Why do girls like "confident" guys?

Question

"basically girls say a guy is confident, if he's a d***k and doesn't care about them. why do y'all prefer these guys as opposed to nice shy guys who genuinely care about you?

HenryK · Accepted Answer

I'd like to answer this as simply and on topic as possible, since I feel that is what you were looking for.

Like stated before, woman PREFER guys with confidence on a subconscious level. This does not mean that the confident guy is an ass hole, or doesn't care. It doesn't mean he goes out to parties all the time. Have you ever watched the movie, "Thomas Crown Affair"?

If not, you should watch it. It's about a quiet, successful art thief, who falls in love with a girl trying to put him in jail.

It will show you a great deal that "confidence" comes in many forms, shapes, and sizes.

I think its stereotypically true that many assholes are confident. It's not that all confident men are like this. You need to think deeper than that!

The quiet, successful, and confident men are HIDDEN. They are like a diamond in the ruff.

It''s very difficult to find this man, because he isn't the one yelling on the street when he's drunk. A man like this is a rare opportunity, and if you seize it, you need to hold onto it. However, a girl may never even get the opportunity unless she looks, which many girls don't properly do.

So, because this incredible, caring, loving man is so hard to find, who's the easy one?

Lets go back to that drunk guy yelling on the street with his friends, acting retarded. It's goofy, and some might even find it really funny or cute! A girl will laugh at him, and instantly get attracted to him. Will bypass any future thoughts or give a benefit of a doubt.

Confident guys like these are everywhere. They are so easy to find, and so easy to lose.

Girls will stick to these men the most. The men you meet at a club, at a party, or at the bar. I'm not going to generalize these men, because not all are dishonest. Many of them aren't loyal, or only temporarily loyal, but for all you know, there are those guys in there group of friends whos just hanging out with his buddies, and wishing he has someone he wants to spend his days with.

To switch the subject a little, a girl will often stay with a guy she once thought was loyal to her, ONLY because she's either afraid of having no one, or beleives she can some day change him.

Its exactly like the fool who falls for a girl that only wants to be friends with him, and stays with her, getting his heartbroken every day in hopes that one day she will see how much he truly cares and finally decides to be with him.

I will say that your question is an extreme case of stereotype, on BOTH sides!

Marriages don't last much lately. Everyone is just trying to double dip life and try many flavors.

There are a lot less guys who want to find love, and be with just one girl.

There are also even more woman that are exactly the same way.

Point is, let the girl choose who she wants. Let them get screwed over until they finally realize and find the right one. After all, we need to fall in order to learn how to get back up, and you're only as dumb as the person you choose to spend your life with.

Peace

bobair · Accepted Answer

Your confused between nice guys, good guys, and confident assholes.

The assholes attract women at first simply because they're not needy, pushy, desperate, or awkward. So when these guys escalate many women will follow along.

But nice guys do the opposite. They're insecure, and needy, and desperate, and ultimately they don't take the type of action that women respond to. Instead of inviting girls into their world, they ask to be invited into the girl's world. Women don't want to drive the bus, they want to ride the bus. ;)

But the happy middle ground is the "Good Guy" who's got strong opinions of his own, who has his own style, expectations, and boundaries. And when he meets a girl who's willing to go talk to her, he's willing to take her by the hand and pull her into a fun conversation, experience, or adventure. While, at the same time, he's open to being sincere, honest, and vulnerable - and when times get tough he's willing to do the right things - he's a good guy.

It's easy to label some good guys as d***s simply because he seems to not care about the woman he's with - but there's a huge difference between not caring about her and not fawning all over her in a desperate act of needing her approval (which nice guys do.)

Be good, but don't worry about being nice.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

singleandconfused · Accepted Answer

1. Confidence is knowing who you are, accepting who you are, being comfortable with who you are and owning it! It also means being open to change if you feel needed.

2. People who are not confident are unattractive because if you they don't like who they are, why would another person even bother? I think the most confident people don't worry about whether people will like them or not. They just are who they are, and they rest falls into place naturally.

3. People who allow themselves to be treated badly do not like themselves as much as they should. They think they are showing the other person how much they love them by taking the abuse, but it is counterproductive because it just makes them unattractive. It gives the vibe that they don't respect or love themselves. It is very hard to love a person who doesn't love themselves.

4. Shy guys don't always let it be known that they care. Some shy guys have low self esteem. (see problem with self esteem in #2)

5. Girls need to be assured that a man will provide, love and protect. Guys need to know a woman will be faithful and supportive. If you can't do that it doesn't matter how much you care if you can't handle business or keep the other interested. I care about a lot of things...but caring about the environment and actually doing proactive things to make sure that the planet I supposedly care about stays happy and healthy are two different things.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

1. all confident people are not d***s.

