How do I stop fearing I’ll meet someone better and just commit?

[sophia2007]

I’m an 18-year-old female. I’ve never been in a relationship, never kissed anyone, and never gotten physical. But it’s fair to say I get a lot of attention from men, and I’ve had a few solid talking stages.

I’ve been talking to a guy lately, and he treats me really well. He’s objectively above average in looks, and we have good chemistry. We’re pretty close to getting into a relationship. I just have this feeling that if I get with him, I’ll miss out on meeting someone who would treat me just as well but might be a bit more attractive. I do find him attractive, but I’ve talked to guys before who were objectively better looking, and most of them didn’t feel very genuine or serious.

I feel really bad for thinking this way, and I know it’s kind of a red flag on my side. I just can’t seem to stop thinking like this. Does it have something to do with the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship? Or maybe that he’s both affectionate and sometimes makes playful comments, which is probably normal, but I’m more used to things feeling less genuine, so this feels unfamiliar to me?

Also, I’d say I’m pretty accomplished in college, and I do modeling and marketing as well. A lot of the time, men offer favors just because they find you attractive and you’re single. I know I wouldn’t cheat or anything, but how might that affect my professional career?

Again, I know this isn’t the best mindset, and I just need some guidance. Thank you :)

[Anonymous]

I’d say yes it’s partially due to your inexperience of an actual relationship. Because right now you haven’t the slightest clue of what good really means in a relationship. You’re already sabotaging something that hasn’t even happened yet, so chances are you will find a way to ruin it. This isn’t something that can be reversed. Meaning even if you two dated, then you found out later he wasn’t as good to you as you thought he was, you can always get out of the relationship. It’s not like you’re getting married which is much harder to get out of. I think too that because you get. A good amount of attention, like a lot of women it’s gone to your head. In the past most of us would be restricted to the men or women of our little town, our area of the city. But nowadays w social media it’s easy for some fool across the pond to say what’s up. To flirt w you. So you’re getting a lot more attention than women did in the past because of social media. I think social media has done women a great disservice. That “what if there’s better” mentality is what kills a lot of good relationships. Rather than focusing on your relationship trying to make it the best you can, you’re heads always going to be on a swivel looking for better. Before you know it you’re going to be almost 30 still looking for better even though that door has almost closed completely. If he’s consistent, respectful, and genuine than that’ll be looks almost everyday especially long into the future. Right now your outlook on dating is immature, but that’s do to lack of experience.

[sophia2007]

Thank you I really appreciate it!

[In_Trance]

I think everything you wrote speaks to your lack of experience loudly and clearly.
Go out and start dating. The last thing you need to worry about before you even start is commitment

[sophia2007]

Thank you! I probably overthink things a lot due to the fact that I date to marry but I also need to date to know the person more you know (kinda scared of having an ex lol)

[In_Trance]

All part of the process. Go out and have fun.
Good luck!

[CriminallyInsane]

I was shallow in high school and only dated for looks and I ended up with two idiot jocks. They were nice enough guys but dumb. I met a guy in college who made me laugh and was super smart and was decent looking but could've been 15-20 lbs overweight. I could have found a better looking one but I dated him for his personality, not his looks and it was infinitely better than dating a guy just for his looks. Maybe you need the experience to learn that lesson but I'd try to learn it now and if you're happy with him, you'll learn how much more important that is than looks. You'll learn you want the serious and genuine, but not quite as attractive guy if you want to be happy. If you want to find the best looking one for your so-called modeling career, then just date for looks and your career can be more imporant than being happy.

[sophia2007]

Thank you! This was super helpful

[Tereza07]

This is really hard to answer.

On one side why not date him? If it won't work well you can always end it and try to find someone better.

On the other side, when i dated guys i just felt that I want it. It seems like you dont feel it that way which is not a good sight for a beginning of relatioship. Or maybe you do feel it, and just overthink it a lot right now.

[sophia2007]

Thank you! I am starting to catch more feelings for him (I just feel like I want to give him all the love he didn’t get before) but I am kind of scared either of us will hurt the other

[Zionne]

It’s normal to feel anxious about missing out, especially if you haven’t been in a relationship before. Try focusing on how he makes you feel and whether the connection feels genuine, rather than comparing him to hypothetical “better” options. Give yourself permission to commit and experience the relationship... you can’t know what works until you try.

[sophia2007]

Thank you

[jahaims]

You have issues to work through if you are always looking at what ifs

[sophia2007]

Appreciate it

[LoveGuy242]

if you talked more attractive guys before then why you didn't date them?

[sophia2007]

Because they wanted to have sex so quickly and I did not. It just seemed like it was their main motive. Also they all were very boring people who don’t really have a personality

[Anonymous]

How does he look? What’s your ideal guy looks wise and why does he not fit into it?

[Jeff51]

Take your time to know someone. Go slow.

[sophia2007]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

You probably can't. You might just be a GREENER.