Asking her to hang out without being "creepy"?

[CafeWRX]

so I'm gonna ask this girl to hang out who works at this place I frequent. the problem is that I want to do it in a way that's not "creepy." I've been hanging out with my friends (girls) and they get hit on by guys and most of the time after it happens they're like "that guy was a creeper," or "that was kind of creepy." I don't know what the guidelines are and what is considered creepy or not nowadays. most of it seemed pretty normal to me.

so how do I come off as non creepy or is this different from girl to girl? is "do you want to hang out sometime?" creepy? also this isn't the first time I've ever talked to her. we have mini conversations while I'm there, because I'm usually not there long, and she's flirted with me a couple times. my friends have also said that they think she's interested but I'm pretty sure they're biased...

[Anonymous]

"most of it seemed pretty normal to me."

It's going to be hard to hear, but that is usually a good sign of a creeper.

Most creepers are not deliberately trying to make the girls flesh crawl when they talk to her.

They are instead, socially awkward, perhaps at the very borderline of high-functioning autistic or something.

They lack the ability to fully understand and empathise with everyday human to human interaction, so they don't realize when someone is being weird or off-putting.

If you're someone who saw these creeps in action, and couldn't see what they were doing wrong, then it's possible you're one of them.

Never mind, that's not a complete deal-breaker. It just means that you'll have to learn to do consciously, what most people do unconsciously. And you'll have to accept that social niceties do NOT have to make sense, but they DO have to be obeyed.

If you can wrap your head around that, you'll be fine.

[CafeWRX]

what constitutes a creeper in a girls point of view varies. yes both my friends pointed out creepers but neither thought each others experience was creepy. I'm just trying to find a popular consensus on what girls didn't consider creepy and going with that. being labeled creepy from one girls opinion doesn't work for me, if you see a creeper call it a creeper but don't call a shy guy creepy because he's nervous. by your definition most of the guys on here are asking for help are creepers...

[Opinion Owner]

Eh, not most of them. But a goodly number of them, yeah. Socially inept with borderline anger control issues and an over developed sense of entitlement.

But hey, that's just my opinion of them.

Like I said to you before, I don't think you'll have a problem. Whether you realize it or not, you're already kind of doing what I suggested - trying to work out what behavior will elicit that accusation, and avoid that behavior .

That's the right move, even if for most guys it comes naturally.

[alltheabove1212]

If she's already attracted to you it won't matter. They thought the guys were creepy because 1)Their approach was overly creepy or 2) They thought the guy wasn't good looking enough

[katg4560]

Took the words right out of my mouth

[CafeWRX]

most of the time I think its #2. thanks for the insight

[Anonymous]

Well personally, I think some girls are just too judgmental and call anyone who they're not attracted to that tries to hit on them a creeper. I think if your friends call the guy a creeper most of the time they are probably just being bitches lol. For me, I think a guy who is hitting on me is creepy if he's obviously a lot older than me or if he's too persistent like I've already rejected him and he keeps at it. If you've already had some conversations with this girl and she responds back to you and doesn't try to avoid you or anything, I'm sure she likes you on at least some level (basically if she was creeped out by you she would shrug you off, not make much convo, avoid you). So just go up to her and ask her out!

[CafeWRX]

I honestly think its more of the lack of attraction when a girl calls a guy a creeper but that's just me. Yeah some guys are just persistent creeps but whenever I witness this with my friends I honestly think they do it because the guys not cute enough or whatever.

[ChloeDontWorry]

Well you've already established conversations with her which is good. Saying 'do you want to hang out sometime?' isn't creepy. Try to act shy, shy is simply adorable and far from creepy, you don't want to look over-confident. Maybe go there one day and say, 'hey I'm going to (some place she might like) what time do you get off work? Do you want to join me?'. Just keep talking to her ! Hope this helped :)

[CafeWRX]

thanks! I don't think ill have a problem being a little bit shy haha

[PinkPenguin]

You could ask her for coffee and yes I believe creepy is different from girl to girl.. Since your female friends have pretty good idea on what they think is creepy, you should ask them for advice as well.

[CafeWRX]

i have asked them and some things they agree are creepy and some they dont. like I told the anonymous male answer, I'm just asking to find out popular female opinion on what isn't creepy and going with that but it doesn't seem like you will ever come to an agreement on what you find creepy or not. haha.