Why can’t dating be as old fashioned as it used to be 🤔?

Question

Why? 🤔

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You can't be a "modern woman" and expect a traditional man. Traditional relationships were based on a modernized version of Chivalry, and Chivalry is based on men and women having very different and distinct roles in society. It is the opposite of Equality, and cannot coexist in a relationship with equality, anymore than you can be in a room that is both light and dark, or loud and silent.

Women overwhelmingly choose Feminism, which isn't equality, but let's just say that it is. In equality, you give up all of your chivalrous privileges and get treated just as men would treat another men. Feminists INSISTED on this, in fact. Except many still somehow expected to retain their chivalrous privileges (without any of the responsibilities of chivalry), while also enjoying all the privileges of equality (without any of the responsibilities, of course), and are shocked and upset that men aren't willing to play along.

The rule is, you get to pick ONE OR THE OTHER, and whichever you choose, you get BOTH the privileges AND the liabilities of, and you don't get to switch back and forth as it suits you.

There ARE traditional men in the world, but they are only interested in traditional women, so if you aren't a traditional woman, then these men simply aren't available to you, and you will have to choose a "modern" man if you want to be in a relationship, and that comes with modern sensibilities and behaviors.

DCooper · Accepted Answer

It's more of a fast food culture now. Or maybe a buffet is a better analogy. When it was no longer necessary for guys to put in the time to get serious, it also started shifting toward not being worth the time and effort. Everything and everyone are disposable and interchangeable nowadays. It's a big part of why I just walked away from the whole concept years ago.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You are only seeing the romantic part.. a lot of people would hook up at parties and with less effective birth controls some had to marry and have a family with their ONS. Also before women got their own rights they would barely survive if they did not marry a man, and some had to take whomever was proposing and could more easily end up with someone abusing them. Marriage have also for centuries been an instalment to join households for business and strategic purposes, not for love.

It might be more rare to get to know each other before having sex now (because sex is not as high risk anymore plays a huge factor here), but it is still a thing and you can still meet people who is likes it that way.
I prefer this modern world for sure. It has all the opportunities, just lower risk to end up in a situation you cannot get out of.

TwinkleLily5 · Accepted Answer

When people were real and genuine 😩.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

People aren’t old fashioned anymore! That’s the main reason why dating can’t be as old fashioned as it was.

HeartIntensity · Answer

Assuming that 'things were better back then' is an oft-made mistake. Cheating, break-ups and hang-ups have always been there. It does depend on how far back you are looking and what culture it is and if you are looking at movies or history. It used to be (in most cultures) a deadly sin for a woman to cheat (yes back then it was almost always the woman that was blamed) and if a woman was caught---she could be killed for it. So, best answer based on the question? No death penalty now for women stepping out. (no not a sexist, men step out too, but usually didn't get in trouble for it)

Best answer to what I think is your intended question: Gender roles are no longer really there. We don't have a set of rules/guidelines to follow anymore. Best analogy? Ballroom dancing with very precise movements and choreography vs freestyle at a club. One has a set of rules for you to follow and that allows you to express yourself and get to know your partner in a clearly defined role/place. The other is chaotic. It can be fun and it can be a total train wreck.

VanillaSalt · Answer

It can’t because feminism. I’m not going into all that Bulldog but…with this new modern women brought in by feminism the games completely changed.

Ima list these changes to make it easyier on me and Ide like your opinion on it.

Sex is easy to get without commitment. Commitment dangerous for men.
Men don’t feel they gain anything from commitment.
What are they committing to though? Women don’t perform the old fashioned roles anymore but we’re still expected to?
Datings become complicated. One standard made a man a gentleman or not. Now however the same action to one woman is seen as chivalrous while to another it’s sexist and even possibly assault.

Men and women don’t value each other anymore. I need to go into detail on this one…social media like Instagram and dating apps inflate young women’s egos and make them feel important. But that’s a man’s job. Honey just cause you a little cute does not entitle you to a good man. Also the really hot or rich men whom can give young ladies everything they want don’t value these women anymore then another option of which they got many. And women don’t seem to notice the guys that would value them because these are the guys without options.

