Do girls string guys along on purpose?

[Shpongolia]

Nothing hurts like it when you realize the person you're trying to date and pursue has no romantic interest in you and you've been strung along the whole time. Do girls do this to test the guy, or is it more to be cruel because they don't like him in return? Or might the reason be that she doesn't have the courage to tell him flat out that she's not interested in him?

To be fair, I know guys are known to do this to. Have you ever deliberately or accidentally strung someone along?

[knowmeyourself]

Good question!

I have had girlfriends who did this to guys at some point. I felt sorry for those guys because they kept chasing after the girls and got hurt in the end. Different girls string the guys along for different reasons. Some of them are:

1) Some girls like to be the center of attention. I knew a girl who kept chasing after a guy who was engaged. She rejected him in the past but once she knew he had a fiancee, she couldn't swallow the fact that he had moved on and lived his life. So, she decided she WANTS him now. She kept flirting with him and use all the tricks she knows of. Luckily, the guy was very polite but did not give in. This is an example of a girl who can't accept not being the center of attention.

She will keep on using all the tricks until you give in. Once she has you, she will drop you and will lose interest. Such girls feel empty inside and they tend to reflect their misery onto other people. They thrive for drama in their lives. They are immature, irresponsible and don't think of the consequences of their acts.

Unfortunately, girls can be very smart in how they let guys believe that they love them. I feel sorry for the guys who get trapped in games like these.

2) They aren't necessarily after guys' attention, but they like to keep their options. I have a friend who criticized me for not dating multiple guys at a time. She believed that a girl must keep her options and know plenty of people until she's sure which one she wants. Ofcourse such people would die if the same was done to them. Such people don't think about how others feel. They only care for themselves.

So, a girl like this will flirt with you and other guys. She wants to guarantee having a guy in her life regardless of how the guy would feel about it.

Again, she will ditch you once she makes up her mind on which guy she wants, or when you become clingy or too romantic for her taste.

3) She used to like you, but when she knew you better she decides that you are not the one for her. She decides not to let you know. She would rather let things slide. She thinks you're going to hurt less like that.

I think it's a cowardly move though because this means you are leading on that guy. It's better to be honest and straight forward. Even if he's going to hurt now, it's better than being stringed along for a long time which hurts more.

4) I must say this. Some guys THINK the girl likes him. It's all in their mind though. They start obsessing over small things like "She smiled in my direction!", "She said HI", "She walked by me and stared at my shirt!". Well, that does not mean that she likes you. She could be nice, smiley and polite and that's it.

Such guys string themselves along with their own way of thinking. They start complaining that the girl is acting differently as of lately or that she is mean or whatever. The truth is that she never really lead him on or anything. It's all in their mind.

Hope this helps. :)

[DanteSparda]

wow..that's really a great answer :)

so how will you manage the situation.. ? do you think ignoring them back will put their ego back to normal and chasing the guy again ?

[knowmeyourself]

Thanks. :) No, not necessarily. Some girls will keep chasing after you to gain your attention once more. Once you come closer, she will walk away and string you along. She will keep on blowing hot and cold. She will feed on your misery and self-esteem. You will feel very confused, frustrated and will keep thinking "What have I done wrong?" Actually, it isn't about you. It's always about her, what she wants and when she wants. All what you can do is to not let ANYONE manipulate you, whomever...

[knowmeyourself]

that is even if she's the girl you like. If you are sure that she's manipulative on purpose and that she's blowing hot and cold, then you need to forget about her even if she played her tricks on you again and again. You gotta understand that she is no good for you and that there are other girls who will make you happy and love you very much. If she's blowing hot and cold because she's shy or something (not on purpose), then that's another story.

[DanteSparda]

yes...definitely...can't agree more ^_^

[knowmeyourself]

I'm glad. :)

[knowmeyourself]

Thanks for BA! :)

[DanteSparda]

Yw :)

[asking1234]

So she would tell me she likes me multiple times, and when I told her she is playing me and she’s a player she got so mad what does it mean?

[DishLady]

That's a great question. I'm SURE that some do, though to be honest, a guy just accused me of stringing him along and I absolutely did not, so it's really a matter of perception. Some guys WANT to be strung along and allow themselves to be (for whatever reason), though the girl may just think he's being nice, friendly, attentive, brotherly, whatever. Meanwhile, he has designs on her and ultimately becomes resentful of being treated "like a patsy"...

