Is a 35-year-old coworker pursuing my 19-year-old friend creepy and wrong?

[Anonymous]

is this business ( a restaurant ) in my home area that i go to regularly , i 've meet a lot of the people who work there , is this one girl i'm friends with and server there. she is only 19 and so it was a shock to me that one of the men who works in the kitchen was interested in being more than friends with her as i'm pretty sure he's well into his mid 30's if not even older.

a few times recently when i had been in her section and talking to her i noticed that he came to our area and seemed to interupt and i could not figure out why. and he'd act upset when she was talking to me instead. he's also not a good person he like smokes marijuana and does drugs , i've like seen him high there when he was on break or off work.

like could anyone honestly picture an out of shape 35 year old dating a 19 year old college student who does dance and very attractive , i can't even wrap my mind around it its so crazy that he would even consider her an option

last Saturday he was like outside the place on sidewalk smoking and like looking at me weird and obviously upset at me , like its so creepy why would he be so upset i was friends with her , why would he honestly try and get involved with someone so young at his own work

she or her co workers have not yet talked to me about what is going on , as a last resort i could try speaking to her parents but i don't want to go there yet

Updates

6 d

note he's not a co worker of me i don't work there and never had. not entirely sure what is going on there as people who work there don't seem to want to talk to me about it truthfully. i was under impression kitchen staff there were not allowed to date servers and suppose to leave them alone but somehow he found out about her break up and seemed to be pursuing her

Updates

3 d

still not entirely sure what went on here if anything between him and this girl , he seems to be avoiding me like the plaque since his bizarre stare on Saturday night, i have yet to see him once this week and been in there. she hasn't had anything else to say about it and no one else there seems to want to talk about it either. the whole thing leaves me clueless cannot wrap my mind around the idea that he though he had a chance with her to be honest , whatever he's smokin must be some good stuff

[Abbycado]

You already posted this. Stop obsessing.

Is it approiate for a 30 something guy to try and date a 19 year old girl thur work?

[Asker]

well i need more answers , still unresolved about this , also doubt anyone there is going to speak honestly to me about what if anything is going on , it sort of heated up last Friday when i found out about this then she left for the weekend to do dance in another city and have not seen her since

on Saturday night he was like on sideway outside place and half out of it staring at me with this psycotic look on his face , not joking super creepy and i'm just friends with her, like could anyone honestly picture him dating her? she's way too young and way too good for him , she could do so much better and meet any guy she wants

[lilBigPotato]

They are two adults. It's none of your business unless she's specifically asking you for help.

[Asker]

i'm still not entirely sure what is going on there , i tried talking to her yesterday , it sounds like he talks to her and some of the other servers when they come in the kitchen to get food orders , she seemed to think he had a thing for one of the older servers who worked there she is 29 but already has a boyfriend and highly doubt she would ever date him, very attractive and also a real estate agent pt.

she also said she is going back to school in sep in another city so will not be working there in fall

but that does not explain why he is looking at me weird and following her around the restaurant when i was in her section , must be more to story than what i've got so far

i want to know what is going on because him behaviour towards me is extremely creepy and borders on disturbing , he was like outside staring at me and seemed to be half out of it the other day , why is he so fixated on me? i'm just her friend

[Asker]

note i did not ask if she felt he had done anything inapproiate when they were together at work there

or did i ask if he has any way to communicate with her outside of work , its possible he might know her # as the staff there have to use there #cell to communicate with owner who is never actually there and likely a lot of the staff know what each others # is , its also possible he added her on snapchat or such i don't know

i did not ask specifically if he had expressed romantic interest towards her or if he had asked if she had a boyfriend or about her break up with her actual high school boyfriend

[Asker]

some more info saw a couple of the other servers who work there yesterday but not her , the one was talking about the kitchen and guy we've been discussing and she said he is mean and rude to her when she comes in to get stuff

( she is around same age and attractive but has a boyfriend )

so he is rude and mean to other girls same age and such who work there ( but have boyfriend's ) but super nice to this other girl who he found out somehow is single

does sound kind of strange he is treating them so differently , so he doesn't even like some of the other girls who work there as friends it would appear but nice to this other girl

[Alex-Snow]

Workplace dating, romances or sex is just not a good idea regardless of age.

