Why can’t I find/attract a good man?

[Anonymous]

I’m 23 and have only been in one relationship before. I don’t sleep around or do hookups, also I don’t wear makeup as I don’t want to A- look older than I do, as I’ve been complimented on how youthful I look compared to other girls my age who look older than they are and also because I’m comfortable in my own skin without using makeup to fix things i don’t like about myself.

Most people say that I’m kind, outgoing but not overly outgoing, that I have a calm but playful personality. So it leads me to think that maybe I’m unattractive to those around me? Which is okay, but I’m stumped when it comes to finding someone.

As of the last year I’ve stopped really looking and have just focused on work since it really hasn’t worked out for me. im not sure if I should continue looking for a bit longer or stick to understanding that partnership and love are just not within this lifetime.

[HawkPerception]

I agree with @HighValue @slatyb and @Staximus

There are many good men in the world. I'm not trying to shame you when I say this, but it's extremely easy for women to attract a man's attention, even in the modern dating world. You literally just have to put yourself out there, in scenarios where you can socialize with others.

The issue with most women nowadays is their expectations are unrealistically high for men. They want Mr. Perfect. You're likely overlooking a lot of "good men" because of your standards. I'm not saying that for sure, but I'm saying there's a high chance you are.

Also, you say your peers call you attractive, but it's also a fact that family and women especially hype other women up and inflate their egos to something above their actual attraction level. I'm not trying to put you down, but that's the reality of it.

Are you overweight? Do you workout regularly? Do you have piercings other than normal earlobe earrings? Excessive tattoos?

No makeup is huge win in my books, so you got a a point there.

Being calm and quiet is good feminine energy, so you get another point there. Not many men want a loud and obnoxious woman.

[Asker]

I have a single tattoo, and I only have the normal earrings. I don’t have any peers that are woman so nobody is really inflating my ego.
My standards aren’t high, if they are high then 🤷🏽‍♀️
I don’t care what a guy looks like, I’d prefer that he’s at least my height which is 5’7. And then of course I’d want him to be kind, caring loyal etc. literally bare minimum

[HawkPerception]

Sounds reasonable. Then the issue is likely that you're not putting yourself in scenarios where you can be approached enough. Although guys are approaching less nowadays due to unapproachable women, there are still many that do in the hopes the woman might be receptive.

But don't just wait for Prince Charming. If you find someone you're interested in, approach them and offer them your number

[slatyb]

It's easy to attract attention from many men, but those may not be the men she wants. It's easy for some men to attract attention from many women, but those may not be the women they want.

[slatyb]

So what are you doing to meet men? And honestly, how do you look? "I've been complimented..." By whom? Your friends and relatives will all tell you that you are attractive. Are you dressing to look like an attractive young woman or are you still in the clothes and hairstyle you wore in high school? If you are going out in shapeless clothing with unstyled, unmaintained hair, then you will just look like a woman too young to date.

[Asker]

Ummm… I hate to say this but not all relatives and friends will say someone is attractive believe me, but I’ve been complimented by random people when traveling which I do alone.
So realistically am I supposed to dress like I’m going out to the club all the time?

[slatyb]

If you are getting compliments from random strangers, particularly men, you should believe them.
And no, you should not dress like you are going out to the club all the time. Back to my first question: what are you doing to meet men? Where are you receiving these compliments? Compliments from men close to your age are an invitation to engage with them. How do you respond?

[Asker]

I don’t get compliments from any guy that lives in my area, I get compliments when I’m out traveling to other cities or states.
If I respond to the compliments it’s usually saying thank you, as I don’t live anywhere near the area I’m visiting.

[slatyb]

We're back to the first question: What are you doing, where are you going to meet young men?

[Asker]

I used to be in different clubs for things I was interested in as well as going to the gym and on runs. I haven’t been able to do those things within the last 2 months, so I’ve worked out at home.
But I also live in a predominantly white town, which many of those guys have stated they don’t like women of color which is fine, they’ve just made it very obvious I’m not someone there interested in.

[slatyb]

Have you considered moving?

[Asker]

Unfortunately I can’t. My mother has cancer and isn’t doing well so unless I leave her here alone there is no option for me to move, but then again maybe a relationship isn’t something I should even be considering at all. I mean, I have other things to worry about. So after a few days of thinking after posting this question I’ve decided that I’ll spend my life single, it seems the most productive for me as I’m obviously not a fit for anyone.

[slatyb]

I'm so sorry to hear that. You gave your age as 18-24. Your life is a long time. I was in a disastrous marriage, divorced in my thirties, and am now happily remarried. Whatever is happening now is temporary.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Maybe the right man for you just commented here.. 😉

But seriously, you're 23 like me. Relationships come unexpectedly. Put yourself out there sis. I got asked in many places I didn't know someone would ask my number. (Like in a detergent aisle in grocery 😂 pharmacy 😂 malls, furniture shop, coffee shop, park, etc.) They are just not my type though. 😂 Not suggesting those places are great to look for a man, but what I mean is, go everywhere possible where someone can see you. Flaunt your beauty. ✨

[HawkPerception]

Well said

[Amy_Mi]

Attraction isn’t just about wanting someone good, it’s about aligning energy, standards, and presence.

A good man responds to clarity, confidence, and consistency, not desperation or compromise.

Examine where your energy goes, what patterns you accept, and whether your boundaries communicate your value.

The right person finds you when you fully embody your worth, not before.

[Staximus]

Any woman can get a man. If they don't have one, it's usually due to their lack of social skills or unrealistically high standards. You don't have to settle for a piece of shit guy, you just have to get out there and meet people and interact with them like a normal person.

[Anonymous]

You won't want to hear it bit, You're simply not attracted to good men. But that's ok, this is a very common problem amongst women today. You'll either figure it out at some point and settle down with a good man. Or you won't figure it out and 20 years. later you'll be asking this same question. Albeit with a little more hostility.

[Asker]

I mean… I’ve only been in one relationship so it’s not like I’m dating around a whole bunch. But I also live in an area where it’s really just a bunch of dudes in there 40’s

[HighValue]

What do you look like? Do you have tattoos, a nose ring, short unnaturally colored hair, or are 50+ pounds overweight?

[Asker]

I have one tattoo and my hair isn’t short at all. And no I’m not 50+ overweight

[Yoursweetgirl]

You're young, there's still time to find a good man. I'd day the reason is that your time hasn't come yet, be more patient, focus on yourself and time will do its thing.

[jahaims]

People your age are usually still immature and aren't into finding someone for marriage.

[Iron_Man]

That’s why women date, old men plus they’re attracted to them

[jcoffey612]

You will, just give it time, there’s someone for everyone.

[Danny_dan92]

Dating hasn’t been good for many years now

[Anonymous]

Maybe you didn't met someone right