Girls, if shy guys are more loyal, why choose confident players?

[Anonymous]

Updates

4 mo

Shy doesn’t automatically mean loyal and confident doesn’t automatically mean a player.

But actions still show a pattern.

Shy guys get ruled out early, while the same confident types keep getting chances, so the outcomes repeat.

It’s not random, it’s the same choices leading to the same results.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

What makes you think shy guys are more loyal? They might be just too afraid to approach another woman, but that doesn't make them loyal.

Besides, in most cases, confidence is more attractive in a partner. Confidence also doesn't mean a cheater. There are lots of confident partners who never cheat. Confidence just means that they are more likely to be a better leader and partner for making joint decisions in a relationship. A shy guy will need to be led and that isn't exactly that attractive to a lot of people.

[HollyK21]

Shy guy does not always equate to good guy. In fact I’d say the shy guys are the ones who get away with the most, because their (seemingly) nice and shy demeanor automatically grants them benefit of the doubt.

[HollyK21]

So are you asking for our opinions or just looking for a platform to voice yours? You didn’t respond to anyone, just updated this question with a generalized dismissal of what we’re all saying to you.

[Asker]

I am responding, just not by repeating the same point back to each person individually.

Everyone said ‘shy doesn’t equal loyal,’ which I already agree with. That’s not the part I’m challenging.

The part none of you addressed is the pattern: shy guys get filtered out early, confident guys get more chances, and then the same outcomes get complained about later.

So it’s not dismissing your opinions, it’s pointing out the part your answers avoided.

[HollyK21]

Despite us all stating that shy doesn’t equal loyal, we each had something different to say about it that should’ve been more than an afterthought to address individually if you really wanted to have this discussion. For example, your ideology that the shy guys get filtered out early is very biased and likely based off your own grievances. In my opinion I specifically addressed the notion of why guys being ruled out early by stating my own belief, which is that they are more likely to receive benefit of the doubt, aka more chances.

Usually a shy guy has a different set of qualities than an “alpha”, outwardly confident male. We perceive them as less problematic because they pose themselves as being more loyal than the latter. They come off as more authentic, less threatening, and committal vs their opposite. They avoid the “player persona” which makes women see them as more trustworthy, genuine, respect, etc.

Now if you specifically consider yourself a shy dude and think that should send the women flocking, you should really reconsider what set of traits come with what you believe is an undervalued man.

[Sunshinelips]

Women like confidence in their men just like men like confidence in their women. Without it it feels like we’re always the one making the move, making the plans and it’s exhausting. Shy guys are not more loyal, but I personally can’t be dealing with their shy demeanour all the time.

[Asker]

If confidence was actually valued equally, shy women would be rejected the same way shy men are, but they aren’t.

Men are still expected to approach, lead, plan everything, and carry the interaction, while women can be shy and still be chosen.

So it’s not really about ‘liking confidence equally,’ it’s about expecting men to do all the effort and calling it a preference.

And saying shy men are exhausting, while also expecting them to take the lead, is the contradiction right there.

[Abbycado]

Who says they are more loyal simply because they are shy?

[Asker]

No one said shy automatically means loyal.
The point is simple: shy guys don’t get many options, confident guys do.

More options = more chances to cheat. Less options = less chance to act on it.

That’s the difference you ignored.

[Abbycado]

Here is what you ignored. You said “ if shy guys are more loyal”. You are saying that inherently they are. I am asking for proof, not some halfwit reply that ignores what YOU said to begin with.

[HollyK21]

This is a fair point Abby, and it’s also quite different than what I posted, negating this opinion of his that we all said the same thing which is why he didn’t reply to us individually in the first place.

[Asker]

You’re both dodging the actual point and hiding behind wording.

Abby, “if shy guys are more loyal” is not a claim, it’s a conditional. You’re acting like I said it as a fact so you can demand “proof” for something I didn’t even state that way. That’s not addressing the argument, that’s twisting it.

Holly, nothing was “negated.” You’re just pretending it changed so you don’t have to deal with it. The point never changed. It’s about opportunity, not personality.

It’s simple and obvious:

Confident guys have more options → more chances to cheat.
Shy guys have fewer options → fewer chances to cheat.

That directly affects real-world outcomes. You can argue wording all you want, but it doesn’t change that basic reality.

You’re both focusing on how it was said instead of what was said because it’s easier than actually disproving it.

[Nikki1989]

Being shy doesn't make them loyal.

[Asker]

Agreed, it doesn’t automatically make them loyal.

But if shy guys are filtered out early, then you’re only experiencing one type of man.

So the pattern you see is based on who you keep choosing, not all options.