2. all shy socially awkward guys are not sweet

3. if a guy's personality is awkward or unattractive the girl won't have any incentive to want to get to know him romantically anyway so #2 almost doesn't matter.

4. outgoing does not always equal confident. quiet does not always equal insecure. most people who are secure are not afraid to talk to peopel though

stop calling guys who are confident and have social skills with the opposite sex names and get like them. learn to be confident within yourself and you can be preferred by girls too. sitting around feeling sorry for yourself calling yourself a "nice shy sweet" guy is not going to change the way things are. work on improving yourself first before you hate on guys who can actually get girls.

stop acting like your so superior to other guys who aren't afraid of girls. you and all the rest of these guys on here are all the same. "oh those assholes who have social skills aren't arent afraid to talk to women are all jerks who just want sex! but not meeee I'm a niiice guy just because I'm socially awkward and afraid of women so what you should date me instead" like wtf be realistic. work on you before you try to get with someone else.

missterie · Accepted Answer

Nah,big difference between confidence and arrogance.

What you a describing is ARROGANCE. A lot of people can't tell the difference. Especially the young. Men and women alike.

Learning to tell the difference takes time, age , and experience.

Usually after divorce,lol.

But that's it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Ya,these guys are getting the girl,and blowing it., and the girls are signing up for more. Hells of their own making.

As for you,well,find that girl who knows the difference. These girls are not for you. They didn't know what was in front of them.

I will say this. You're sounding angry.

Women pick up on that. They don't like it. And they know it's there under all the niceness in the world.

If you appoach a woman,thinking,what's the point,she's only going to leave me for an arrogant d***,well,why bother stopping off at you at all?

Develop some REAL confidence. Walk into a room,think,everyone here wants to talk to ME.

When you are getting along with a womahn,well,of course she wants to be with me.

I suggest you watch "she's out of my league",it's a comedy,but it makes some good points.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are attracted to looks and women are attracted to status. A man who's confident with women likely gets more women- this makes him a high-status male, and in turn, makes him even more attractive to women.

If a guy is interested in a woman and cares about her, she's already got him wrapped around her finger. There's no longer any excitement, tension, or chase, so she won't even see him as a potential mate because he's no longer exciting to her. If she has to work for and chase a guy, then it's more exciting, and it's more rewarding if she gets him.

The shy guy is not seen as powerful. Even if she was interested in him, having a "weak" guy is still frowned upon, and most women will completely avoid anything that risks being socially ostracized.

Shy guys don't ooze sex appeal, so she's not interested. Doesn't matter how nice/good/kind he is- if he doesn't make her panties moist every time she sees him, she's not interested. You CAN be nice/good/kind and still get women so long as you're really attractive, though.

Guys who are confident as f*** are usually that way because they're good-looking or successful, so that makes him a higher-value male. Ugly guys who are confident aren't given a second glance- they're usually insulted as being try-hards, creepers, or perverted freaks.

Despite how much women claim to hate cockiness in a guy, most would much rather have too much confidence than not enough.

At a younger age, most girls don't care about finding a guy who cares about them, much in the same way most guys at your age aren't looking for a girl to settle down with. They want to be top of the social ladder, and being with nice guys is not the way to go about that.

Pretty much any woman would love to keep around the nice guy as long as he continues to give her attention and compliments. This is what's known as the "friend zone".

Xenoid19 · Answer

I have to tell you, I disagree with your assessment of what confidence is. Confidence is a man's ability to believe in himself. The problem is that Confidence can often be misconstrued with Arrogance. These are two different things. I am a very confident person, but I have not always been like this. When I was 15-16 in high school, I was a nice shy guy.. lets see where that got me... no where. Then after years of reevaluation, working out, and dating dating dating, I have become a confident, in shape, intelligent man.

Don't misinterpret confidence for arrogance, otherwise you will never find the guy that you are looking for. Woman like security, they want to feel comfortable around a mate, and want to know that when Shit hits the fan, their man will be there to support them. An arrogant man thinks about himself and how he can always better things in his life, while a confident man will do whatever it takes to better the lives of himself and his partner. Knowing the difference can often be difficult, but once you realize that a guy is doing things for you, rather than for him, you will see

underdog10 · Answer

The real "bad boy" that girls are immediately drawn to are Spontaneous, unpredictable, rebellious, mysterious, and are ironically more sensitive then the shy nice guys. And so women try to get to that center because its a real chore to get to. Look at James Dean, he was the absolute most sensitive person like ever of that time ha. But people still saw him as a "rebel" or "bad boy" Those are the bad boys women drool over. Not like assholes, jerks, or pricks. So having those traits make women gravitate to you. But its either you got it or you don't. Look at the movie "the thing called love" with River Phoenix. The main girl went on a date with River's character they kissed and hooked up and then ignored her and kind of was distant, so she started spending time with the "nice sweet guy" but then out of nowhere River's character had her come up on stage and sing with him. And that unpredictability made her fall for River's character all over again. And dump the nice guy. And throughout the movie River's character's behavior was constantly unpredictable and that gives women a thrill. I mean it got so unpredictable River's character proposed to her in a gas station with a ring from one of those quarter machines. See he was constantly spontaneous and unpredictable and she loved the thrill of not know what's going to happen tomorrow. That's what women want. But like I said there is no training in this or becoming like this. Its either you got it or you don't.

