Is a 10 year age gap in dating really too much at 23 and 33?

[tstarr17]

This is kind of a curious question on my end. I know what I think of it, but I wanted to get some more opinions on the topic. There's this lady that shops at my store who I believe is not only one of the nicest customers I've ever had, but one of the nicest people I've ever met, period, and she likes me a lot too. She's told me some personal stuff about her, including that her 23 year old granddaughter just recently got cheated on by her boyfriend and they broke up. About a week ago, she asked me how old I was, and I told her I'm 33. She was bummed by that, because aside from that, she believed I'd be perfect for her granddaughter. She told me today that she brought up the idea to her daughter (granddaughters mom) and she also believes a 10 year difference is too much, even though her husband is 13 years older than she is. I have no idea what her granddaughter believes about age and dating, but it's possible she could agree. She was saying I'd be perfect for her granddaughter if I was 5 years younger. (For the record, all this was her idea and doing, not mine. She's the one that brought it up in the first place).

My opinion on it is that I don't think a 10 year difference is that bad, especially with how dating apps and Tinder have altered dating in general. If you find someone that truly makes you happy, treats you well, is trustworthy, and wouldn't cheat on you, then who cares about that 10 years? I told that lady my friends sister is engaged to someone 10 years older than she, since she prefers to date older men since they tend to be more mature. My friends parents are also 10 years apart in age. I would've been willing to give that one lady a shot, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. That's my opinion, what do you think?

Updates

2 mo

The question title I intended was "What's your opinion on potentially dating someone 10 years older than you?" But this site altered it for some reason.

[Taurus_Woman]

No , a 10-year age gap at 23 and 33 isn’t automatically “too much.”

At that stage, both people are adults with fully developed independence, and age gaps matter less than shared values, maturity, life goals, and emotional compatibility. A relationship works or doesn’t based on how well you understand each other, how you communicate, and whether you want similar things in life.

That said, the difference in life experience can still matter. A 23-year-old and a 33-year-old may be in different phases — career, lifestyle, long-term plans — so it requires awareness and honest communication to make sure the relationship is balanced and not based on pressure or unequal power.

But in itself, the age gap isn’t a problem. The real question is whether the connection is healthy, mutual, and aligned.

[tstarr17]

This is true, I'm a much different person now than I was at age 23. But I felt it at least would be worth trying and seeing how mature she'd be for age 23. Some people mature quicker than others, and it took a while for me I'd argue.

[SamIam96]

There are many instances when a large age gap would work. It comes down to where the two people are in their lives. If they're both at similar points, the gap is less important. For example, if they're both finished with their schooling and working.

It's a problem if there's an imbalance. For example, one is working on their education and has yet to start their career and the other is established in theirs. That relationship is likely to fail. Both career and education consume a great deal of energy and the couple need to go through such important things together. How can they realistically share those disconnected experiences?

There are other age gap related things that could be problems in a committed relationship. Differences in maturity, poor health, financial stability -- all create an uncomfortable and unequal power dynamic.

[tstarr17]

This is a really good answer. Well put.

[SamIam96]

Thank you. I hope you and the grand daughter have a chance to see if it works.

[tstarr17]

I doubt that's gonna happen, but it's all good. I'm not actively looking right now for a relationship, but if the right one comes along or at least someone I think has potential, than sure. I'm good either way.

[Likes2drive]

I don’t think it’s bad but that really depends on what the grand daughter feels about it

[tstarr17]

True, and I have no idea what the granddaughter feels about it. She should be free to make her own choice. Not saying she isn't, but it's likely she'd agree with her mom and grandma

[Likes2drive]

Or what she looks like

[lilBigPotato]

I don't see an issue. My parents have a large age gap too and it worked out just fine. It depends on the individuals and as long as both are adults it doesn't really matter if both feel want it.

[tstarr17]

I'd agree. Does also depend on overall maturity and where you are in life, but I believe she'd be worth getting to know.

[Abbycado]

No, but it also depends on maturity and how put together their life is.

[Nikki1989]

That depends. If the man is 23, it is usually a problem. Many men are very emotionally immature at that age.

[tstarr17]

I agree, but in this case, the man (me) is the 33 year old

[RavVid]

About 10% of marriages have an age difference of 10 years or more. It is not rare, nor uncommon but is merely unusual

[Pterodon]

No it isn’t too much however the elder might get sick of the immaturity of the younger

[tstarr17]

True, but it seems like women mature quicker than men do

[Pterodon]

That’s only in children. Not adults

[tstarr17]

I don't know, I was still kinda immature in my 20's. My friends sister married one guy about 3 years older and had a kid with him, but he ended up cheating on her and they got divorced, so I think it can be true for adults too.

[exitseven]

I always thought ten years was about the limit

[laryipels]

no not at all