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Both of my sisters are in relationships, but I’m still single. I had 7 ex‑boyfriends during college and 2 from Facebook, and now my mum comes with me when I date for safety. Why does dating feel harder for me now compared to my sisters?”
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I think the biggest hurdle is that your mom is coming with you on dates. I can't speak for guys, but I know if I went on a date with someone at your age and they had a parent there I would be off put. What is the safety concern that your mom has? I think you need to address that somehow so she doesn't have to go.
Also 9 exes is a lot in a relatively short span of college assuming it is 4 years. That is over two exes per year. I would reflect on why none of those worked out. There is probably a pattern to it.
Masie, I understand what you’re saying. I actually don’t want my mum to come on dates. She’s extremely anxious and overprotective because I have moderate learning disabilities, and she worries about men taking advantage of me. I’ve tried talking to her, but she gets scared and says she won’t let me date unless she comes with me.
About the exes — I had 7 ex‑boyfriends from college and 2 from Facebook. Some of them tried to take advantage of me, and one of them was love‑bombing me when I was 13 in special education, even though nothing happened. Those experiences made my mum even more protective, which is part of why dating is harder now.
Thanks for the explanation. I understand a lot better now why your mom is overprotective. I also understand why you are frustrated. Perhaps there is a middle ground you and your mom can find? What if you went on a lunch date and your mom is there at the restaurant but gives you space? Let you and your date have your own table. Do you think she would go for something like that?
Really sorry that you were taken advantage of. That is horrible of someone to do.
Thanks, Masie. I actually tried that already — having my mum stay in the same place but giving me space — and it didn’t work. She still gets very anxious and feels like she has to be right next to me.
And just to clarify, I wasn’t sexually active back then. It was love‑bombing through messages when I was in special education, and I did tell a teacher, but they brushed it off because the boy also had learning disabilities. Experiences like that made my mum even more protective, which is why she struggles to let me date on my own.
Wow that is tough then. Can I ask if an initital date goes well and your mom sees that, would she let you then go on a date alone or give you more space?
Thanks, Masie. I’ve actually tried that idea before — having my mum stay in the same place but giving me space — and it didn’t really work. Sometimes she’ll give me a bit of space, but most of the time her anxiety kicks in and she feels she has to stay close.
I also let guys know beforehand that my mum is coming with me, because I can’t drive and she comes with me by train even when I go into the city centre. So it’s not something I hide. I’ve tried different approaches, but her anxiety makes it hard for her to step back.
That is really good that you are upfront about it. Very considerate of you. You seem like a sweet girl with a good head on your shoulders.
Since you don't have many options, I think the only suggestion I have is find a guy that is okay with your mum coming and then show her she has nothing to worry about over the course of a few dates. Maybe if she sees you are okay over and over then she won't be so anxious. That would be the hope anyhow.
Why is dating harder for you? Umm... you bring your mom on dates. Start there.
I get what you’re saying, but it’s not my choice. My mum is very anxious and overprotective, and she insists on coming or she won’t let me date at all. I’m trying to figure out how to handle that so dating isn’t so difficult.
You are 28 years old and your mum insists on running your life? And you allow that? Boundaries. You need to establish some with mum. And probably other people as well. So when do you envision yourself becoming an adult and making your own decisions? I think I see the problem with guys thinking about dating you. They do not want to date you and your mum.
Not knowing you and your sisters, it is really hard to say.
Go ahead and do what your sisters are doing, don’t be a virgin
@_jenny_ pop the cherry!
@MasterKS yes
Because you are almost 30 and take your mom with you on dates
How was sex? your sisters must be good in it, nowadays relationship hangs on that.