As we hit our thirties, does physical attraction matter less in dating?

Question

I’ve found this to be true in my thirties, both of myself and of the men I’ve attracted. I am attractive, but I am too fat now to be truly beautiful and I’m starting to age a bit more in the face. Although I still look younger than my age; I’m told, but I’m still attracting men around my own age and younger.

my point being that I’m pretty, smart and fun, but I’m far from being the prettiest, smartest or most interesting woman to be around, but this becomes considerably less important to people as you get older. Isn’t it true for everyone?

Levin · Accepted Answer

As we mature no doubt our priorities change.

But I think we should also make the best with what we have, control what we can control and try and remain healthy and attractive for our partners.

I would need to be with someone with the same mentality who tries to stay in shape.

I strength train 4 hours per week for 2 hours per time, and honestly, I love it.

Being in shape is not about being attractive, although it's a nice bonus. It's how we feel in ourselves, that we're not just giving him, that our bodies are still healthful and capable. Working out also is great for mental health. It gives structure. It releases those endorphins and gets us out of our heads.

Zally · Accepted Answer

I have a plus sized girlfriend, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I still look at very pretty women, smart or funny. And a part of me wants them. Some women who are pretty, smart or funny. I am not interested in. Its kind of like, why buy an ugly car? No one wants that. I assure you most men on the planet will see a mint condition worked skyline r34 and at least peak at it. Its appart of our biological make up as a creature.

When you get abit older you realise that its better for you to drive a fuel saving, well spaced car with safty features. Does not mean we dont like seeing a skyline

HawkPerception · Answer

Not for me. I always try to stay in shape and I really value aesthetic and effort put into appearance. I don't want a girl who's physically lazy. It tells me she doesn't really care about whether I find her attractive or not, and she doesn't care for her health or desire an active lifestyle. That's not something I resonate with.

I want a slim and fit girl who likes to dress nicely (ideally in dresses often) and cares about her appearance. I don't care for makeup. Just that she cares for her fitness and the way she dresses and does her hair.

The amount of girls like that are in a very small percentage these days sadly.

Rei13 · Answer

I think it does but you should still try to look like the best version of yourself that you can. Even if you gained you can still dress in clothes that flatter you etc.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s mattering just as much to me, if not more. If women are truly serious about what they say, they want a committed and hardworking man, I’ve worked my whole adult life to get here, where I am right now. And I’ve never been a guy to play with someone’s emotions, so I’m not going to just date someone that I don’t find good looking.

Not saying she has to be a super model, I’m definitely not… I have to forego a lot of nights in the gym to get work done these days, but I’m not someone that lets myself go either. I maintain a healthier look and appearance.

And there’s one thing that plays on my mind too. I don’t want to feel like I missed out on an attractive woman. I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve had a somewhat turbulent string of years and I’ve not always felt great about myself, taking my own path in life, but it’s starting to pay off. I just don’t want to feel like I never got to enjoy a youthful partner and I strive to feel as young as I can, even as I get older and closer to my 40’s and onward.

These women have to want to accept the kind of man they are asking for though. I firmly believe that, because they always seem to think it’s going to come in the rich supermodel-type package of a man, and I say good luck with that (as someone that already gets called handsome from time to time). There has to be some give and take. Few women these days seem to understand that.

Master_Debator · Answer

Depends on what you can get. When I was young, I was skinny... took fairly average chicks but would make exceptions. Then when I was fat... I was taking what I could, and they were not so hawt and then one time a chick as fat as me rejected me and...

that led to me hitting the weights and then I was muscular with six pack and really driven. I started rejecting chicks I would've fucked a few years ago. I only have so much time to waste so I reserve it for some super hawt pussy that the young me used to jerk offf to and dream about. It all changes with what you can get.

To put my opinion in another way... dudes that can't get better, start to justify less than the best.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I think that as people get older, they are unable to attract the hotties that they once had. Thats why you see women in their 30s dating men who are losing their hair in their 40s. Its not that they no longer find youth attractive, its just that attractive young men have plenty of options to pick from and they don't need to settle.

Something you need to realize is that dating is for the young. This is when your value is the highest... Both men and women lose value as they age. I know, it sounds majorly offensive and I might get killed for saying this but its true. Physical attraction will always play a role in the mating process.

Nobody would ever mind someone for being young, but everyone would have a problem with someone being too old.

