Should I tell him my Tinder check may have caused his breakup?

[Anonymous]

I initially met this bloke at a gig. We went on a couple of dates before communication on his end dried up. He just didn't seem that interested in me and though I liked him, I let him go.

I tried to see other people. But couldn't connect on the level that I wanted. It was frustrating because everything seemed so natural and easy with him, so I started wondering what he was up to. I couldn't figure out from social media if he was seeing someone, so googled if there was a way to tell if he was on Tinder. The results came back that if I tried to login with his phone number and and it successfully sent a password, that was a sign he was using the dating site. So I input his number. Nothing seemed to happen so I forgot about it and went on with my life.

A few months later my crush and his girlfriend split up. He slid into my DMs and we started to talk quite naturally. Honestly we have great chemistry and get along on almost everything. He asked me what happened to my most recent relationship and I told him honestly, then asked about his... He then told me a "funny story" about how a Tinder message popped up on his phone and she saw it, got really angry, and ended things.

Listening to this , I realised the timeline matched up with when I tried to input his number on the app. I thought it hadn't done anything, but apparently it still sends an authentication code to your phone number, regardless of whether your profile is actually active or not.

Now I feel really guilty because I'm afraid i may have triggered the breakup. I really like him, but it feels selfish to keep him in the dark. Should I just admit to what I did?

[Smart_Monk]

no. Take this from someone who believes that lying literally creates demons. Every time you lie, you snap off a piece of your soul, because a part of you has to believe it in order for you to lie, while the main you knows it's false. This fragment turns demonic. Not metaphorically but real astral parasitic entities.

So anyway, even i am going to tell you: keep it secret. Unless he's as deep into spirit shit as I am in order to understand. ㅤ

Don't tell him.

[Asker]

Isn't keeping it a secret also a lie?

[Smart_Monk]

If you tell him just to offload your guilt, that can be another lie that you care about the truth whilst you just care about offloading guilt.

You can tell him, as soon as you choose, but only after you have eliminated all feelings of guilt. Take some time to marinade in the truth, until you can think of it and it no longer stings. The more you marinade in it the less it will sting him. Let the truth change you, your subconscious.

There is such a thing as him being not ready to hear it, but it will always be wrong time to share until you feel peace with either result. So, non-attachment is the second lesson here. Which would have served you when doing the tinder check in the first place.

Know that we all have a demon in us, quite literally, often popularly called the "shadow self", it acts out our karma, feasts on it. It is an earth-being that is infinitely smarter than ourselves. I often say, if you do not possess it, it possesses you. Without this earth-demon we would all be stupid. We need it in order for us to be intelligent, but it is prone to selfish cleverness.

Most definitely your sending of that message was a deliberate move by your subconscious "demon", you expected nothing but it knew what it was doing.

But don't blame yourself, it was karma still. If it wasn't then they two would have had a stronger connection than what can be broken as easily as that. She did not even listen out his explanation. They also have "demons".

I think the vast majority of human relationships are karmically drawn to expose our "demons". See relationships as a key to improve ourselves and it won't hurt you whatever the result off telling him will be, just 100% ensure that you're not sharing with him this "as a means to feel less guilty".

The "demons" grow bigger on so-called toxicity. Regardless of what you say, if you do it from a place of guilt it will be toxic. If you ever tell him, do it when you're 100% as peaceful as could be.

[MrChinaski]

This week... in junior high...

Seriously? You are 35.

[DishLady]

I don't know why some people are SO NOSY about things that don't concern them at all...

You SHOULD tell him you invaded his privacy... if he is intelligent he'll change his number and also never speak to you again.

Presume ALL MEN are on tinder and hinge and cringe and whatever other apps are out there... they like to "keep their options open" even if they aren't getting anyone on any app OR any bar in town. It's NONE of your business.

[Theunfadeable]

no. no need to go disturbing the man. Live and learn and do better next time

[Anonymous]

You are an insecure, meddling little wench. Whatever he is doing, he dodged a bullet.

[Alex-Snow]

Were the two of you ever sexually involved?

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