Let's keep in touch?

[Anonymous]

I had a lovely first date that ended with a kiss by the railroad and deep lingering looks. I tell the guy that I had a nice time and he says, "Yes. Let's keep in touch and do it again sometime."

To me, "keep in touch" is sort of a kiss-off, though. What do you think, guys and gals?

He's possibly interested and might call again. Have a little faith.

He is not interested and is not going to call you again. Move on.

Updates

+1 y

The fellow finally texted. (Why in the world would you keep a nice honest girl sweating it out for five days?) I had to jump start him with a "How was your week?" (Nice girl code for, "Dude, you *seriously* didn't try to reach me in a week? WTH? SIGH!") He just replied...how his week's been and how is mine going.


Yes...the real question is why I'm willing to nudge this fellow along when there are five other people calling and texting me all week long just b/c.


(GAMES! Argh...)

Updates

+1 y

Finally...chatting...regularly. It was like a root canal, but now he's all chatty, nice, and actually pretty darned sexy. (Oh my.)

[goldgunsgirls]

Down there I read that you don't initiate texts and are very conservative and shy. That's a bad thing. Being a bit shy and hard-to-get (not that you should play mind games) is good, but being too shy really makes the guy wonder if you're really into him, and at least for me, if I was having doubts that she was into me, I would wait for some sort of sign from her before making another move, even if it was simply that she texted me to say "hi", indicating that she's still interested in having conversations with me and probably in me myself, too. Just shoot him up with a text - it's really not a big deal.

Yes, he's probably into you. Even you yourself said that you had a "lovely first date". He most likely wouldn't have said "let's do it again sometime" if he wasn't into you.

[Asker]

I think I sort of did indicate it to him -- for example, I'm shy about touching strangers in general (a cultural thing), so initially, I sort of stopped short of touching him, though it would come naturally to me if I was with...my siblings or cousins, for example. Anyway, I gradually worked towards touching his arm during the evening, and we discussed the fact that I'm conservative and sort of shy, that I wasn't ready for the dating expectations most guys in my area expect ==>

[Asker]

(sex=Date1/"close the deal"=Date2 MAX). It's not something I do.

I laughed/smiled at his stories/jokes, leaned in a little as he spoke, scooted close to him to serve out our dinner (2 shared dishes), which made him smile (b/c it's old fashioned). As we initiated out parting, I said it was a shame the date was cut short, asking if he was really just going home. (It was SO early by most standards.) It made him smile and tease me again. I blushed. I just wonder if he said it to be polite...

[goldgunsgirls]

Well, see, all these signs do indicate that you were into him, and he probably knows it. Mostly because he could tell you enjoyed yourself. So, think back to the evening, and go through the same thought process, only for him. Did he enjoy himself? Did he seem satisfied with the date?

Also, just wondering, did he ask you out or did you ask him out? (If he asked you out, he most likely found you attractive, so that's covered. And if he enjoyed himself, he liked you for you, as well.)

[Asker]

He asked me out and picked the place -- pretty swanky, but also right next door to his office, lol. He seemed comfortable around me, and had fun telling me stories, teasing me a lot and smiling at my reactions, but this often happens with guys, then they don't really call/write afterward, which is why I'm asking tis question. (Since I don't really date often, I figure that perhaps there are signals I'm not understanding.)

[goldgunsgirls]

Well, in the meantime, send him a "hi" text or something a couple days after the date (so if the date was like, two days ago, send it later today or something) - not much bad can come from that, and it'll let him know that you're interested in keeping something going. And obviously you'll be able to tell if he's interested in keeping something going based on whether or not he replies / keeps the convo going. If not, don't worry about it and just move on. But it does sound like he likes you.

[Asker]

Thanks. I did, actually. He had a race the morning after. Today I asked how the race went. He replied about the humidity and time of the race, then asked how my day was. I answered, but no follow up. I'm finding it so hard to read him. I'm not sure if he's just conservative or if he's just not interested. (SO nervous about dating again, I feel a little silly.)

[goldgunsgirls]

He's definitely interested, don't worry. If he wasn't, he wouldn't give you the time of day. Loosen up lol. He asked you out, didn't he? He clearly finds you attractive and probably likes your personality too.

