How many dates does it take for you to decide if there is a relationship?

[RachyRach]

How many dates should you go on before deciding if there's long-term potential?

Of course this is different for everyone, but how many do you think is the minimum for you?

[OneViewpoint]

LOL, I'm likely an outlier in the data. In a VERY unusual occurrence for me, a very hot 38 year old blonde tried to chat me up this past Friday night. She was/is about 5'7" thin with a slender fit build. And she was dressed to kill in a yellow dress. She was at a table and suddenly jumped up and migrated to sit one seat away from me at the bar. It then took her 3 more trips from the table to her new seat near me to move all her stuff which I thought was hilarious.

She just sat there sideways facing me. It got awkward after a while so I acknowledged her a couple of times. She said she was waiting for a friend. Didn't say male or female. Turns out it was a girlfriend. And I actually ended up engaging with the blonde for more than 2 hours. Which is really rare for me. Her friend only stayed about an hour.

They had apparently seen me / noticed me several times before and knew I rarely engage with anyone or approach women randomly. They actually recounted an incident where they saw me in action when they asked a group of young guys at the bar to shift down so they could have 2 seats. She said they were both looking at me and betting I was silently saying, "c'mon guys don't do it, just say no for once". ROFL, they nailed me. I don't remember the incident but that is 95% what I was probably thinking. But, I honestly didn't remember running into them prior to that night.

So to the point of this question. At some point she actually asked me pretty much this same question. My response is what I tell everyone. It can take up to two years to get to know me. For anyone. She was surprised by my answer but it didn't seem to put her off. I know I'm not "normal" but I like to take my time so I don't end up wasting my time long term. Lot's of small interactions over time before i start spending time with someone on a regular basis or commit to an exclusive relationship. We both get to see each other in different situations, learn about each other, establish some connection, or not. it certainly may not take 2 years but the point is that I'm in no hurry to race into a mistake.

She went to the ladies room eventually and came back in a little black dress. She said she was going to meet up with another girl group and we started wrapping it up while she called an Uber. Girl group or a date with a guy, doesn't matter. Not my business. It was a nice conversation. She left with all her stuff. 10 minutes later she was back in the seat next to me in that little black dress. Some story about the Uber ride getting messed up. OK, sure. I'm not gonna press it. We went on talking for another hour. We discovered we live in the same town very near each other. I left this time. No attempt to kiss her or hug her. Just a handshake and a thank you. I'm a pain in the ass. 🤣

[nastyb]

where do you live? . I never see meet people that friendly at the bar where i live

[OneViewpoint]

@nastyb,

Southwestern Connecticut along the "Gold Coast" of Long Island Sound. And I'm really trying to not sound arrogant but, it's rare here too. Except with me. I get hit on by women all the time. But I rarely engage with any of them like I did with her. She was just the right combination on the right night.

[nastyb]

Is it common for people to go to bars alone over there?

Over where I live, I've always been too afraid to go alone cuz everyone goes in a group or in pairs

[OneViewpoint]

@nastyb,

I do but you're right, not a lot of people feel comfortable going into a place alone, eating alone, having a drink alone. I've never had a problem with it. I like to get out at least once a week. And I've been going to these 3 or 4 places long enough that a lot of people know me even if it's only casually. It's not unusual for me to run into a dozen people I know even if I'm not "with them" or their group. They walk over and say hi or wave from across the room or I do. New people come and go. The owner, the manager, the bar staff and the waitstaff all know me.

But I'd have no problem at all walking into a totally new place this week not knowing anyone.

I get it may be different for women. But the blonde woman I mentioned was sitting alone at a table initially however she was waiting for her girlfriend. They both ended up sitting next to me. I introduced them to a half dozen people. Voila, they were no longer alone. But she did migrate next to me on her own. And she started the conversation. I respect her putting herself out there and taking a risk. It shows some confidence and a personality which she had in large measure.

[nastyb]

You probably have aged pretty well to still have women approaching you at 60. It tend to be older women who are confident enough to approach.

