Are relationship standards actually attractive or a red flag?

[Summeroflove]

There’s the extreme of superficial and unrealistic standards as well as double standards having standards for someone else they don’t hold themselves to.

At the same time when someone has real standards if she then chooses to be with me. I know she genuinely wants me….. Not because she’s just desperate for a relationship or the best she could find at the time. But because she really wants to build a connection and a bond.

I don’t think wanting someone who has standards is a bad thing. If someone lacks standards or self respect the chances of being cheated on are higher.

[Anonymous]

Lol 😂 some red flags are definitely desirable.
I never understood, the craziest part, the worst possible guy who is just using women is most desirable.
The one who breaks hearts is the most wanted by women.
Just I have seen like 4 cases of it.
+ As a spectator I have seen women are more interested in looks, then actual compatibility.
Men are the same but men has to work more hard to make a difference when it comes to looks and body structure.
And these standard are the one making it worse.
Even my own standards are fucked up but I don't enforce them.

[LC75LC71]

Why have standards if they just align with the status quo? Relationships are about attractions to someone's individuality and willingness to compromise.

[Summeroflove]

Why is someone compromising? That’s the million dollar question. Is it because you genuinely love the person or you’re settling? Major difference.

[Summeroflove]

Individuality is the key. If you’re in love with someone’s job title or net worth….. it can change. Someone’s beauty or handsomeness changes

[LC75LC71]

The former is preferable, granted as some get older..

[MontBlanc]

Standards themselves aren’t a red flag, they’re actually attractive.

They show you know your worth and what you need.

The problem isn’t having standards, it’s when they become controlling or unrealistic.

Healthy standards are clear, fair, and balanced , you’re not just expecting things, you’re also willing to show up the same way.

[Summeroflove]

Exactly. Two extremes

[Summeroflove]

Both of those extremes are red flags and probably not genuine attraction

[Anonymous]

I want someone with standards, i want to know im special to him, not just a set of warm holes

[Summeroflove]

Uh yeah….. I’m with you. I’m the same way….. I want someone to genuinely want me. Not just im the best they could find at the time or are desperate for anyone

[Summeroflove]

There’s definitely an extreme or being superficial as well. But

[Opinion Owner]

My standards aren't ridiculous... my current partner has SOME college, has a job (owns their own small business) that pays enough that they pay their half of things, are emotionally stable (usually), and align with me politically (not a bigot), and no criminal background.

[Summeroflove]

It’s only ridiculous if you don’t have any schooling are completely financially irresponsible and want a man whose making a million dollars and has a PHD….. and one would be surprised how ridiculous some can be

But no that isn’t ridiculous as long as you’re building a deeper bond with him and that’s not the only thing you see. Such as…. If something was to happen and he lost his business completely out of his control. Would you leave him? Would that make him lesser of a person.

Or maybe he sells it some day and does something different.

[Summeroflove]

That’s the question. Is someone with someone for those reasons? If the answer is NO. That isn’t bad.

And I like the usually part. Everyone’s human. The issue is people who intentionally act out and just completely feel that it’s okey to act like that. But we do leave room for someone just being a human since nobody’s perfect.

Again unreasonable would be. You cannot control your emotions you’re emotionally and verbally abusive and cannot communicate like an adult to save your life. But expect him to have it all together.

[Opinion Owner]

If he no longer owned h8s business I wouldn't care as long as he did what he needed to do to be financially solvent on his own (I have the same standard for myself, and I currently bring home slightly more than him)... idc if that means he sold it & got enough to live on ot do something with or get another job... and i mean a "big boy job" not like my besties ex did while she couldn't work after her c section where he worked fot Arby's 3 days and quit.

[CherryLove007]

Not a red flag one bit... however its getting tired all the men doing mental gymnastics. If your just going to dog in and dog out then leave us straight women alone. It takes courage to date now.

People can't pick suitable partners when they are lying and deceiving at the jump.

[Summeroflove]

Well that’s the issue as well people fall for bad people in some cases because they want a toxic relationship but other times bad people have mastered the art of pretending to be whoever they think someone wants
Them to be.

Until later on when they can’t keep the act up anymore.

[Summeroflove]

But it takes courage from both sides. I’ve seen many cowardly men and women…… many women do mental gymnastics as well. It’s not a sex issue. Men and women can act poorly and some don’t.

[Summeroflove]

But I know. It’s fun to attack the opposite sex and blame men or women who never did anything to you people for things other people did

[CherryLove007]

@summeroflove of course, I am speaking on my end of this. However men have more rage happening in them and do not have the courage to go see a therapist to talk to. Men have issues talking it out and that is the Gods honest truth.

[CherryLove007]

unless pushed into therapy then the 99% just are too lazy to want the personal improvement.

[Summeroflove]

Well you can’t force someone to change…: and why would you? I just say let those people be miserable alone.

But there are plenty of resentful and rage filled women. Just a lot of men don’t report abuse

[Summeroflove]

Whatever. I’d someone doesn’t want help they can be miserable or commit a crime and go to jail. Not my issue

[CherryLove007]

of course people are wicked. But they don't need a partner ever but they still think it is ok to find one. If men cannot report that then society is going to keep staying upside down and inside out. lol

[Summeroflove]

Wicked people just need supply. Anyone they can use and suck dry

[Kelley1]

People have standards because they want the best they can have. Most young women have unrealistic standards because they want the best that they can fuck and reject guys who would marry them. Men don't have that problem because if they can fuck a girl, they can marry her.

[LiamJHayden]

Some standards are good. Absurd ones are huge red flags.

[Summeroflove]

A million percent

[Summeroflove]

But I think it’s a red flag to not have any

[NathanDavis]

if you need a printed, have a studied list... of standards and red flags

there's usually a reason why... lol

never a good reason though

[TsundereMatrix]

No standards is a red flag for me.

[Summeroflove]

As it should be. There is two extremes it’s a red flag to be unrealistic and/or entitled. But ifs also a red flag to not have any standards.

Speaking for myself and I assume you will agree. I want to know someone genuinely wants me and I’m not just their only choice or they’re picking me just to have someone. That’s not genuine

[TsundereMatrix]

Oh yeah 100%! I was referring to someone who will want anyone that will want them no matter their intentions.

[Danael31]

None. It's actually normal. Just don't put too much pressure.

[beefcakebradybatson]

The sensible middle between unrealistically high standards and nearly none.

[alice55]

Dépend on the standard and expectation

[Anonymous]

Depends on what kind of standards.