Jammannn · Answer

I think a lot of things change as we grow up for instance

Prettiest” becomes less about raw physical perfection and more about presence, style, warmth, and how someone carries themselves.
“Smartest” shifts from abstract intelligence to emotional intelligence and life competence.
“Interesting” becomes less about novelty and more about depth and how someone fits into your life.

At the same time, I do think people become more realistic. When you’re younger, it’s easy to feel like anything is possible and that you could end up with someone exceptional in every category. For instance

China has banned dramas where rich CEOs and billionaires fall in love with poor girls. They said such dramas were ruining the minds of girls and making them expect a rich man.

So I don’t think it’s that people lower their standards so much as they refine them. You stop looking for the absolute “best” in a vacuum, and start looking for what actually exists.

Anonymous · Answer

Unfortunately, for the majority of men looks will matter until the day they die. I've been on the dating apps long enough to know that this is true. A lot of men are shallow creatures that want someone fit or at the very least average. There's nothing wrong with having preferences, but a lot of men need to be realistic and realize that our bodies are going to change with various factors like children, work, menopause, etc as we age. There should be some grace as women often give men grace as they age.

Brokenheartedx · Answer

No it still matters. As we age we become careless with our health, I eat healthy I exercise I look after myself why would i want a pre diabetic male who gorges on food and alcohol and doesn't take care of himself and I assume men are like that too with women.

We want partners that we are compatible with not complete oppisites.

Tiffany_Taylor_Made · Answer

At my current age of 35, I guarantee that physical attraction still matters significantly. I am aging gracefully, exercise daily, and people still tell me that I look young for my age. As a result, I expect the same from any potential partner. I am currently not single, but hypnotically, even if I were single at 65, if the same characteristics of myself still applies, I'd still value physical attractive even as an elderly woman.

CriminallyInsane · Answer

It matters to me less and less to me as time goes by. In high school, looks were the main criterion. Now I value intelligence and humor more and how compatible we are and if we feel the same way about how relationships should work. Looks don't mean nothing, just less than they used to.

RavVid · Answer

Physical attraction always matters because our unconscious sex brain calls the shots.

BUT as I've got older the nature of a girl has become important and with more life experience I am more able to see that.

I'd see it that we become more selective in non physical ways rather than not caring so much for the physical. I will always have to feel desire for a girl.

MrChinaski · Answer

The role of hope is lower. By 30, the basic structure of who a person is have been laid down. I think that means you need to be more realistic in relationships.

People change more between 18 and 30 than they do between 30 and 50, in my experience.

capriVib · Answer

No, men at any age value physical attractiveness. I read a study where men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s all found women in the 23-28 age range most attractive, which proves looks are what matter most to them.

Theunfadeable · Answer

No. I need to find someone attractive to want to date them. I can’t see why someone would try to date someone they weren’t attracted to. I’m older but the dynamics in a sexual relationship don’t change because you’re older.

sage2021 · Answer

I don't think that it matters less. Men are very visual and they have to like what they see in a woman so it's still important to me a man to look nice and put together for him.  👠 👠 💄

NathanDavis · Answer

to me, it is the same... all of the things that mattered to me at age 16, are still the same... 20 years later and I don't see why any of that should change... for me, that is

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I still see it as important because I want to be physically attracted to him.. He doesn't have to be hot asf but attractive enough.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think in general you’re right. At least that’s what I’ve noticed with people in their thirties and forties.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I think as you get older, you get measured by different things

Nikki1989 · Answer

It shouldn't be a priority at any age.

HighValue · Answer

No. I have no interest in unattractive women, which many of them are unattractive, even when they are young, and THAT is why they wear makeup to hide their MANY flaws. The majority are only a 4 to 6 in looks even when they are young. Makeup is to hide their shame.

Anonymous · Answer

I can't imagine physical attraction ever being not important. If I were to get married and then divorced 10 or 20 years later, I would still want the next woman I was with to be younger and pretty.

Jerre · Answer

I think it matters just as much as the earlier years.

In_Trance · Answer

It matters just as much

Caurav1997 · Answer

Its always a priority

Anonymous · Answer

Not really, I always value physical attraction.

Thecubs22 · Answer

I'd say it's 50/50.

MasterKS · Answer

sexual compatibility is more important.

indissoluble · Answer

Nope.

beenherebefore · Answer

Not to me.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Absolutely not

Sammy098 · Answer

No, it doesn't

As we hit our thirties, does physical attraction matter less in dating?

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