How does it make you feel when somebody constantly looks at their phone while having a conversation? And are you guilty of doing this at times?

Question

OneViewpoint · Accepted Answer

No I am not guilty of doing this. Friends of mine do this. I look at it as some sort of dependency. A group of us usually meet up at an upscale wine bar on Fridays. This one guy is manic about checking his phone constantly. He can't leave it alone.

I guess my phone habits really disturb him. To the point he couldn't control himself one time. He just had to know.

So generally I carry my phone in my back pocket. When I sit down at the bar with friends, it's not comfortable in my pocket and I'm also concerned about it falling out so, I take it out and place it face down on the bar in silent mode with all notifications turned off. I'll leave it like that for an hour or two. Then I'll pick it up and quickly scan messages, calls, and emails. If no one is in imminent danger of death, I'll put the phone back face down on the bar.

This one guy was absolutely unnerved by my behavior. He asked why I do that with my phone and immediately volunteered his theory. And that theory was that I had hot dirty conversations going on with women and I didn't want anyone else (other women or men) to see all this salacious conversation.

You should have seen his face when I told him I couldn't give a crap if other people saw my phone. I'm only concerned about me not looking at my phone constantly. I actually think he thought I was lying. He gave me a sly side eye look, like "yeah sure". As if my behavior was radical and I was trying to hide something from other people.

But the truth is, I make a conscious decision to be in the moment even if it's just the idiots I hang out with or some woman I don't know trying to chat me up. I refuse to be on an electronic leash or a slave to a pocket appliance. I own the phone. The phone does not own me.

So I hold other people to that same standard. If I'm chatting with a woman or on a date with her and she's distracted by her phone half the time, I'll either spin around and start talking to someone else the moment she reaches for her phone or I'll cut the date short and walk out. No I'm not exaggerating. Yes I will do that. If that is her default mode of social interaction, we are not compatible. Why worry about offending her?

Shiprex · Accepted Answer

I have been but am trying to reduce my phone screen time and no longer do this, BUT if someone interrupts me I will try to give them my attention but also keep awareness of what I am doing till they finish.

HawkPerception · Answer

It does bother me quite a bit. And the only time I'm okay with it, is if they're looking something up related to the conversation or want to show me a video related to it. That's the only reason I'll take out my phone when I'm with someone. In big groups, it's different. When I don't care too much for the current conversation, I tune out and pull my phone out.

Anonymous · Answer

Unless I think they are absorbing nothing I'm saying I don't care. I'm not the only thing in their life and I shouldn't expect to have their undivided attention. At the same point, I do deserve their respect when conversing.

I was late to the party when it came to cell phones. I ended up getting one because people I knew were getting angry with me because they couldn't get a hold of me. I'm "high touch" not "high tech". I'm not going to say I NEVER look at my phone while listening to someone. But I don't make it a habit and I generally only do it when I'm expecting contact from someone through say a text message about pressing matters. Anything else can wait.

Screenwriter · Answer

The only time this is excusable is if someone says, "Look, I'm awaiting an important phone call/text and I'm going to be looking for it while we're together."

Unless someone has a dying relative, or citically ill child, I think turning off your phone while being social with someone is polite.

MontBlanc · Answer

It can feel dismissive or frustrating , like the other person isn’t fully present.

And yes, sometimes it happens to everyone, including me. The key is noticing it and refocusing on the person in front of you.

Being fully present shows respect and keeps conversations meaningful.

Tarifa · Answer

It's irrespectful. If I have to look at my phone - always in a professional context - I tell them in advance I need 30 seconds to answer a message or email.

There are several occasions where I either put my phone in flight mode or switch it off completely. Nothing is that urgent it can't wait 10 minutes.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Its super rude, especially when they go quiet when you're talking and don't respond.. I think it's their way of saying they don't feel like talking anymore.. I've hardly done it.. Except to my brother sometimes.. But I still act like I'm at least listening..

FunkyMonkee · Answer

At least slightly annoyed.
Unless I'm expecting to make or get a call, which is EXTREMELY rare, I leave the phone at home!! If I take it with me, unless I'm making or taking a call or need to know the time, it stays in my pocket!! I have NO NEED to stay connected 24/7!! I don't believe anyone else does, either!! It's bad enough I'm on the computer nearly all day because I have no one else here to talk to and nothing else to do, at the moment!

MarkyMark2006 · Answer

Honestly I find it disrespectful. Its an indicator that they aren't paying attention & im talking into the ether. It is the equivalent of a midday yawn during a conversation. It makes the phone addicts interlockular feel unimportant.

But then, I was always taught that anything typed with one's thumbs can't ber very important. I was raised to live in the here and now, to live in this moment & in this space, and anything beyond that is secondary.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Thankfully I don't know anyone that does that. I rarely see anyone I know even holding a phone, let alone using it. Outside of work and in emergencies, they serve no purpose. They really are a cancer on society.

RandomGirl42 · Answer

Omg, that is so annoying and I always make sure I don't do it, (Since I forget my phone half the time anyway) If it's done to me sometimes I'll just ask them "Hey, like, should I just text you or something instead?"

Zack-Bann · Answer

I don’t mind it if done subtly and not excessively  I never do it myself  Unless it’s during work hours and it’s my work phone That’s the only thing I would check mainly because I need to

NicholasofAustralia · Answer

@thegreenyogi that I'm clearly not their cup of tea ☕ and I should note that "I think we should see other people / I think we should be friends with other people"
Or even

Um, my eyes are you here 👀 📱

sage2021 · Answer

I believe that it's very rude to be on your cellphone and maintaining a conversation with me at the same time. I just stop 🛑 talking until they put their phone away.

lilBigPotato · Answer

It's annoying. Having a quick look is ok but if you keep playing with your phone while we're talking it feels like you don't really care what I have to say.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

„I hope I’m not distracting you.“  - Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock Ep. 1

rachel776 · Answer

i try to avoid doing this and my watch has signals so i know if something's important and i can quietly get away to look at my phone in private

BCRanger10 · Answer

I think it's rude, and maybe also shows a lack of social confidence. And no, I personally am not. Not recently at least.

Spencer10 · Answer

I absolutely hate this. I will sometimes stop a convo

exitseven · Answer

there were no cell phones when I was dating but I know if would piss me off.

permanentem · Answer

They're probably a meat Popsicle that takes commands from some dumb AI.

msc545 · Answer

It makes me feel annoyed. It has been a very long time since anybody has done this while they were with me.

AgentG111 · Answer

Depends on the conversation?  I've had to as I'm on call and if I was waiting for a child to call/text.

tfan1 · Answer

Well it pissed me off and I stopped talking until we started eating.

Surely · Answer

They must be very important to be expecting a phone call.

Iron_Man · Answer

I won’t be having a very many conversations with them anymore

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

I walk away. Straight up. I have been guilty of the same, but my intention didn't change.

NathanDavis · Answer

I take their phones away... lol

queenofcardio · Answer

It can be awkward

RavVid · Answer

I feel insulted.

Bricealan · Answer

@thegreenyogi More than rude. Stupid.

Agape93 · Answer

It's annoying, and no.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It depends upon the situation.

fish5505_87 · Answer

I guess sometimes!

How does it make you feel when somebody constantly looks at their phone while having a conversation? And are you guilty of doing this at times?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How does it make you feel when somebody constantly looks at their phone while having a conversation? And are you guilty of doing this at times?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.