Nomoturtle · Answer

These are the trade-offs accompanying the social revolutions of the last 70 years. That I can think of:

The behaviours within society have altered to reflect the incision we made to part of our nature; the biological purpose of sex. The invention of the pill changed the meaning of sex from making a family to pleasure. Now the child is an unwanted afterthought - if considered at all - of a hedonistic pursuit. It turns out Hedonism isn't very meaningful or satisfying.

Women's liberation under a Marxist reframing of society also contributed, which has also continued even as feminism has somewhat receded, expanding into many social dimensions; religion, race, sexuality, etc. The relationships between men and women have been upset by a totalitarian ideal of an impossible equality between everything.
People's prior commitments to functional philosophy, attitudes, and norms (which can still be found in many places today outside the Western liberal world) have been usurped and disregarded as merely being "old fashioned" in favour of apparently non-functional ones.
That said, question your beliefs and live how you like, maybe you'll be able to recreate what was disinherited, or maybe you'll be the genius to find some other stable form that's neither this nor that.

TruthBringer · Answer

You can thank feminism for shitting on men who have traditional values. Doing chivalrous things like opening a door for a woman is oppression nowadays. Men have adapted to today's standards of women. Being old fashioned is often seen as weak, needy, desperate, etc. Women react to the highs of men who have 'bad boy' traits. Old fashioned acts are often a shortcut to the friendzone or simply rejection al together. If women in their masses liked old fashioned men, then men would still act old fashioned.

JoseJr · Answer

The problem lies in women trying to be "Modern women" but expecting guys to be traditional. Bigger problem is that all modern women expect a whole lot with very little in return from themselves. Add that so many people hype them up, we have average looking girls believing their super models. Im not saying its bad to be average I consider myself average looking. But most girl just go out looking for validation. Only decide to settle down after they have been ran through. Expect a 6 figure man, 6ft tall, fit man, thats gonna take care of every little thing for them, but only bring pre used coochie to the table.

someginger · Answer

Ah yes dating the old fashioned way? You mean going out with a guy you barley kmow getting pregant than due to the social pressure you have to get married to a person you barley now?

The form of dating you see as old fashioned is just in films. Dating has always been the same, it wasn't all flowersand drinking milkshakes at a dinner.

Amy10223 · Answer

I wish the same were true. Nowadays I hear there is a 3 day rule: After 3 days of dating, you need to hook up with a guy. What? I don't hook up with strangers. It seems that sex is something like a sport these days, and taken not very seriously between couples that are new to one another. That, I find sad.

Anonymous · Answer

I was about to respond to this and then I read the response from MrOracle. He nailed it and I can't really add much. I'll just say that I see a LOT of women lately who are complaining about men not being old fashioned or traditional in dating anymore. I'm sorry to point fingers but women are to blame for that, for all of the reasons he outlined already.

What women are getting today is exactly what anyone with any common sense could have told you that you would get decades ago when you asked for equality. Equality means equality, and that's not just "equality when it's convenient and beneficial for women". It has consequences, as you are seeing now.

Women, as a whole, have made their collective bed and now they have to lie in it. You let the genie out of the bottle and I'm pretty sure it's never going back in. If it is, it's going to take a hell of a lot of work and effort on the part of women, and I don't see that happening, ever.

Paul09 · Answer

Because those good men keep getting shut down, while bad boys use women for sex. After so many first dates, just feel used and unwanted. Now I avoid that. Well actually it's way too hard to me women today. Dating site suck so much. Do you realize we have feelings too? We arnt just a wallet? Man has to ask out the woman, man has to pay, man has to ask he'd put in second date, man has to pay, man has to crack the code if she likes him or not. Man has to make the first kiss, first everything it seems. When both are fully grown adults, both work hard, so why does the scale alway top in one direction? It's all mentally stressing. So hard to trust people too.

