Will women be turned off by my dating inexperience at 21?

[michael_veph]

So, i haven't been in any relationships yet. I've only been in 2 situationships that lasted about a month and a half each. (One ended because neither or us were willing to do long distance and i was moving away, and the second one ended because the girl was a red flag and i had to end it.) Now, since i haven't had an actual relationship, and am quite inexperienced when it comes to intimity (since i only had few chances when i had my situationships and i haven't done anything outside of those) i'm worried that girls might be put off and not willing to consider me as a potential romantic partner. So, to conclude, should i be concerned about this?

[Simslover92]

You're only 21. I didn't start being in a relationship until 31. You're fine.

[GrammariklyIncorrekt]

You're still pretty young, I wouldn't be too worried about it. Just be honest and confident in yourself.

[michael_veph]

Any advice about how to be confident? I think i have pretty okay looks. Like i'm probably pretty average. But i just don't feel confident in general, and definitely not when it comes to women and dating

[GrammariklyIncorrekt]

Tbh I have always thought I was a 6 at best before I started working out, and not too confident either. After I built a decent physique I could care less about what anyone thinks because I get looks and comments from women all the time now. It also helped me mentally because constantly failing a weight, and then finally being able to put it up builds a whole new confidence I've never had before. Having the physique is a plus, but I think people perceive you differently too, not just physically.

[Spencer10]

Good god you are only 21. You are supposed to be inexperienced. Ask this question when you turn 30.

[michael_veph]

I mean, i agree. I feel like i'm still young, but nowadays it feels like everyone already had a relationship or some type of intimicity with the opposite sex before the age of 18. I had my first situationship at 20, and the second one at 21. And both of the girls were really surprised and asked me how come that i was still a virgin back then and had never dated. So it did kind of feel like its strange to people

[Nikki1989]

You are starting late, but you still have plenty of time.

[michael_veph]

You don't think girls will mind it?

[Shrimpenjoyer]

Women who get turned off by that are r-tarded.

Especially considering your age.

Like all these "nEeDs eXpEriENcE" women I have seen, almost all of them were r-tarded.

[michael_veph]

Ahahaha, thanks man! I appreciate your answer :)

[Anonymous]

Nope that's fine. But yes, do not wait too much longer.

[michael_veph]

Yea ahaha, i know i shouldn't but now that i do want to get into an actual relationship i honestly don't know how i should even approach it :/ (if you're willing to hear more about it i wrote more in my second post on my profile, i don't want to bother you if you don't want to hear it)

[Opinion Owner]

I only see this post.

[michael_veph]

heyy, it didn't get posted on my profile for some reason. It was probably too long :/ But its basically everything in my reply to Abbycado (which is under this same post)

[Anonymous]

Probably not, but don't wait too long like me... I'm still completely inexperienced, never had a date at all.

[michael_veph]

Yea, i'm trying ahahaha. Thanks for the reply! And don't worry, we got this ;)

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome, and thanks for the support.

[Abbycado]

Nope. We all started somewhere.

[michael_veph]

Oki thanks for the reply! I have another related question if you don't mind.

How would you advise me to actually approach girls in real life?

Both of the situationships I’ve had came from dating apps, but honestly I don’t really feel like that’s a great place to meet people. The whole reason I went on them is because it seemed like my only chance to get into a relationship. The thing is, my whole life I’ve basically been too much of a coward to actively approach girls with the intention of it becoming something more. In both of the situationships I had, the girls were actually quite proactive. If they hadn’t pushed things forward themselves, I honestly think nothing would have happened. It’s not that I struggle socially in general. I have a decent number of friends and I can meet new people without too many issues. Sure, I can be a bit awkward at first sometimes, but I usually warm up pretty quickly and I’m completely comfortable around my friends or once I know people a bit.

The problem is more when there’s romantic interest involved. For example, with female friends I’ve liked in the past, I never made a move. Part of it was fear of losing a good friendship, and part of it was not wanting them to feel like I was only friends with them because I secretly wanted something more. I didn’t want to reinforce the stereotype that male friends always end up wanting more. On the other hand, when it’s someone I don’t know (like in a bar, event, campus, etc.), I’ve always been too scared to just walk up and start something.

So I kind of ended up stuck in this middle ground where I can meet people and make friends easily, but I rarely act when there’s actual attraction.

In your opinion, how can I get comfortable with approaching girls or just being confident in making some type of move, and what does a normal approach actually look like in practice?

[Abbycado]

Okay, let's start here. Are you in school? There is no one answer fits every situation about how to approach a girl. So, just trying to get an idea of what your situation is and where you are most likely to run into girls that you'd want to approach. That will at least give me a better answer to the best ways. Of course, they will be based on how I would like to be approached, but they will also be how most do.

[michael_veph]

I am currently in my last semester of university. In about 3 months from now i graduate and start my professional life. Currently I do not really go to classes since they aren't mandatory and i study better by myself. When it comes to my social life, i just hang out with my friends outside of school. Besides that the only place i kind of meet other people is at the bouldering gym (climbing inside). But i feel guilty to approach girls there with more intentions than to just have small talk. Like it feels like they are just enjoying their hobby and i'm trying to get something from them, like i'm like preying on them, I don't know. And for the rest, besides from my different friend groups and at the climbing gym, i just see girls outside on the street or at the bar when i go with friends for a drink.

[Abbycado]

We have a rock wall in our athletic center too! I love it. Okay, so yeah you are right. When I am at the gym, I am enjoying myself climbing or if doing something else focused on working out. You are right to think that isn't the best place, but you are wrong to label it "preying".

I can't go to the bars yet. I have a month until 21. I do know people that do and in a college town, that is a great option. Honestly, go with your group of friends and try to mingle with girls. The girls that I know that are of age and go, go in groups. Perfect dynamic.

@HollyK21 do you have anything to add given my lack of knowledge about the bar scene? Maybe this is where Holly can help out with suggestions.

[HollyK21]

Hi! I’m a bit late to the conversation lol but great feedback Abby. @asker, I definitely get where you’re coming from when you make mention of the obstacles you face, but here’s my perspective on your talking points. When it comes to opposite sex friendships, it’s hard for those to remain fully platonic from start to finish unless certain aspects are in place:

One or both are already in a relationship. They live too far apart and don’t wanna do the LDR thing. One or both are part of the LGB+ community. One or both doesn’t find the other person at least conventionally attractive. Outside of these cases, there’s no good reason not to fall for a friend, and vice versa. I mean why not? To become good friends, there’s already a level of effort in maintaining that connection established. You have things in common, enjoy each others company, the core elements of a thriving relationship are already there, without the romance. So it makes sense for one to take interest in another, and I wouldn’t call it stereotypical to see that.

When it comes to dating apps, I definitely see them as hit or miss, so if you’ve been repeatedly “missing” when you go that route, then yeah, it’s best to take a step back. Your best bet would seemingly be outings with your friends, as I think the whole gym approach route is more intimidating, and rightfully so. You never know if a woman wants to be approached in places like the gym, grocery store, bank, etc. At least at the bar you could have some liquid courage lol and honestly just try not to overthink it. Think of going up to her like you would a friend, that could take off some of the pressure and honestly I think it’s appropriate to treat an introduction with the same level of casualty.

[Anonymous]

Some might. But there's a simple way to handle that. Don't tell them about it. If they hint around, don't answer or change the subject. Just because a woman asks you question does not mean you're required to answer.

[Jeff51]

Your ok.