You can probably just wait for him to try to organize another date. If he wants to see you again, he'll probably make sure he can.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yes, trying to "loosen up" (not too loose, though, haha), but I guess I have the "first day of school" sort of jitters to be back in the dating pool after being (married) with the same guy for over a decade...

[goldgunsgirls]

Oh my. Didn't realize you were divorced. Sorry to hear that. And it must be tough getting back into it, yeah. But the key thing is just, well, to have more confidence lol. Not that guys are attracted to confidence like girls are (but it doesn't hurt of course... most of the time it's nice to see a girl with lots of confidence), but it'll definitely make you feel better about yourself, which is what everything is for. You're dating to feel good/happy, right? :)

Thanks for BA!

[Asker]

Confidence is important -- and I have confidence with some things, just not with dating, lol. It will work itself out; just not with this guy, apparently, which is a shame since he's the first gentleman I've met up with in a very long time.

[goldgunsgirls]

Logic usually works well :P. Just look at the situation. He asked you out. He had a nice time. He texted you afterward (even if he didn't text much). He clearly likes you. There's no reason /not/ to be confident.

[Asker]

Alright, if you say so. :-)

Most guys I know (like the ones at the office) would be chatting a girl up non-stop if they were interested, even if it was just to say a bit of nonsense.

[goldgunsgirls]

Haha maybe this guy's trying not to seem to eager.

[Asker]

*Shrugging with hands in the air.* IDK. We only really met the one time. We talked for four hours straight that night, which I guess is something. (I forgot about that, haha.)

Dating...I feel like I did at my first high school dance, and it must totally show. It makes a lot of guys smile because the attention makes me blush to the back of my ears, and even if I think I'm giving the guy a serious look, most times he'll just grin even more. It's truly horrid, lol.

[goldgunsgirls]

Lol that sounds cute. Don't be so hard on yourself. You admit yourself that guys like how nervous you get sometimes. This guy likes you... and are you kidding?! Four hours straight and you're STILL doubting whether or not he likes you? Lol jeez... HE LIKES YOU :P (maybe not head over heels yet loool but there's no reason to be self-conscious...)

[Asker]

*Sheepish grin.* Oopsy.

[goldgunsgirls]

LOL aww. See how could he not like someone as cute as you :P

[Asker]

Lol. Thanks.

[goldgunsgirls]

F***ing games. I hate them haha.

If you're really serious about this guy and getting tired of his games, if you feel okay with it, try actually calling him out on it (not having a go at him though) and asking him where this is going. You're old enough to be able to try to get someone to stop playing games without seeming like you have a stick up your ass (pardon my French :P).

[Asker]

OOOh, you used a WORD! (Lol.) Thanks. If he doesn't follow up within 24 hours, I'm not wasting my time on him. I just liked who he is in general, outside of the game. Dating just messes this sort of positive chemistry up. If he does follow up, I'll bring the matter up when he's in front of me. No use scaring Bambi off before he makes it to the thicket...

[goldgunsgirls]

Sounds like a good plan to me :D. And yeah in person is probably way better because there's no tone of voice over texting.

[Asker]

It's all in the eye contact anyway. ;-)

[goldgunsgirls]

Lol true.

[goldgunsgirls]

Hahaha nice! Great to hear! Congrats :)

Have you hung out with him since this first date?

[Asker]

Hi, Just catching up here.

No, we've been busy chatting/teasing e/o. I figure if he doesn't ask by Tues/Wed, for this Fri/Sat, I'll see if he wants to join my friends for a day trip this weekend. (I've never asked a guy out before. Hope he asks first.)

[goldgunsgirls]

Haha sure. That doesn't sound like too bad of an idea.

[Asker]

I caved and texted him today since I had two other friends who wanted to go on Sat. Hmm.

[goldgunsgirls]

Hahaha it's fine. Not a big deal. In fact it might even be a good thing cause it really shows him you're interested (whereas you already know he is since he asked you out first).

[Asker]

I guess. Wow, I feel like I got shuttled back to high school or something. Sigh.