[nastyb]

How do you know it's time to approach someone? Do you look for signals? Or do you just blindly walk over? Sorry but I'm asking as a one of those socially awkward gen z-ers who grew up on screens and Facebook

[OneViewpoint]

@nastyb,

Nope, not really. The woman the other night was 38 and her friend was 30. I get approached by women in their 30's all the time. I've dated women 25, 27, 27, 28, 29, 32, 33, 38, 44, 48, 50 in the last 10 years. I didn't approach any of them. Some of them were really aggressive. Some were married. From what I can tell, if women want to meet a guy, they will drop the shy demure act and dropping of vague hints and get down to making it happen, LOL.

[nastyb]

You have no idea how lucky you are to still get approached at 60

[OneViewpoint]

@nastyb give me a while and I’ll give you some tips. I’m in the middle of a workout right now.

[nastyb]

Alright

[OneViewpoint]

@nastyb ,

Apologies, I went from a workout to dinner to an 8PM call with a West Coast client struggling to herd cats.

Now for a few thoughts on approaching people. Where are you? Big city? Suburban bedroom community like me? Small City? Small town? Rural?

Try to find an upscale local place with a good happy hour. I like wine bar restaurants.
1.) That will draw a crowd of people who are at least semi adults and not working at McDonald's. The vibe is important.
2.) Dress well. No matter what other people are wearing.
3.) Sit at the bar. It will put you in the middle of people. Especially important if you're shy.
4.) Own that space at the bar. Sit up straight. Smile. Acknowledge other people. Show polite confidence. Don't over flirt and look needy.
5.) Forget about approaching people at first. Chat up the bartender and other staff. Chat up the people to your left or right. Doesn't matter who they are. An older couple. Other girls. Or a couple of guys. Just short 30 second interactions to get you into the habit of talking to other people.
6.) Don't think of it as approaching people. Or "getting" a specific guy. Or "getting his number". You're just out to enjoy yourself and have a good time, have a drink, have something to eat.
7.) You're a girl, you can try the eye contact flirty thing. Don't be surprised if it doesn't work.
8.) You don't really need to "approach". Just wait until a guy comes into your orbit. Comment on the crowd. Or the weather. Ask about the menu. Ask if there are any other good places nearby. Ask for food or drink recommendations. Compliment his shirt or his hair. Just a 2 minute conversation. Let it end rather than keeping it going too long.
9.) Get out there and get some experience.
10.) Set your expectations realistically. You're there to have a good time. It may not happen when you want it to happen. So what? Keep trying.

[nastyb]

I have a fear of going out alone because of the trauma of being ostracized as a kid. What if I go there and nobody wants to talk to me... I will just be sitting all alone while everyone is laughing and having fun. I live in a big city. Bartenders tend to talk to you because it's their job to be nice. But in the back of my mind, I just wonder if they are actually interested in talking to me at all.

[OneViewpoint]

@nastyb ,

You need to get over that fear. OK, city is good. You'll have options and plenty of people. Don't worry about being alone. Believe me you don't want everyone talking to you. Amuse yourself in between interactions by watching the people theater going on around you, Who's interacting with who. How they interact. You'll see some funny stuff. Stop putting importance on a specific outcome and just let things happen.

[OlderAndWiser]

The answer depends on your age and experience with dating. As you get older and accumulate bad experiences, you develop more specific ideas about what you want in a partner, and you know sooner.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[ohsheeT]

You have to remember it takes two at the same time or close to the same time both wanting the same thing

For me i all ready know this is what i want before the first date
Because I already know what see wants and it kinda just starts happening

And of course as it your getting closer and closer you can feel the bond starting and in one moment one might say something to confirm what both are feeling

And of course there is always one that has to be a smart ass (me) and denies it
It might say oh no you don't you're not tricking me into anything
With a smile and a giggle And then just pin her up against the wall
Kiss her slow and ask is this what you really want because if it is so do I and that's what it really starts

[Chazmatazz269]

It’s not determined by a set number of dates. A few things need to happen organically first. I need to feel like i can see more of her and that i’m not sharing her with other suitors. I need to feel like she wants to see more of me and be similarly minded about exclusivity. Then we need to have a conversation about exclusivity and what that means to each of us. If that conversation ends amenably for both of us, then we go steady and start talking about our shared future.
This can happen remarkably fast, or it can take weeks or even months. I would be leery of someone who wasn’t ready to have that conversation after a few months though.

[MrOracle]

For me, typically between 5 and 10 "dates", though I use that term broadly to include any meeting where we are physically together for at least a couple of hours. Some will be more formal dates and some will just be hanging out and talking

And it typically takes fewer dates if I knew them for a while before dating, and more if they were a stranger before dating.

