I have a crush on a girl I don’t even know — how do I stop comparing myself to her and move on?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys,

I’ve developed a crush on a girl I don’t actually know. We’re from the same ethnic and religious background, same community, and I found her through mutual friends. But lately I’ve fallen into this unhealthy habit, I keep checking her social media every day, even looking through her friends’ and family profiles just to see more pictures of her. It's been going on for couple of years.

Part of the reason I caught feelings is because she’s so different from the girls in my community. Most girls I grew up around were quite reserved, but she seems outgoing, confident, independent, and open-minded. That contrast pulled me in.

Meanwhile, I’m in a pretty lonely stage of life. I’m (30 years old) doing my MSc remotely, studying most of the time, and looking for a job or internship in a tough market. I live with my parents, don’t have much of a social circle, and barely have hobbies anymore. My life feels small and repetitive.

She, on the other hand, works in tech at a big company, travels with a diverse group of friends, and appears to party and drink, even though that goes against our shared religious background. Her lifestyle is very different from what I expected someone from our community to have.

Seeing her stories, holidays, nights out, weddings, parties, just makes me feel insecure and jealous. I end up comparing my entire life to someone who doesn’t even know I exist.

How do I stop feeling like this and break out of this habit of checking her profile every day?

[OneViewpoint]

Dude, you’re not gonna like this but you need to hear it. You don’t have a crush on the girl. At least not the normal romantic “she’s beautiful” sort of crush. And what you’re doing is stalking but for a very unusual reason. And you know it’s not healthy. That’s a start.

You’re hooked on her story. You resent the ethnic and religious cultural box your community has held you in. She broke out. You don’t have the balls, so far, to do what she has. You envy her. You want to be like her. But you’re afraid of what comes with breaking those chains that bind you.

I get it. That’s some scary shit. Family, friends, religion. You’re potentially walking away from all of it. But you’re clearly not happy with it. And aren’t they sort of assholes for controlling everyone in your community like that. Do you really want those people directing your life?

Man up. Break the chains that bind you and venture out in search of the life you want to have. Or stop obsessing over what could be and accept that you’ll be wearing those chains until the day you die.

Get over the girl. She’s not what’s eating at you. You need to fix yourself. Or be at peace with your current life. She’s shown you it can be done. Do you think she didn’t struggle mightily with the same decisions? Make your choice.

[In_Trance]

Stay the hell off the internet and your problem is solved

[Zionne]

You’re not in love with her, you’re in love with the life she represents, especially during a lonely, stagnant phase of your own. The quickest way to break the habit is to build momentum in your life again: delete or mute her profiles, fill your time with social, physical, and career moving actions, and redirect that energy toward real women you can actually meet. And if you want to break out of the comparison spiral and start building a dating life where women like her become normal to you, Jared’s dating class is literally built for this. It teaches you how to rebuild confidence, expand your social world, and stop putting any one girl on a pedestal.

[HollyK21]

So this is cyberstalking, and if that terminology makes you feel weird or uncomfortable then use that feeling to help you stop doing it. Comparison is the thief of joy, so if she’s living a life that you wish you had then start making the moves to change that. Switch up your routine, save up for a trip somewhere even if you’re going alone, stop waiting for the right things to align in order for you to give your life fulfillment. No one is promised tomorrow, so to live like you’ve got all the time in the world to eventually make this or that happen is a waste. You could literally make a change today — right now.

[Purpleronnie]

Couldn’t have said it any better

[heathbeme]

Yep this right here dude your thirty go to a pub a bar get off socials go out meet people I’m 55 never pined for a girl/woman on socials there no reason for this go out that what wrong with these generations your all attached to your phone an stocking people online go enjoy life your 30 shit when I was your age I was out with friends working 80 hours a week an just having fun in the weekend

[Bitter_Sweet94]

It sounds like you’ve gotten caught in a loop of comparison that’s feeding insecurity rather than inspiration.

The first step is realizing that social media is a curated highlight reel, what you see isn’t the full picture of her life, just what she chooses to show.

You’re measuring your behind the scenes against someone else’s edited snapshots, and that’s always going to make you feel lacking.

A few ways to break the habit

* Limit exposure Unfollow or mute her for a while. Out of sight can help reset your thought patterns.

* Redirect your energy, Fill your time with activities that grow your life rather than observing someone else’s.

Even small routines, exercise, learning a skill, or hobbies create tangible progress and confidence.

* Reframe your mindset, Instead of comparing, observe what draws you to her as insight for yourself.

You admire confidence, independence, openness, how can you cultivate those traits in your own life?

* Build your circle, Try reconnecting with friends, joining groups, or online communities in your field.

Feeling socially enriched reduces the urge to live through someone else’s experiences.


Remember the goal isn’t to erase admiration, it’s to stop it from controlling your self worth.

You’re not failing because your life isn’t like hers, you’re on your own path, and that’s enough.

[Noredcarpet]

There are several problems here all wrapped around one another.

1) you do not know her. You are in love with an image of her. This image gets more built up as you follow her social platforms.

2) you are at a stage right now where your life looks different, your own choice to some extent, but maybe not all? Think about what you would like your life to be about. Set up a plan. Follow through. Do not compare. If she does too much on her social media then there is something wrong with the picture, trust me.

My ex was obsessed with me several years without me knowing what obsession, stalking could look like, and me having difficulty grasping that. Obsession is not what is often taught, I feel at least, as if it is complimentary, there are dark feelings there and you are feeling them. That too was about his own issues, unrequisted love and that get scary, form of control, lost time, etc.

Your brain is addicted to this right now and overall to get to your next step you should proberbly talk to someone to help you further ahead how to beat this thing.

[RxR0954]

That’s stalking and creepy… should be enough reasons for you to stop checking her social media out. It been a couple years since you stalked this girl just to compare yourself to her, and you obviously feel worse everytime. Remind yourself that you’re just gonna feel shittier the more you do it, and you don’t want to be a creep

[Abbycado]

Sounds like this is all online? Don’t log on. If you have to take drastic measures because it is that big of a problem, delete your account. You can always sign up again in the future.

[Gagforlifetime]

How could you be in love if you never spoke to her you are just attracted to her beauty nothing else

[Anonymous]

Just stop looking at her profile, and it will pass.

[Staximus]

Get off your stupid social media

[blackeagle007]

Don’t get in the creep zone