Marshall33 · Answer

What you call confident guys, I suspect, are really just boys that do not care what a particular woman thinks of him as he is not committing himself emotionally in anyway and just looking for new experiences and fun so aiming to behave accordingly. This desire for fun and excitement attracts women who think that life is improved being aound them as they will be fun and exciting too being with them and if they can do it long enough the guy might even like them for real and that would be perfect as the bad boy and the good guy would be one person. That is false !

Focus on good guys that know how to have fun and not so called confident guys who seek to have fun and are not good because they do not care what women think.

Shy guys are boring gnerally. Nice guys can be fun. Fun, confident guys are generally not nice ever in the end. Keep thahat in mind and you will see for yourself how many bad guys are needed to finally realize good guys are better. It is a right of passage for some girls. That is all.

thatoneguy5001 · Answer

Not quite the same thing, although confidence and d***ery often go hand in hand.  Confidence is a personality trait that also serves, when noticed, as an instinctive marker of a person who often wins the battles they get into.  This is usually true for assclowns, because they're not above using underhanded tactics.  This instinctive understanding, that the confident person usually wins their fights, is attractive, on a very deep subconscious level, because A) if someone is winning their fights, they're more than likely a healthy person with good genes to pass on to offspring, and B) If they generally win their fights, the liklihood of them being able (not willing, but ABLE) to protect and nurture said offspring is higher.  In short, the attraction to confidence in women is an instinct for the protection and well being of any children she might have.

Mande1985 · Answer

First off... you have confident in quotations. Confidence doesn't need to be confused with cockiness or being a d-bag. Girls like guys who have confidence with themselves. I have a lot of confidence in myself and don't want a guy who doesn't (which usually means he is hard on himself and doesn't love himself). Having confidence has nothing to with being shy or not. Just because you don't talk to a lot of people and aren't as social doesn't mean you are not confident. So don't lump people who have "confidence" with being a d***.

You could've asked, "why do girls go for guys who are d-bags and treat them badly"... and my answer to that question is IDK. I guess it has to do with the bad boy stereotype girls go after. But not all girls do.

999freakshow · Answer

We don't like d***heads, or being treated badly we just (or at least me) think that the soft sentimental stuff are the girls part not the guy's. The guy shouldn't say that he cares and so on he should show it with actions not express it in words (unless it's a special occasion or has to apologize for sth). Man and women are hunters. When one admits his or her feelings in a loving romantic way the other one feels like he she's won and the thrill will easily pass. While if you're both hunting each other trying to win each other and the other one won't admit it, you get excited, you do more things to earn it, you want him or her more and more. the struggle gives birth to a passionate relationship. If you're lucky and good enough of course. At least I prefer it that way.

natemcool · Answer

OK it may seem girls like d***s (thats true to some extent) but lets say there's this girl that really likes you but she says the most awkward things around you she barely talks and is afraid to approach you, may sound cute but in reality after being in that situation its just awkward and not fun. same goes both ways. you can be nice to a girl and be confident and have her like you a lot but the reason why girls like d***s more is after dating them (d***s are always confident) the d*** says sh*t to the girl making her unsecure whether or not her boyfriend actually likes her unconsciously making her like him more.

Nitalicious · Answer

confidence is attractive its the same way with guys. for example, this girl is not very pretty but she's the most confident person in the class. All the guys go for her and they don't know why they find her so attractive when she's not, its confidence. Same goes for girls. The  shy ones usually don't talk much and so we don't get to see that genuine side, however, the confident guy comes along and gets our attention because he is not afraid to be himself, talks to us, and a lot of the time know s how to make a girl feel special.

YobootyStank · Answer

well I like confident guys because

they don't put themselves down and think postive about themselves. guys who lack confidence are usually really shy and have really low self esteem. It gets really annoying when you compliment a guy who lacks confidence and he is always like "no I'm not" blah blah blah or "girls don't like me because I'm ugly" its a turn off and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that and have to constantly hear them think so bad about themselves. you surround yourself with happy people your probably going to be in a happy mood or surround yourself with sad people all the time your probably gonna be in not so great mood ya know? but someone who is overly confident is a turn off but there's a huge difference between confident and cocky.