[DishLady]

3 encounters to know that I want to date the guy a little approx 5-7 dates across the span of 2-3 months and I'll know if I want to date exclusively and with a relationship in mind. At the end of three months I want to take inventory.

[AviatorTom]

It varies. I knew I wanted to pursue a serious relationship with my wife after our second date.

[texasgirl012]

It probably took about 10 or 20 dates. He's really hot and smart and funny, but I was worried about the fact I was secretly so much more strongly attracted to a certain kind of Black, when he is white. And he could tell that was true, even though I had never been with one and was taught that I could never, ever do that. Maybe he was interested in me for that reason. But we never really talked about it directly. Over all those dates, I found I was falling in love with the rest of him, but had a blank space as far as sexual interest. We shared a lot of interests and cultural background and so on. I finally decided I could keep my sexual desires under control and the rest of him is worth it, especially the love and tenderness I was feeling. He's confident in most things, but also a hurt little boy about that one aspect, but also excited by it. I rationalized that I didn't really have interest in relationships with the Blacks anyway, but was just obsessing about sex wtih them. I would have gone against my parents and had a relationship with a Black if I found the right one. But really, my interest in Blacks was all very carnal and about that one thing. Now that my boyfriend and I found a way we can both enjoy, where I have the relationship but also tantalize him with the lies I tell about what I'm doing, it's perfect. And he even introduces me to them, innocent like, knowing what will happen. I try to make it so good for him and also for the Blacks I'm with too, because it's just amazing how it all feels when I'm with them and when I come back home after. I want it to be perfect for my boyfriend, for the Blacks I'm with, for me, and for the relationship. I guess it's worth six months of dating and then a year of being in a relationship. We were on solid ground before I had my first Black after I realized my boyfriend had his version of the hunger even more than me. I can't even imagine having another relationship in the future, and don't want to.

[Anonymous]

i would really recommend waiting at least 2-3 months before making it official.

because i fell head over heels in love with an amazing man back in May. We began talking about planning our wedding, children, engagement. Then by the end of the second month, I realized he was a lunatic with a slew of very abnormal mental issues. By the third month, further mental issues came out. Now we are broken up.

Please don't over invest into someone too early in the relationship. Date them for a while to spot red flags and drop them once too many red flags exist. Don't date someone with too many red flags, like I did, otherwise, you will end up breaking up with them down the road.

[Nikki1989]

That varies from person to person, but early dates are performance mode — best behaviour, curated stories, low stakes. Long-term compatibility shows up in the stuff that doesn't fit neatly into a simple dinner reservation.

Men will almost always say what they think the woman wants to hear, and it is often not genuine.

[NathanDavis]

it's been different even for me, with different people...

could be as "quick" as one month, a couple of months... or close to a year even

definitely not based on the "number of dates" but what kind of "dating" situation is going on, and how well we get to known one another...

[Alex-Snow]

Rach... it kinda depends on how the dates went, if there was a good connection and if both involved wanted to take things to the next level. To some extent it might also depend on the sexual desires of both involved. What have u noticed with ur boyfriends/relationships?

[browsingthroughthe]

@Alex-Snow was it a few or many weeks or months of dates before you and the friends with benefits felt it could work? Like seriously asking :) 😛 or were there never any, dates? 🌹 Not even a rose to her in the rain? 🌧️ ©️ Music 🎵🎶

[Sugar100]

I learned if you go on dates forever and guy neevr asks to be his girlfriend then you aren’t his girlfriend and won’t have relationship with him. All guys do this to me we date many times and never ever be asked be his girl. Then I ask what are we and they don’t want confirm. I feel after a third date if they aren’t confirming your are boyfriend girlfriend you need dump him.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I never dated. We spent a lot of time together. It wasn’t like I called her up and said don’t want to go on a date w me. I think we both knew we just like each other, so we hung out a lot. Now it’s 18 years later still going strong.

[midnightmoon05]

One.
they pass the interview… there will be a second date.
I did give an nice guy 3-4 dates… I had to let him go because I just couldn’t work through the chemistry.

[RavVid]

I saw a stat that it is an average of 7 dates.

For me though it has always been much quicker. The girl was keen on me and I was keen on her and the relationship was fairly much settled by a period of enthusiastic sex.