Anonymous · Answer

It can be if you want it to be. Before I married the woman I am with, I got to know her and then asked her father's permission to court her. I had to come to her house every week and be in the presence of her family so they could get to know me. Then, after a while, they permitted me to take her out on some old fashioned dates alone. We did that for a while and eventually married.

Phoenix-gb · Answer

Technology, Feminism (not necessarily saying it's a bad thing overall, just that in relation to dating, increased rights for women means less reliance on men, so less pressure to find a long term partner) media environment pushing the generally looksist nature of our society (being average looking is no longer good enough for a lot of people), the rise of fast/instant gratification culture meaning people don't want to invest time... probably more.

HighValue · Answer

My advice would be if you find someone that you match well with, agree that both of you limit your social media use to only communicating with friends you know IRL, no posting pictures without each other's approval (for friends only, not public posts at all), and explain that you want a relationship without all of the modern destructive influences/expectations.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

Because feminism has happened back in the day being traditional mean basically accepting gender roles but most women wasn't technically satisfied with the stay at home wife role. Basically chivelry and feminism can't possibly coexist with each other without cancelling the other one out.

poof_22 · Answer

Lmao to the guys being mad about feminism. Apparently having basic dignity and freedom as a human being means that you are no longer suitable for love and relationship because men can't own you and control you, cute.

annabananna · Answer

If you want it to be that way you have to require it from a man. If they don’t want to take time to get to know you and be meaningful you just let them go. It is harder now to find that and I think it is because online dating makes it so easy to find meaningless hookups.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

Well said! But first you would have to convince the people to get their heads out of their fucking "smart"phones for at least an hour at a time... :-/

Anonymous · Answer

It can be, but lots of men and women prefer hookups and online dating now and you can’t expect much from that. People saying it’s because of “equality” is wrong. Getting to know one another has nothing to do with that, you either want to or you dont, it has everything to do with people’s morals and what they actually want.

MCheetah · Answer

Feminism. It's told gentlemen they're "misogynistic," attractive women they're "problematic," and average single men they're "incels" and people actually fell for it.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

When you say "old fashioned" I assume you mean like how my grandma and grandad were like when he used to beat her and take her money to go down the pub with. Super romantic but that was just common place back then 🙄

weysally · Answer

the main reason is, some women in the past has objected to some men making a pass at them, they call it sexual harassment, men and boys are afraid to suggest a date now

DJaQueef · Answer

Back in the day all they had were outhouses. It was impossible to pull off upper deckers or reverse kangas. That and Little House on the Prairie, Leave it to Beaver and the Brady Bunch were a lie. No one acts or acted like that shit in real life.

scooogy · Answer

The first time I decided to bring flowers to the date was the only one because her friend who wasn't planned to join us made her feel uncomfortable about them.

De_La_BakedBeans · Answer

Genuine relationships are more like what your describing. But I see what you mean. A lot of people date just the the sake of dating... It's kind of odd.

Melanin_royalty · Answer

Oh man right! I want to be courted. I want someone to actually want a relationship with me and not just see me as someone to lick their stick. They get sooo mad when you tell them you're not going to do anything sexual with them but won't act like a respectable man to have a relationship with you so they can do said sexual stuff... smh

LinaDaGoddess · Answer

Because men can now focus and entertain over 300 girls in a day… that’s why… before they had to actually work at getting to know a girl.. the investing was different.

Lucid_Dreams · Answer

Our world is now revolved around sex. Sex is everything now.

Anonymous · Answer

Because guys just want to get their dick wet and keep it easy with no real commitment until they are whored out with STDs. Men are disgusting

little_bird1 · Answer

It's the social media and overpopulation. Nobody is trying anymore because there are too many instant other options.

JDAC2209199 · Answer

Old dating doesn't fit with the times or people anymore although some of the things in the past would still be nice

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

What you're referring to as old fashioned is actually called dating. To answer your question, what you're seeing is people not having enough respect for themselves to be patient.

