What do I do if I’m mad at my boyfriend but it’s not the right time to talk about it?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has been staying out late at bars and places with drinking. He was invited out by a woman I've never met from his old job and he hasn't mentioned who else is there. I never get invited to any of these things. It's almost 3AM and I've barely heard from him. He knows this bothers me. That's the quick background of why I'm upset.

He just sent me a text after a few hours of silence, casually asking how I'm doing. I don't want to ignore him but I don't want to argue because he's with people. If I text dry then he will notice and I'll ruin his fun. But I can't pretend to be happy about something that makes me very upset. Any advice on how to handle these feelings and this situation in the moment?

[DishLady]

Well I can tell you what I did and you can take it or leave it.

Something terrible was happening -- a breech of trust -- and he came up to me with the big puppy dog eyes I know ALL TOO WELL. I didn't look at him. I just put up my hand in disgust and said "Don't... Don't talk to me." very calmly and quietly. He looked like he was going to say something else but I quickly started keeping myself busy till he finally walked away.

We're likely to end up discussing it on some level, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't want to be surrounded by people and arguing with him. And I didn't want to look at him and soften my stance. There's nothing he can say to address the matter in a satisfactory manner at this time...

I'm holding my ground -- better single than miserable.

[egan3141]

If you live together, bring up the next morning that it bothers you he is out with out people instead of you, and especially because he isn't telling you anything more than "drinking with old coworkers". That you just want to know what is happening and to spend more time together.

If you don't live together, just text him the next morning about the same issue. Doing nothing changes nothing. A relationship requires communication.

[Alex-Snow]

Sorry to hear this. Do you two live together? How old is he? At any rate he should be including you and I think it is kinda weird that he is going out with his "female friend" from an old job. You need to say something or it will not change. But I would do it when he is not drunk or when it is very late at night.

Is it messing with your sex life with him also?

[Staximus]

Wait till he's not drunk and you're not all pissed off and have a talk about it like adults. Clear and effective communication, not gen Z chicken shit avoidant behavior.

[BarryLiverstone]

Just make sure he’s safe and if he’s crossed any of your boundaries tell him this weekend

[jahaims]

You don't have self respect