[browsingthroughthe]

@RachyRach thanks, fantastic question ☺️
I'd say to become relationship official : maybe many months of dating. So about, 6-12 dates, or so : 6-12 months.

[browsingthroughthe]

Not limited to 1 date a month lol I'm just giving an idea 🌹 of

[slatyb]

Potential? Not many. When I was dating most women were happy to take me to bed after three dates, so they saw some potential. To marry? A year for young people marrying for the first time.

[BCRanger10]

I think that around the third or fourth date, you should be having a discussion about where the relationship is going.

[lilBigPotato]

Depends on the person, how you met etc... But after a handful of dates you have a good idea where it's going.

[Twalli]

It really depends on whrn we talk about the future and values. I try to plan do this early on, because if there are too many differences in our future plans, I want to break it off before we're too deep.

[Mark_Est]

Usually one is enaugh to find out if the woman isn't a virgin and is for the streets.

[bowenw]

However long it takes to get over the stage of being on their best behavior so we can get to know the real person.

[dudeinohio]

I can usually discover if someone has potential during the first date. Then, it is verified during subsequent dates. If everything falls into place, then i pursue a relationship.

[MrChinaski]

I don't date. If I'm spending time with you then I see long-term potential.

[YourExLover69]

I'd say 4-5 dates enough to get clear pic of her. Nowadays I'm looking for relationship leading to marriage.

[Staximus]

Whatever amount of dates it takes to get to know that person well enough. Are they all day dates or two hour dates? You can’t just say how many

[Iron_Man]

We decided everything on the phone on My last relationship Before I even met her and when we did we went every where and the USA and In Europe

[AngryCarl3]

I've never had two dates with the same girl.

[Jersey2]

I just keep going until it is over. Sometimes it just faded away.

[TonyMetal___1986]

Two or three dates i guess because i'm an open book, either she likes me or not 🤷🏻‍♂️

[ThisSiteSux]

Just one. When you know, you know. The earlier the better. If your single at 23. Your not going to be happy with your life decisions

[theskyrider]

It depends quite a few, in some case you might meet the person in several occasions before calling her for a real date

[jahaims]

No set number. It depends on how vulnerability both parties want to be.

[jahaims]

Vulnerable *

[JamesRandiDebates]

One., provided the after coffee BJ in the car is acceptable. As long as the sex gets better with each date, I'll keep her around.

[MrChinaski]

You're gonna really hate marriage, bro.

[Darthskywalker6969]

It depends on how well i mesh with the person

[kaucky1]

Skip the dating part no reason to argue just happens cuz I don't need to speak

[Bklynbadboy12]

That depends on our chemistry how much I like that person and how we vibe

[Eiram5]

One date if they can hold a conversation or not.

[Jarraff58]

I think that would depend on both people, the one might want one and the other not so fast.

[CindyRuns]

For me, it's 2-3 months of regular time together

[Abbycado]

Took me a few before I just knew.

[browsingthroughthe]

Months right? 👍🏻👍🏻

[_Jenny_]

@RachyRach As many as it takes

[fonduegirl]

depends on the chemistry

[browsingthroughthe]

This is the stuff directors and casting directors live on and off of also - if the leads or the cast aren't going to gel, there's no Romeo to Juliet ☺️😛😋 aka audience believe either.

[RareBreedOfMan]

I would say at least 4 dates.

[exitseven]

Usually by the third date I can reasonably tell.

[loveslongnails]

One date or less.

[MrChinaski]

Less? lmao

[loveslongnails]

@MrChinaski LOL Yes, meaning it can be the initial conversation and I know before I'd even ask for a date. :)

[MrChinaski]

Fair call.

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Depends on the person

[LiamJHayden]

Four or five, sometimes fewer.

[canamlusciouslad73]

Depends on the doll.

[dragoblack]

Usually after 2 or 3 dates

[Adogdog]

I would say a couple for sure.

[Anonymous]

That's a good question.

[wkhan_87]

I think three are enough

[Elyaaaa]

4-5 for me personally but it also depends!

[Amy10223]

Two.

[Micheal6918]

One date

[Pretendingtobesweet]

Once

[Maria1986z]

I say one.

[whosnumber_1]

One.

[AgentG111]

Years.

[dougeats]

Just 1