Right on cue, my boys (Maroon5) hit the airwaves with "Payphone," lol.

[goldgunsgirls]

Hahaha true :P

I don't get it...?

[Asker]

It's that song where the guy rues the fact that he's been in lala land splurging on this girl, who won't give him the time of day...

Anyway, I was loggin back on to say "D*mn, it worked!" More later. Have to get back to the salt mines... (Grinning uncontrollably for about an hour now.)

[goldgunsgirls]

*sigh I don't get the salt mines joke either :(

But ha ha glad it's working out for you! :D

[Asker]

Aha -- because I'm twice your age, references are "old lady" references. "Salt Mines" = "Office Work"

[goldgunsgirls]

Lol ohhh okay. But it's really cute how you were "grinning uncontrollably for about an hour" :P

[Asker]

Lol.

[Longshot]

If it was a meaningful kiss and lingering looks, I would say it's not a kiss-off. However, he may be unsure of your feelings or is the type who likes to takes things slowly. When the time is right, you may need to text him; tell him you had a great time; want to see him again; and you would like to take him out.

You can easily overanalyze the situation, but for now you should a 2nd date is in the picture.

[Asker]

I don't (initiate) texts with guys anymore. It was bad news for me. (Long story.)

Meaningful kiss? Hmm. Lingering "European kiss" (just the cheeks). But we stood there just to do it again. I'm REALLY conservative/shy.

[Longshot]

OK no texts for whatever reason. Why can't you call him and say omething like "Listen I had an awesome time with you and I am interested in getting together again so can I take to you (Fill in: movie, dinner, drinks) this weekend. My treat."

[Asker]

No, I don't do that. I've done it before, and time and again the guy just brushes me off, often in a rude way. I don't like to be treated that way, so I just don't initiate calls/texts at this point. If I know a guy and we've been around each other for a while, I'll initiate, but even then the guy doesn't seem as interested if I'm the one initiating the communication.

[Hey-you]

I think you shouldn't just base it all on that one line. Did he seem interested during your date? Attentive? Are you guys still talking? I think the surrounding circumstances would indicate what he really meant.

[Asker]

We just met yesterday. He was nice, yes, attentive, but mixed message that he wanted to go home early, then explaining it was for his race this morning. We dawdled a little at the train station, but ultimately had to part ways. I haven't been around an attentive guy (who didn't just want to shag within hours of meeting me) in a really long time. It was nice. I'm just not sure what that meant. Maybe "I'll be in touch" like "don't bother me"?

[yauch]

He just sounds unsure - he's not committing to a 2nd date. But he wants the option of it.

Its possible he has something else - or someone else going on in his life.

[Asker]

That was my thought. If he said "let's try this again next week" or something with a timeline, it would indicate an actual interest...

[Longshot]

@Update: Good to hear, but you should learn something from this too. He may be the kind of guy who either 1) takes time to get comfortable with the girl he is with or 2) you may need to take the lead from time to time to move the relationship along.

[Asker]

Just saw this now. :-)

Yes! Part of it is that he's not from here. City guys readily kiss-off with a quick/cavalier brush-off, "Let's keep in touch." So when he said it, I tht he wasn't interested, which was sad because he's the first guy I've actually liked in a while. Midwestern charm and manners ROCK, but a city girl needs to acclimate to the difference of being w an actual gentleman like this guy. He's got a cute "bad-boy" sense of humor accompanying the good manners + brains. It's all good. ;-)

[islands7]

Guys are easily distracted by work, food, play & other gals on line. Until you become more important than even "lingering looks", guys get confused during the week who's who and what's what.

Perhaps you set up some post-date on-line "meets" every other day, then see if he wait that long ...

[Asker]

Post-date meets? I set one up and he offered an inconclusive/noncommittal rain check for "another time." It's not that I'm impatient for attention, but that the general pace/status quo on the site is that the guy either harangues you with interest or he is silent = "move on, girl" -- whereas this one is unnervingly hinged in the middle. I say "fish or cut bait..."

[AlwaysBelieving]

It depends how he said it.

[Asker]

For instance?

[AlwaysBelieving]

"Keep on moving people, nothing to see here"