Why don’t some men understand that if a woman is genuinely into you she will put in effort?

Question

A woman who genuinely wants to spend time with you. Won’t let you make all the effort… She will plan dates. She will initiate dates. She will find time if she’s genuinely busy.

If you’re the only one reaching out to her. You’re planning everything… She’s flaking on you. She’s busy but somehow never has any free time. If she’s going out with you at all…. Especially if you’re paying. She’s probably using you for dates as well as personal validation.

She will also go on simple dates a. Woman who genuinely likes you and wants to get to know you…. Will go for coffee or a long walk. Especially if the date isn’t going well either person can easily leave you’re not awkwardly stuck or have to make a awkward exit.

If she will only go bougie places with you…. She’s probably not That into you…. Sorry dudes. She isn’t.

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

You are exactly right. But the problem comes down to this:

Male ego struggles to accept the fact that a woman isn’t interested. So the ego gets caught up in the “illusion of action”. It thinks if the man puts more effort into pursuing the woman he will see results. This maybe true in all other aspects of a man’s life (working harder at this job, school, sports, etc). But unfortunately that’s not how it works in dating. In fact the opposite is often true.
The man is assuming the woman is playing “hard to get” and / or sh*t testing in the early stages. This can be true with some women. But the acid test is how she reacts after the makes an effort. Does she follow up at all? Rule of thumb is the man should make two legitimate efforts to express interest, set up a date, etc. If she says no after two tries then it’s time to cut your losses. And it’s hard for some men to cut their losses (this was me when I was younger)
The man wants to feel “special” and respected just for existing. The ugly truth is men are only “special” to women for what value they can provide (is he attractive, does he have money, is he funny, etc). But if the man can profile none of those things he is expendable to the woman (and society at large). Women can make demands to be “special” just for existing. But not men.
The feeling of being disrespected doesn’t sit well with the man’s ego. But you can’t beg for respect or “try harder” in dating. That’s not how it works with women unfortunately.

One major issue though is that it’s typically seen as more pathetic for a man to be long time single in society vs. a woman. Men who are romantically successful with women are looked at as more respectable overall.

But modern feminism has so warped dating that there are now record high rates of single men. So while that trend is very bad for western culture there is a silver lining that fewer men feel shame about being single nowadays. Less taboo.

But record high rates of single men are still not a good thing.

Twodogs0525 · Accepted Answer

I've always thought this. When a girl is into you, she doesn't play games. The guys that claim women play "hard to get", can't take a hint. The first date my wife and I went on, after I asked her out, went very late into the early morning. I had no idea that she had to be to her younger sisters dance recital by nine that morning! I felt bad and said she should have told me lol but she said it wasn't a problem.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Meh... define ALL.

A girl likes to know for sure that a guy is into her and not just chasing her down for sex. If she is too nie too soon the guy gets what he wants and then runs off never to be seen again.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Speaking for myself---so sometimes I do not want to venture out that night. I do tell the man that I feel like staying home and it has nothing to do with not being genuinely into him. Keep it real. :)

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Most men have never experienced that. Therefore there’s no reason to believe that it’s true. Just because you can tell a good story, that doesn’t make any of it true.
One of the largest polls of its kind taught us that less than 15% of women have ever made the first move and a negligible percentage of respondents do so as the norm. “Negligible percentage” in polling and surveys means the number of responses was smaller than the calculated likelihood for deviation.
When a person’s personal experience matches the prevailing data, believing someone telling a radical fairytale like the one you’ve woven here is just plain dumb.

WellBye · Answer

Some people have never been with a partner who was really into them, so they don't know what to look out for. They're just happy to have someone and can’t see the signs, if their partner still around, they automatically believe they are loved.

RxR0954 · Answer

Because culturally as kids we’re told by others around us that if a woman is interested she won’t let you know and would “play hard to get” and be “passive”… i hate that so much lol it also makes it harder for some dudes to get it after getting rejected because they think the other person is just “playing hard to get”. Before i have encountered situations where i had to suck it up, be mean and brutally reject some men, because they refused to back down as they probably assume “women love to be chased after”. Back in college i even had to report a dude to the office as he simply didn’t get it after i turned him down 3-4 times in a row in just one conversation

Tarifa · Answer

OK. What if a woman says 'yes' to a date, the she sets up a time and date for you two to meet, confirms by voice message... and all of a sudden goes cold, avoids the subject, leaves you literally waiting and waiting... what happened there?

exitseven · Answer

It is not a matter of planning dates but it is a matter of showing up for you. What happens when you are sick? Does she stay away because it is no fun to be around sick people or does she bring you a treat and try and take care of you? What does she do for your birthday? It is things like that that make a difference.

jshm2 · Answer

Lol. You've been reading too many cheesy romantic novels, kiddo

Zack-Bann · Answer

This is common knowledge these days

Here’s something that’s less known and hard to understand :
Some women, will put in so much effort you will think they love every second with you
And yet they don’t.
In their mind you are nothing but a friend, or a colleague.
They can’t even see what it does to you emotionally.

Men are often accused of leading gullible women on and leaving them hanging.

But woman do it just as much if not more often

RavVid · Answer

It seems the first thought of some women is to hide that she likes you.

Anonymous · Answer

because men tend to like to chase women out of their league. they have a strong sense of entitlement to the best of the best

NathanDavis · Answer

some people are stupid... that's all drunk driving is still a thing today and that is just one example... lol

unending · Answer

It sounds like you're not capable of driving a girl crazy... Consider yourself lucky that you are a Melvin Milktoast and as a result get normal interactions. Women do weird shit even when they are very into you. A lot of them have anxiety, the over think shit, they get intimidated/scared, etc. and then weird things happen even though they are obsessed with you.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

If a lass is into you she'll lay b. j. s on you without being asked !!!

Zionne · Answer

Because men and women don't think a like. Men are from Mars, Women are from venus.

Hagar88 · Answer

The simple dates yes but generally she wants to be asked out rather than ask. She will put herself in your sphere.

blackeagle007 · Answer

I feel you’re right. Why wouldn’t she put in effort otherwise?

queenofcardio · Answer

I make it known if I am interested

genericname85 · Answer

cause some women "just being nice" seem like "putting in effort" cause compared to all the other cold ass girls they seem way more invested.

Anonymous · Answer

Facts. Nice to hear some other guy on here waking the guys up.

_piotr · Answer

Women do not put much effort in dating. They want men to do everything by himself.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Because a woman never has? Actions speak louder than words

Alex-Snow · Answer

Makes sense to me!

Why don’t some men understand that if a woman is genuinely into you she will put in effort?

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