Why do so many app dates lead to rejection due to “no chemistry” after 1 date?

[Anonymous]

It’s an app phenomenon, I’ve asked older people about dating pre-apps and they said it never happened back then as people gave it a chance for chemistry to develop over times. It seems now people want intense 5 billion volts chemistry within the first 5 minutes or they’re out.

[DishLady]

People today think they have options so they bail if they don't feel fireworks right away.

Funny thing is that the gals I know who do that end up scratching at the door of family friends and no one wants to set them up...

A good rule of thumb to determine compatibility is to see if they only talk about themselves and never ask any questions about you (or vice versa). In those cases there's clearly no chemistry.

[Asker]

So do you think apps create a shopping like mentality?

[Asker]

And also do you think it’s a bit like looking for properties on Rightmove? You might see lots of great properties but those are probably the ones you can’t afford.

[DishLady]

Yes in many ways. I don't know about “afford”…

For some it end up being more like the money pit you never should have wanted in the first place but bought due to false advertising.

[jennifer_bloom]

A person who grows up without vibrant and nourishing emotional environments, does not know how to value traits they cannot see or measure. Personality cannot be measured with rulers, or visually experienced with lines, so they view it as pointless.

[Asker]

How do you mean?

[jennifer_bloom]

I am telling you some people are so shallow they cannot process any romantic traits beyond physical attraction.

[ManOnFire]

That's why I don't do online dating. It's like fast food. There is no serious interest in finding someone. Most people on dating sites are looking for unrealistic partners, someone who will make their ex jealous, or has celebrity appearance.

[Asker]

A unicorn?

[ManOnFire]

Pretty much, yeah. Did you notice most of the women on dating sites want you to know they went to college and got a degree? These are your "strong" career women who don't understand anything about love or relationships and want to date like how they see it on TV or movies. That's why they're on these apps anyway, looking for unrealistic partners.

[slatyb]

I don't believe chemistry develops -- for me chemistry is partially physical, but it's mostly intellectual. If we can't maintain a conversation on the first date, I don't think a relationship will work.

[Asker]

So what is “chemistry” which girls refer to?

[slatyb]

For me it's mostly an enjoyable conversation -- a conversation that I want to continue, and of course physical attraction is part of it.

[Anonymous]

Because most people aren't honest on dating apps. And even if they are, the other person isn't even really listening. For all the dates I've been on from dating apps not a single woman I've met has ever taken the time to read my profile. Presumably they all just looked at my pics and decided yea or nay. How you supposed to know if we're a match looking to date like that? It's a recipe for failure.

[Nikki1989]

Because apps attract the worst of the worst. Quality people don't need dating apps.

[Asker]

What alternatives would you suggest?

[slatyb]

Dating apps worked well for me. If the women aren't reading your profile, you should know that in their first reply. Are you reading theirs, and responding to it?