[Asker]

i was under the impression that kitchen > server dating was not even allowed at that place , under impression he paid kitchen staff well but they were suppose to just show up for work and leave the girls alone as owner typically hires many attractive younger women who often already had boyfriend's to work there

that was partly why i was so shocked when i heard about this , like never heard of anyone from kitchen trying to date a server there other than one girl back in 2022 , like it is that uncommon at that place , it like never happens.

can think of other summer time restaurants that almost encourage it , can think of a couple that meet around 2018 when both servers at another place and actually got married

[Alex-Snow]

Happy to hear that!

[Asker]

it varies by restaurant some encourage it if it helps with the experience , the place where the couple got engaged is a summer time restaurant and often a lot of staff dating during the summer months when its open

but still not sure what is going on with my situation , not seen this dude all week he seems to be avoiding me like the plaque and no longer comes to area where i'm at even if i'm with that girl

she didn't seem to want to say much and got the feeling the other girls her age do not even like him at all and one even said he's mean to her when she goes in the kitchen to get stuff , she is same age but has boyfriend and get sense he must of known she did not like him perhaps

or is some other unknown reason why he dislikes her so much

[Asker]

but pretty sure this place does not allow dating among kitchen staff/servers or at least strongly discourages it , cause been going there for years and cannot recall one kitchen/server relationship and when someone in kitchen has a girlfriend its always a girl from another restaurant or whatever never one they work with

so that makes it more perplexing , why is he trying to date this girl if its not even suppose to be allowed there? if i was in his situation i would try and date a 19 year old from another restaurant to avoid the drama and employment issues that to me make the most sense , i can't see why he'd pursue one from own place especially when she seems to be way too good for him to begin with

even if he was the same age as her i cannot see them being together , they have nothing in common and she could land a way better guy like an athlete or such , like why would she want a thin white guy who works in the kitchen?

[Nikki1989]

Don't mess with coworkers. Especially ones that young.

[Asker]

i was under impression co worker dating was not even allowed at that place , like owner paid the kitchen staff well but there suppose to just show up for work and like not date there , any of the guys i know in kitchen there girlfriend's works at another restaurant or somewhere else like no one is dating a server there

thats why i was so shocked to hear about this , perhaps he asked owner for permission or didn't care cause she is so hot or figures owner is not actually going to say anything cause he has worked there so long

[Badtobad]

None of your business she can make her decision, she is an adult

[Asker]

the age of consent here is 16 although its 18 under some circumstances such as through employment is person has authority or seniority over the other so he could not of legally dated her when she started work there and was younger but could now

is girls who work there as hosts who are 17 and it would be illegal for him to date them under that law

[Badtobad]

You don't know when he dated her

[Asker]

don't know if they've actually dated or done anything , just know that he was like trying to date her and like following me around the place upset i was friends with her and always talk to her

she or her girlfriend's have never explained what is actually going on , its also creepy he know about her break up , like i did not even know her ex boyfriend was out of the picture entirely , i know she dated a guy ( her own age in high school ) and they went to prom together but appears they broke up this past winter

like did he ask her about it? or did he ask one of her girlfriend's who work there , was never really many pictures of they together on her social media other than maybe 1 at prom so even if she removed them it would not of been obvious

[Asker]

according to wikipedia 19 is still considered a teenager , he is trying to date a teenage server at his place of work , try to wrap your mind around that its so crazy it doesn't even make sense on any level , all i can think is all the drugs have messed him up and he's having delusions due to heavy longterm usage of all this dope

teenager/ˈtēˌnājər/A teenager is broadly defined as a young person aged 13 through 19 years old, deriving the name from the numbers that end in "-teen". This developmental stage is synonymous with adolescence, bridging the gap between childhood and adulthood.

[Badtobad]

She's an adult also, that is a fact. You are overreacting because she's a girl. Pathetic.

[Abbycado]

Nope. Shouldn’t date coworkers period.

[Asker]

i know it does not seem like a good idea , i'm not necessary against age difference dating but this does not seem like a healthy situation and i don't think its possible he could meet her through normal circumstances so clearly he is using his connection through work to his advantage

no way an attractive 19 year old dancer would want to date a 35 year old man who worked in the kitchen of a restaurant , doesn't even make sense and rather crazy he is even trying to attempt the idea

[dudeinohio]

Id say no, especially a co worker.

[Asker]

co worker dating in restaurants especially summer ones can be fun but if the people are like same age typically 20 something students. sort of like spring break

but this one weird as he is obviously too old for her and not even a match if he was same age, she is fit and athletic , he doesn't even get exercise and just smokes pot , its not just there not same age there not even compatible to begin with