Is this my intuition warning me about him, or just my anxiety and insecurity?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months. He treats me really nicely, he’s sweet, consistent, and we have fun together when we hang out. On paper, things seem good, but something has been feeling off for me and I can’t tell if it’s intuition or anxiety.

One thing that bothers me is that he got out of a 1 year and 7 month relationship very recently before we started talking. I brought it up to him and he said he understands why that would make me uncomfortable, that he’s over it, and that he really likes me and likes where things are going.

Another thing that confused me: I made a fake account (I know, not my best move), followed him, flirted with him, and he replied saying he was talking to someone and didn’t want to be disrespectful. I unfollowed him, but then a week later he re-requested that account, which made me question why he would do that.

Yesterday I had a messy emotional conversation with him where I said maybe we should take a week apart to think, then I changed my mind and said never mind. I regret how chaotic that came out. Today I texted him saying I like where things are going and want to just let things flow naturally, and he replied saying he appreciates that and is happy with how things are too.

My issue is I can’t tell if I’m picking up on real red flags, or if I’m self-sabotaging because I’m anxious and overthinking. He is kind to me, but I still feel unsettled.

Should I trust my gut and pull back/end it, or slow down and see if my feelings settle? How do I know the difference between intuition and insecurity? Also, should I not answer him all day tomorrow and see what he does?

[HollyK21]

I’m not sure what the intention would be with that last line, like do you want him to chase you in order for you to feel secure and/or confident in that connection? I don’t even ask that with sarcasm or rudeness, just genuinely not understanding why you feel the need to do that.


In any case, I’d say the biggest red flag wasn’t him, but you making that fake account unfortunately. It’s more than “not your best move”, it’s just diving into your own insecurities regarding men cheating. On top of that, you already have worries involving his ex. I’m just feeling like maybe you should reconsider dating him and instead find someone who you have more peace of mind with or don’t have to play games with.


Hell, this could be more of a “you” thing, if you’ve been disappointed or hurt by a man (or men) then you could still have some baggage from that in the form of trauma and trust issues that you need to unpack before trying to date someone. That way you can fully give them a clean slate without self sabotaging, as you do seem to be. Also, I’m not sure how long ago he left his ex, but if you’re feeling like a rebound at some capacity then get out of that. I’d be easier to walk away now and maybe just facing some disappointment rather than further and further down the line where it’d be heartbreaking to let him go because you love him.

[Anonymous]

You already posted this

[Asker]

No one gave me good advice