On the flip side, there are girls who bask in the attention of guys who "serve" them with a sort of hopeless dependence for her attention/favor. I don't quite understand these people (either the guys who allow this or the girls who are compelled to seek these guys out), so I can't explain their motives.

Just watch who you hang out with. It's fairly easy to detect girls who purposely "seduce" a guy into servitude and girls who just exist on their own and are grateful for a helpful hand and a companion to share their life.

[toulouse]

i tell people directly when I'm not interested.

ironically I've only been accused of it by someone I actually was in love with and to my knowledge making a real effort. people sometimes see things in away that is unhelpful but for w/e reason 'comfortable' for them at the time... it did occur to me that if while I'm trying so hard to make an effort, he's trying hard to convince himself I am playing games... perhaps he was projecting. and didn't have avery clear understanding of his _own_ resistance.

i find it to be a very useful tool. whenever you think you know something about someone, flip it around... and communicate honestly with them-- before drawing any conclusions.

[Frunkiss]

I have never done it. I was strung along by one girl recently who would text me all of the time. After a week I knew she was just using me for attention and validation but I really wanted to get in her pants so I kept at it. She is also a huge drama queen so we would fight a little bit over her attention-whoring but then she would swear that she was considering an friends with benefits setup with me. Well it went on for like a month and I asked her again and she said she had chosen another guy and was just returning my texts daily to be nice even though I told her 3 times to stop leading me on by tempting me with something I can't have. I just stopped texting her after that one. I get a text from her every once in a while.

My theory on it is that some women are just conditioned to be attention whores. They see it as natural and can't help it. Of course all women like attention since that is part of female sexuality and validation but some just take it too far to where it could impede their relationships and hurt people and that I think we can all agree on is wrong.

[toulouse]

@all women like attention since that is part of female sexuality

it is illogical to claim any particular behavior to be an intrinsic quality of a human being based on their sex, as all sexes are capable and culpable of the exact same behaviors.

if you didn't want attention you would not be posting Anything on this site, and with your picture up for all to see.

[Littletad]

I think both sides do it these days. A lot of people are scared of getting hurt, and having options seems to be the way to go, or at least that's the mindset. Honestly, I think it's rubbish. Opening yourself up to one person, is still the best way to go. You might get hurt, or it might lead to something great. But it's worth the risk.

[Anonymous]

Yes, some do. I have before. When I did it was kind of a "I'm not ready to date yet, but when the time comes I'd like to have this guy in my back pocket" sort of thing. Some girls just like the attention. Some do it to test the guy. I doubt anyone does it to be "cruel" though. I think it's more of a "the girl has low self-esteem and wants the attention" type deal usually.

[DanteSparda]

but have you regretted it afterward ?

[Opinion Owner]

In my case, no. I didn't regret it. I feel like if I didn't string the guy in question along then he would have dated someone else and I wouldn't have gotten to date him. I know it's selfish, but still. I'd rather keep someone interested in me before I'm ready then have them date someone else and I lose them

[DanteSparda]

but don't you think he would really get hurt if he realizes that he's been strung along the whole time ? especially if he's kind of sensitive ?

[Twincapersred]

Maybe she likes you, and another guy

She could of been deciding who she likes more

Or just seeing where they both went

Maybe she just saw you as a friend and you got the wrong end of the stick?

[shenholds09]

Ha that's funny. I have never done that but I have been lead on like this from 4 different guys, so I think guys do it just as much so don't try and sound like the innocent ones...

[jwheyer]

Thats because you were attracted to the a**holes.. remember that nice friendly cute guy you ignored.. yeah those are the ones that wouldnlt do that.. but that is our world

[shenholds09]

and the girls that string guys along are bitches. tell the question asker to stop talking to bitches, and I only ignore guys that aren't my type

[Iamnobody]

Some girls are just attention whores. It's an age old problem. Best not to get involved. There's always a better girl somewhere!

[emzy-89]

Of coruse some guys and girls string people along. I haven't ever done this, and if a guy thinks I have it's only because he has blown by actions/words towards hom way out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

Of course some do, some men do too.
Some people genuinely like using people like pawns in a game. Sad, but true.

I've never strung anyone along, but I've been strung along quite a few times. It's not fun.

[Anonymous]

I don't think this, I know this.

[DanteSparda]

yeah man.. I'm going through this :(

[Nicki_Minaj]

Not that I know of.