NathanDavis · Answer

you can date in any way you want, as soon as you find someone to do it with you and also wants it the same way... that's not forbidden at all... lol

cookiecrusher · Answer

Look around you. How many old fashioned men and women do you see?  Not many, and most of them aren't looking for that, so eveybody just adapts to what works or what is currently in "fashion".

Loveisgirthy · Answer

It can still be like that but with a healthier view on sex and feeling in general. Just too many people not looking for that yet. Love's a big chore and its risky business. People rather have the good score and stay happy.

TallAnon · Answer

Back then, when?
Back then you had 3 girls near you, pick one.
Back then girls were sold for the best gifts towards the family

Nowadays you can spend literally years without seeing a single person, so of course things are different.

clampfan101 · Answer

How is it different nowadays? (Aside from the pandemic, of course.)

NajemEddineBR · Answer

too late for that  Chivalry is dead and women killed it.

Shiningtempest · Answer

@joygirl Dating won't be old-fashioned as it used to be because some dating practices will inevitably go extinct as years go by.

slatyb · Answer

What do you want? You don't have to settle for something else. There are men capable of planning a date.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Social Media & Technology are culprits in the negative changes to dating.

AncientWisdom · Answer

Times have changed. I miss those days. People are all about instant self- gratification now.

exitseven · Answer

I think movies and television have trivialized relationships. Social media has made it difficult to make real connections with people.

KatherineJ · Answer

Why lament for just the positive side of “old fashioned”? Honestly, women have more independence, and I think it’s good that way. Men are free to pick, and so are women.

Tomsta · Answer

Because times move on, also the era you're referring to also didn't treat women as equal, they weren't second class citizens but they were laughed at if they joined a male dominated field

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

It still is. Nthing has changed because people nature doesn't change.  People where whoring around back then too, but do to a lack of technology it wasn't visible to the masses to see as it is today.

Msputiton · Answer

You answered the question with the question.  Old fashioned is just a term out of date

Anonymous · Answer

With girls using men for money and free meals, i don't want to be targeted as such. It makes me feel like a wallet on legs.
And as such if I don't want to be the next one being used for money, then I am to take a few basic precautions.

CasaNorba · Answer

women today have the upperhand on dating, so it would of been smart to make this a female answer only question

Ironic_Method · Answer

Weird to think that people haven't been hooking up since the beginning of time. You're looking at a nostalgia that doesn't exist.

Flower7 · Answer

Dating sites made things become too electronic. Cell phones and texting contributed to that also.

Fireguy17 · Answer

It can be, but both parties have to want to do it that way. I'm older, so if I were still dating that is how I would prefer to go on a date.

donnny2367764 · Answer

Cause our intentions are out in the open from the moment we first make contact. If a girl wants to fuck she will make it clear to a guy she doesn't want anything serious... same goes for guys

UdontNeedtoknow · Answer

because women are not longer lady like... If you desire traditional courtship, then act like a lady and not a basic tinder slut. Smartphones destroyed women and love in so many ways.

Anonymous · Answer

The clear answer to your question is feminism, which has had a lot of unintended and unpleasant consequences for women. I say unintended, but those consequences should not have come as a surprise to anyone.

Mark987 · Answer

Because people became materialistic.. I blame a lot of this on social media... people are trying to be something they are not

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Because women are sluts. If a large portion of women are not virgins, dating cannot possibly be anything like how it used to be in the past.

Anonymous · Answer

True in some aspects. I’m glad men aren’t like that anyone. Girls today don’t deserve this (for the most part). But I’d rather date a girl that is more independent and doesn’t use me for my money.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Technology mam , it's brought people physically closer but kept there souls apart

hellacray · Answer

Yeah I miss the old days where women stayed home and cleaned.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

Because of apps and the internet, women can find a new guy much faster that before.

Why can’t dating be as old fashioned as it used to be 🤔?

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