Why do girls string along guys?

Question

Why keep stringing along a guy you have no interest in? You want his attention but not him... makes no sense to me.

I would not even for a second try to lead on a girl I didn't like because I wouldn't want her hanging around me. Know what I mean?

There is this girl that is doing it to me. She's made it clear that I'm not her type and that she doesn't want to date me. However she flirts like crazy, we hang out all the time. We even fool around on occasion.

I have asked many people about this and they all give the same answer. That she just wants my attention but is not interested in me. Obviously if I'm getting this answer from so many different people (girls) then there has to be some truth to it, but for the life of me I don't understand the reasoning of it.

Everybody always says to me to just leave her and forget about her because she's treating me so badly... from the outside its easy to say that. From my point of view, she's my best friend and I'm hopelessly in love with her.

I know nothing will ever come of it, I just want to know why she does it. What's the point?

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

I have had guys do this to me. Not all women do it, some women and some men do it. So please don't generalize.

As to why, there are many reasons. Some guys like to be dumb and string a girl along because they can. That rings the same for some girls. Some girls may do it because it gives them the sense of power and makes them feel sexy. Some people do it as a power trip, or as revenge for someone doing it to them.

But in your situation, and I guess every one else's situation where they are being led on, it's time to stand up for yourself and not take it anymore. Don't let someone string you along. I know you like her, but seriously, why are you wasting your time? She has already told you that you are not her type and this is obviously causing you some problems or else you wouldn't be asking about this. So I would cut her out of your life. I know it's hard, I have been in your shoes before. But the best thing to do is realize why you are doing this. You deserve better, that's why! But you will only get better things if you put yourself first!

Stop hanging out with her, stop calling/texting and IM'ing her. Don't flirt back, realize that it's just a game to her and stop feeding her need for attention. I'm betting once you stop giving her the attention, she will move on to someone else. I know that is going to hurt you because you like her, but seriously it just goes to show how stupid she is being. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm trying to make you realize how bad this situation is for you. You are giving so much of yourself in this, and she is giving so little.

Please take a hard look and realize that this is not something you should pursue anymore!

CatholicVirginia · Accepted Answer

I don't string guys along. However, I don't tell them to go away either. I don't want to be that girl who thinks she has to either date the guys or not see them - I don't mind being your FRIEND. I won't encourage your flirting, but I WILL encourage spending time with you and being friendly. Sometimes, guys see what they want to see and still think I'm interested. Not my fault.

Also, some girls just like to flirt. It's fun. She's told you she doesn't want to date you - if you're sticking around, it's your fault. She thinks you're okay flirting and playing around, because you KNOW you aren't going to be in a relationship. She's not going to chase you away, because you're not doing anything wrong. If you choose to have hope, it's not her problem, nor her promise to fulfill. She likes you well enough and she's been straight with you. Anything extra that you want that you aren't getting is your fault, because she told you she won't date you.

Think about the movie (500) Days of Summer. It's like that.

Also, I agree with everyone else. Some girls are just horrible people and like the attention, and will use anyone to get it. But that's not always the case.

chipmunkgrl · Accepted Answer

Trust me your not the only person, girl or guy, to have this happen to them... the reason y this girl is stringing you along is because she's afraid of being alone... your a convenience to her. She doesn't want a commitment or a relationship but she wants all the benefits of a relationship... Also she  could just want the attention to feel like she's got at least one person who's interested in her because she got such a low self image of herself that she needs someone else to tell her or show her otherwise... just be careful not to get hurt, because if she's made it clear that you aren't her type then all your going to wind up with is crushed hopes and a broken heart...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've had the exact same problem when I was younger. One girl REALLY did this too me BAD.

She's a **** to treat you like that. But your an idiot to let her do it to you. I know it's easier said than done because an irrational part of your brain is very attracted/turned on by the possible notion that you might get in her pants. You are hoping, that just maybe you still have an angle and her saying "I'm not into you" is really not to be taken at face value.

There is one of two things you can do. Ideally, I would hit on and go out with other girls and IGNORE her at all costs. This is the most ideal situation. If she starts giving you attention just be straight up "wanna f***?". Yeah actually say straight out you want sex. Chances on her she will get creeped out but that's fine. Get her to ignore you. Because this game she is playing is torture.

Option 2. So you can't ignore her flirting. Call her out on her behavior. Be straight up on honest to her wanting only your attention and nothing else. Tell her you are not interested in being the chump friend.

Obviously I would like to see you go with option 1.

Again this has been done to me. It's REALLY sucks. I know. But you can't keep letting it go the way it going.

