multiple women separately. Together though, as long as they're into it that would be awesome

lilyanony1 · Answer

Not a player, I don't think it's necessary. Im either happy with my partner or ending it to find someone I can be happier with.

WhitneySnow · Answer

They are capable of feeling remorse unless they are psychopaths or narcissists but most don’t let it stop them

Nik1hil · Answer

I can act like one, but In Reality I am not, and I cannot pull a complete act, I end up melting eventually..

katiesmuff · Answer

I think at some point everyone is capable of feeling remorse!

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I was never a player and i hate players, people trust me for a reason, i never lie! If i was in relationship, my girl will always find me there by her side!

slatyb · Answer

I'm a bridge player. I feel remorse whenever I make a losing play due to inattention.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I play drums, bass, synth, cards, board games and records. I see no need for remorse.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Lol no I am not a player never really been my thing.

Anonymous · Answer

yes once they stop becoming a player unlike hoes who justify their hoe past

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

I was a baseball, basketball and football player, but sucked at all tree.

Allmenrsick · Answer

I was told that men are into cadual sex anf they marry because they need caregiver house keeper or second income

Anonymous · Answer

I play only video games, and sometimes board games.

Anonymous · Answer

Recovering sex addict here. I was once a very serious player.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I am not a player, not sure I could ever be

Fireguy17 · Answer

Nope, happily married

qwerty2469 · Answer

I am not a player. I mean every bit of it.

Nona4 · Answer

Sometimes it’s just fun.

Jay-_- · Answer

Not at all

Brokedude · Answer

Nope

bunniesrcute · Answer

nope

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