Why would a guy say he cares deeply, then suddenly reject a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I was recently seeing someone, told me I made him feel more cared about, more cared for, and made him feel more amazing than anyone has made him feel in such a long time. We are long distance and were talking about adding things to our list of what to do on our next visit, then all of a sudden he changes his attitude in the same messages where he is calling me by his pet names. And says he doesn't want a relationship, but he cares about me deeply, he doesn't want to lose me, and doesn't know what tomorrow or the future holds and never know what is around the corner. It just doesn't make sense at all. Help me understand as it's driving me stir crazy!!

[HollyK21]

Simply put: he wants girlfriend treatment on a “just friends” budget. You could get all wooed and starry-eyed over how romantically he tells you something, but the message is clear and he’s said it himself — he doesn't want a relationship. He just doesn’t wanna lose the benefits of emotionally and physically having a woman, because companionship at any capacity becomes harder to find as you get older.


The confusion only exists for you right now because you are putting waaay too much emphasis on his conversation. He says the right things, makes you feel special and secure, but in my opinion that all comes with narcissism and manipulation. Saying “he cares about me deeply, he doesn't want to lose me, and doesn't know what tomorrow or the future holds and never know what is around the corner” only instills you with a false sense of hope and a fake silver lining. 36-45, if he’s in that age range as well then he’s been around the block, knows how to deal with women and knows how to get what he wants without looking like a total jackass. Don’t fall for it anymore.


You are a very grown woman who I’m sure has experienced some sort of heartbreak, disappointment or otherwise from a man at some point in your life, and in essence you should know better than to keep falling down this hole. If you would like to have a relationship one day, then you should at the very least be with someone who wants to work towards one. Anything else is a waste of time.

[WhitneySnow]

He doesn’t want a committed relationship but he cares about you deeply.

This could be as simple as he wants to fuck other women too, or he could have deep seated fears about commitment.

Friendzone him and see what he does.

[Anonymous]

Well if you hadn't said this was long distance i would have said, He was either full of 💩 from the beginning, and you bought it, hook, line and sinker. Or he was completely honest and he got a whiff of something truly concerning about you. But the fact that this is long distance changes EVERYTHING. Most people who do LDR only want to play the part of relationship. Most do not actually want one. Regardless of what they may say. So he was likely never interested. But assuming he was, odds are he's recently got a better offer. And so you get put on the back burner while he sees how that works out. But as I said, odds are he was never interested.

You can do what you like but I'd be looking elsewhere.

[Jersey2]

He wants to get into your pants. Women are emotional so he feeds that to get the zipper down. You are long distance so he is keeping his options open.

[MissSunshine2]

All you need to know is that he won’t commit to you. Time to honour that and walk away permanently if he won’t give you what you need.

[Abbycado]

He can care deeply of you as a friend.

[Asker]

He told me really does really like me as mote than friends and cares deeply for me in more than a friendship way. He has said he would never rule anything out between us. But still walks away.