QuantumLeap · Accepted Answer

I was in a similar situation. It hurts, but it feels so much better to move on. I believe both parties are to blame. The girl who strung you along for her selfish reasons and the guy who let it happen to himself. We all make mistakes and it is up to us to choose the right path. I use to get angry at the girl for leading me on. I cut her off and that was the best thing for me. It maybe different for other guys who decide not to cut them off. At the end of the day it has to be you not her/him that will dictate how you feel. You cannot change selfish people (women & men), they will hurt you no matter what because of their lack of empathy. Do what you need to do, to make yourself better. If you need to cut them off, do it. Wish the best for them. Because the best will come back to you. I stopped hating the girl who strung me along, because the hate and anger will continue to the next girl I date. Not everyone is the same. Stop limiting yourself, there are lot more beautiful people out there in this big world. Stand back up, brush off the hurt, and feel good about yourself. The right girls/women can sense a man that feels good about himself. Because she knows that you the man will make her feel good. You feel me.

udolipixie · Answer

She's not stringing you along.

"She's made it clear that I'm not her type and that she doesn't want to date me."

Your situation is basically like a guy who likes having sex with & hanging out with a girl but doesn't want a relationship with her and tells her so.

He's not stringing her along either.

In both cases their intentions made clear.

If she didn't tell you her intention & made it seem like she was offering what you wanted then she would be stringing you along.

However for girls that do string along guys they do so because they want attention from the guy not the guy.

Just like guys who use girls for sex they want sex from the girl not the girl

siquetumeamaste · Answer

This girl sounds really sick. In the beginning when a guy expresses interest in me, I accept his attention and flirt a bit back. But as soon as I realize I don't like him, I stop flirting and explain that I'm not going to date him. I would never lead a guy on to spend lots of time or money on me. The other people you have asked are right, she wants your attention but not you--to the point where she is being selfish and mean. Just cut contact with her and tell her you're not interested anymore. It doesn't sound like she would make a good girlfriend or even a good friend, she seems to take others' feelings very lightly.

Anonymous · Answer

Because you're allowing it. I've been strung along by my ex  because I was always hopeful that one day he would change his mind and want to be with me. Such a big waste of my time. My closest friends even told me the same thing, because I allowed it. If nothing is ever gonna come out of it, why are you continuing to do this to yourself? You both know that she does not want a relationship so she does it knowing there are no strings attached, and because she doesn't feel any pressure from you. Move on and find someone who will reciprocate back to you.

Anonymous · Answer

Sorry to hear you go through that, I've been there. It's a rotten feeling to be teased like that. You have to set her straight by calling her out on her  behavior . Tell her that you don't appreciate her flirting and leading you on if she's not interested in you, it's disrespectful. Maybe stop hanging out with her, and find another girl. When you disappear like that, her power over you is gone and if you mean anything to her she'll eventually stratch and claw to get you back. If she doesn't, good riddance.

moonlightromance · Answer

it's because we don't want to be mean but we also like it when they compliment us and tell us nice things so we don't like losing that. we also don't wanna p*ss him off so the best way is to tell him that we think he's cute or that we like them so they won't stop giving us compliments that make us feel beautiful when we're down. it's like a pickmeup. we also value their friendship and we know that if we tell them straight up we aren't interested they will probably stop talking to us and we don't want that. we enjoy their company we just don't like them romantically. it hurts when you meet a guy and he likes you more than friend but you think he's and awesome friend and then after you tell him he ignores you and doesn't talk to you anymore...that's why we string them along

shesaywhatkinkay · Answer

Stop her in her tracks and teach her a lesson. She should know what she's doing wrong. But on another matter, don't let this affect your opinion on all girls. You've been hurt, but so have a lot of people. And they make the mistake of letting that affect them more than it should. I'm a girl, and I've been led on before just like that. It happens. The "flriting" and "fooling around", she obviously likes attention and seeks nothing more than a good time. You might even want to confront her about this. She's getting all the satisfaction out of this situation, it makes her feel good. So reverse it and stop wasting your time. Best of luck!

jade_butterfly · Answer

because they have no confdence in them selfs that's why just forget about her in that way she's not worth it she's taking you for granted and she's being a greedy brat

its easy to say it from an outside point of view because you got hear it somehow and so many people tell you casue the message need to get through, you don't have to quit talking to her just don't give her the same attention you're giving her now, I know its hard but its better than taking time knowing its only gonna make it harder she's using you as a safety net like at a circus she wants to cross a tight rope to someone she might be intrested in but wants the safety of knowing that someone is there to catch her and do you really ever wanna get a chance from her knowing you were only secon best to the rest of the world?

sorry I didn't use punctuation

DishLady · Answer

I'm not into stringing people along, so I've got a bit of the outsider's perspective going here. However, having a flirtatious personality is not the same as being manipulative (i.e., stringing people along). I've seen lots of guys smile, chat a girl up, etc. without the intention of stringing the girl along. Same applies to girls. It's just their personality -- it's CHARISMA.

Most charismatic people develop this skill because they DO seek attention. They revel in the attention the way an an actor basks in the spotlight. It's just part of who they are.

There's no point to the flirting. She's just being friendly the only way she knows how.

Yes, it's best for you to step away from her if you are getting too frustrated.