Anonymous · Answer

Not all girls like guys that are d***ks but the majority do, I guess. Most girls actually prefer the nice, shy guys (I do!) but it seems like they don't because 9 times out of 10 you see them going out with jerks, only because those guys had the confidence to approach the girl and ask her out. I'm pretty sure that if there was a genuinely nice guy who had the confidence to show he liked a girl and asked her out, she'd take him over the jerk, any day :D Sometimes, the nice guys are hardly ever chosen because us girls don't actually know them, i.e. we've never spoken to them because they haven't initiated the first conversation and some girls lack the confidence to go over and talk to the nice, shy guys because most of the time they're pretty good looking :D

wishyouwerehere · Answer

I'm going to turn this question around. I am extremely confident in myself, but I'm not the slightest bit conceited or arrogant. I'm a genuine person who cares about other people.

You seem to have a misunderstanding about the true meaning of the term "confidence." This does not necessarily equal cockiness. Many people use cockiness as a shield for their insecurities. That typical loud, obnoxious guy you're describing is most likely insecure and feels the need to compensate by APPEARING confident when really he's not. A truly confident person does not feel the need to impress other people. Therefore, the two are completely different.

I would never date a guy who is cocky, because it shows that he tries too hard and wants to seem superior when really he isn't.

danndan6 · Answer

this is the simplest way I can answer your point.

girls like confidence and girls like kindness

Confident + Kind = always gets the girl

Girls don't like unconfidence and girls don't like jerkiness

Unconfident + Jerk = never gets the girl

If a guy is a jerk but has the confidence to ask a girl out and provide some confidence related qualities... confidence + jerk = sometimes gets the girl

now here is where it gets tricky. girls really want the kind guy above the jerk, but if the kind guy doesn't have the confidence to ask a girl out, he's rarely going to get the girl unless she practically falls in his lap...unconfident + kind = rarely gets the girl

JKLivinLily · Answer

i think you're talking about conceited cockiness, not confidence.

i guess it's just all how you work it.

you can be genuine and care about someone and still be confident.

a lot of girls don't like waiting for a shy guy to finally put his foot in the door and still have to wait for him to walk all the way through.

feistygirl · Answer

There's a difference between confident and cocky. The guys who are the d***s are cocky. That's not what girls like. Girls want someone who is sure of themselves and someone who isn't constantly second guessing himself or putting himself down. You have to love and appreciate yourself before someone else. Personally I also like the shy guy who cares about the girl. I don't mind if he's shy, he's just got to have a certain level of confidence. I shouldn't have to feed his ego 24/7.

Mesonfielde · Answer

Oh gawd, subconscious attraction based on DNA, alphamales, animals and cavemen. There we go again... I do not understand why people don't just start to think and realize that confidence is the ability to provide a positive image about yourself. That's basically it. And of course girls prefer a guy who seems to be good at whatever he is than someone who whines about his own incapabilities.

cavmanier · Answer

Women don't want the guy your describing unless she has daddy issues or is afraid of closeness. Women want confidence but also someone that's nice to them. At your age a lot of the hot girls have mental issues that aren't worth dealing with you will find out.

Brittastic · Answer

ok there is a huge difference between confident and being arrogant,self centered or vain.

Well I rather a guy be confident because it shows he has a healthy self veiw and maybe some of the confidence he has in himself he could have in me.

Arrgonce is something that most guys have especially the ones who are told by females that they are the greatest thing on this planet and they have constantly been successful and lucky most of their life so they think they just must be the sh*t

blueandwhite · Answer

It's because they let their instincts overrule their logic. Women are naturally attracted to confidence, but if the guy is a jerk, then it's irrational to want him. This is where women's emotions and instincts defy them acting rational.

I've heard everywhere that being confident and nice aren't mutually exclusive, but because of women, they basically are for the most part. This is because girls have essentially said that if a guy is confident, he can get away with being a jerk. Girls will deny this with their words, but I just watch their actions and see them constantly make this mistake. Since girls tell guys this through their actions, confident guys find no reason to treat girls right because they know they can get away with being a jerk.

Yes girls, I know guys make this same mistake. Guys who let beautiful girls get away with being complete b****** just because she's a babe. Another case of people allowing their instincts to make them make dumb choices.

Anonymous · Answer

I like a guy who cares about me. I have not seen that characteristic as being something only shy guys have. I have had mainly confident boyfriends and husband, and they cared about me and they were not jerks. I did have a few boyfriends who had confidence issues. One physically abused me and the other 2 were struggling with their lives and careers due to their confidence issues. I see no charm in that.

I want to date someone who has worked through their issues so that they are reasonably confident (we all have our days or times where things are not working for us) and able to achieve their goals and make things happen. That is who I am, so I really cannot be happy with someone who is anything less than that.

Why do girls like "confident" guys?

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