What did historical romance get right that modern dating gets wrong?

[HawkPerception]

[Chazmatazz269]

Time and parental guidance.
People used to take lots of time getting to know each other and their respective families. Long intimate conversations, love letters, and public displays of intention. Sex out of wedlock was all but unheard of. So clearer heads prevailed.
These days, everyone is instant gratification oriented. Even if they date for years, they somehow manage to avoid the most meaningful conversations to establish long term compatibility.

[blackgaletiger]

Natural attraction and raw communication. The internet destroyed that in our time. Another is roles. People knew their roles and worked/lived for something other than themselves. People didn't live long during those times so procreation was more ideal so finding a partner young could be expected

[ohsheeT]

Well first of all 2 different types of people and time everything.\nWas much more slow paced if you wanted to talk to a girl , you couldn't drive over to go see her , you had to ride your horse or walk

I think it probably is the same as it is now. Except for

Back then you didn't get in other people's business today. Everybody's in your business

Word was your word. Your handshake was your name , and you did the right thing

In today's time, everybody's trying to get over on you. It seems like

For me, it was kind of be really nice to go back to those times

I love to work so I wouldn't mind those times at all. I would probably even invent a few things l o l

[DishLady]

Let's take "historical romance" with a grain of salt bc it's in the past and ofc idealized now. But generally speaking the fact that people weren't all the way up each others asses 24/7 texting and cyber stalking helped make the space needed to logically "miss" them. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a real thing.

[AviatorTom]

Historical romance followed a set of well-defined rules for how ladies and gentlemen interacted. For example, an unmarried woman needed to be formally introduced to an unmarried man by another person; an unmarried woman must have a chaperone when with an unmarried man, unless they are betrothed; a gentleman must always act like one when with a woman. Those rules got thrown own by feminism in the 1960s and later.

[Zack-Bann]

Dating itself is largely similar, it’s the people who changed



Historically kids weren’t pampered. They weren’t sheltered and praised for doing nothing, showered with participation trophies.


That made responsible and hard working adults.
It installed core values that humans have found attractive since the dawn of time


So dating was simpler because you knew the person in front of you was a person of good qualities


Now everyone is an overgrown baby who cries if they don’t get exactly what they want.
Willing to selfishly cheat and later justify it with flimsy excuses and made up words.
And everyone expects the princess treatment (both men and women) completely unwilling to go out of their way even slightly for the betterment of the relationship itself.


That’s where it all went wrong
We stopped raising boys to be men and raising girls to be ladies.
Which is ironic considering how parenting today is a complex science and back in the day it was just a freestyle

[MikeMcMansion]

Historically marriages were arranged

[Zack-Bann]

Depends on the time and place

we can’t pretend like all historical marriages were arranged

It’s a convenient way to overlook the whole conversation

[MikeMcMansion]

Ignoring it is the convenience

[7Phoenix7]

The first thing that came to mind is accountability. Back then there was no hiding behind screens… no catfishing no disappearing into the internet. You had to show up as yourself.

And I think roles and expectations were more clearly defined too. People knew what commitment looked like and what was expected of them. Modern dating has more freedom which is good. But it also means so many people are just dating without agreeing on what commitment looks like, or what mutual effort looks like etc.

[Persephone02]

The slow-burn romance where they often started out as friends or just trying to get to know each other better before even thinking about something more serious whereas now many of us want things fast and now. No courtship, just straight to love and sex. Not even barely knowing each others last names or anything of great value like interests and values. Many just like the idea of being with someone and not actually being with the person. Whereas back then, it was about finding commonality with the person. Modern dating can be quite sad and we need to get back to certain things in historical romance like the slow-burn romance where we start out as friends first.

[RavVid]

There were considerable societal changes about 1960. Prior to then, marriage was the price of sex. A person who cheated was shunned by society - a divorced woman was close to synonymous with whore.

Certainly oral contraception was a big change and no fault divorce about a decade later radically changed male/female relations. Oral made it easier for planned parenting and no fault divorce made it easy to leave marriages.

The question is pitched at the individual couple level whilst the societal perspectives have wrought most of the change.

About the only change that is reinforcing of stable male female relationships is the availability of DNA testing.

[Jackblue]

Honestly not much, abuse was more common and unpunished in those relationships. We think that "hookup culture" is modern but illegitimate children were actually kind of common back then. We are more honest about our vices that is all.

[queenofcardio]

From my understanding , it was easier back then to connect with someone on an emotional level. There was more importance on falling for someone's character versus how they look.

[MikeMcMansion]

Arranged dates before marriage, often called courting with chaperones.

[Xoirwinkan]

Modern dating is heavily focused on sex rather than romance, due to dating apps like tinder and a hypersexual culture.

[DonaldDarko]

they knew less about things than we do today.