Tamikaze · Answer

She wants the attention and companionship with you but she doesn't see you as boyfriend material.  Guys do that to girls too.  At least this girl was honest with you.  A lot of guys will keep having sex with a girl knowing the girl is never going to be their girlfriend.  I think overall many people believe that casual deals are perfectly fine, but many times one person or the other gets their feelings hurt.  Usually a casual deal is not that casual on one person's part.

dragonfly6516 · Answer

INSECURITY. You're her puppy. She doesn't want to be alone, but none of the other guys are safe. You give her all the perks of a Boyfriend and none of the drawbacks. Cut her off.

Best friend? The "friend zone" is where we (women) stash the safety blanket. You're the back up plan.

AmberChick · Answer

It's unfortunate that you had to fall in love with her.  But everyone is right.  That is what she wants.  She wanted you to fall in love with her.  She created an elaborate situation where you would, and you did, and now she gets to do whatever she wants with you.  Cruel and unusual... maybe, but not so different from what some guys do to girls.

Anonymous · Answer

What you are describing is NOT stringing you along.  You said she "made it clear that I'm not her type and that she doesn't want to date me" so you know where you stand.  In order for you to be strung along...she would never tell you that you didn't have a chance, but she would let you think you did have a chance.  That is not the case, you KNOW there is no chance, you said so.  What you describe here is a "friends with benefits"  You guys are friends, there are no relationship ties and you have sex (if I'm interpreting "fool around" correctly.  Incidentally, in the true definition of being strung along, made to think you have a chance but really don't , guys do it as much as girls.

Anonymous · Answer

I got into the same situation. She told me she didn't like me, so I stopped talking to her. Then she started talking to me and being all friendly, I told her to p*ss off and she got offended and told me I hurt her? I asked her why she got upset if she wasn't interested and that if she really needed a friend that bad and yet she keeps trying. Revenge is sweet, once in a while I will be nice to her but most of the time I'm a jerk and she will forgive me every time. She was not interested, she should move on, I thought that by being a jerk the transaction would be smoother, guess not. She is not interested, I'm not interested (anymore), what's so hard to get?

usagichan · Answer

A girl may string a guy along for attention, even if he doesn't like her. A guy might not string a girl along for attention, but he will for physical affection.

She does it because deep down inside all of us, there's a selfish part of our personality that wants someone to want us desperately, to do anything for us, without us necessarily reciprocating. She isn't yet mature enough to control this selfish part of herself.

wanacot · Answer

Probably something stemming to the simple idea that she does not want to be alone. Some people simply cannot bare to be alone. Where can she turn for easy attention/companionship/etc? To you it seems. And if you're okay with her using you then why would she ever stop? Well, aside from finding a new guy that is...

elena2595 · Answer

I definitely do this with my friend all the time. It's really sad but the truth is it's for the attention. It boosts a girls self-confidence so much. Just knowing that there is a guy that wants you but you don't have to hook up with him is nice. Like I'm always with my friend and I flirt with him like crazy and just have fun but when it gets to that time where we should be hooking up I usually just leave or something cause that's definitely not what I want. But he never gives up and when I'm bored its funny seeing what he says to me and how he acts towards me. It's really evil but it helps us girls out sometimes...

Freetobe007 · Answer

I'm really sorry that you went through this. I would never do something like this. I'm a virgin who's never done anything but kissed and made out with a guy. I'm trying to remain loyal with a good, cleansed, flexible heart no matter what selfish, grimy things the opposite gender does. I hope you can do the same :) More of us should...

MyNameIsJonas · Answer

Your playing it all wrong. Remember its just a game. Why do girls string you along? For sport.

I suggest you keep your guard up in the furture and change your angle. If you tell most girls Flat out that they can have you it is going to make her uninterested.

Jamesward · Answer

I kind off been in the same situation with a girl before except she never ruled it out at the start. I know this is hard for you, but please please forget about her. The more time you spend without her the more you'll forget about her and you'll meet someone else. Trust me , there's nothing worse and frustrating about wasted feelings and realizing about wasted feelings. She's not you're friend if she does this. She's doing this simply because she is bored and sees you as an outlet as her boredom, as someone who will always make her feel great about herself. She's using you on this respect. Trust me you'll find someone better within time. And you'll be glad you stopped it with her.

vancester · Answer

I was with a girl for 4 years... we had 2 kid... engaged and all. I kicked her out because she hit me in front of the kids. I told her several times that would happen. She has been gone for 7 months. I will always love her Because she is the mother of my children. Lately she has been sending me messages that she wants to hang out, maybe date, and that everyday she thinks about me... blah, Blah, blah. She rushed child support before I even knew what was going on... she sends me pictures of houses she wants to buy with me. She keeps trying to hook up but when I advance, she says she isn't sure... this happens every week. She swears she isn't seeing anybody and I can't move on because, I love her, I just think she is stringing me along. I asked her to help me find a real woman last night since she wasn't gonna do anything and because she knew me better than anyone else and she wasn't to thrilled with that... but she acts like she wants me back... I am confused... wtf. !!! help!!!

Why do girls string along guys?

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