Do girls slow you down from reaching your goals?

[Anonymous]

I feel like the few relationships I have been in led me away from my own path as I was more worried about providing for her needs. When I am single I am more focused on things I want to achieve personally. Also it seems like the more I progress toward my goals, the more women I have to choose from. It seems women there are women always available to me, but my goals are more important. I feel like I am always choosing between my goals in life and the personal satisfaction of a relationship.

I am thinking I want to settle down soon, but I am also worried I won't go as far in my career if I do it too soon.

[Indie98]

Sometimes it may feel like it but you see there's a difference between having a girl as a companionship during your journey, and one who solely has no life and wants to be in a relationship. You can be dating someone, but she'll admire that you have goals and things to do, because she too has things that need to be completed. She knows you have a life but she won't need you to be there twenty four seven because a guy who has things to do is a turn on. Makes seeing each other the next time worth while, right ? You need someone who complements you, not someone who drags you down. So to say, find a girl who also has goals & has a very practical, busy life that won't always be dependable on you to keep things going. Besides, when you meet up the next time, you guys will have something to talk about as opposed to someone who pretends to have a life and pretends to be busy & has nothing going for her except you.

[bobbi789]

I think a lot of people feel this way, but I disagree with the way you've worded it. From my perspective, it's not that girls slow you down from reaching your goals, but rather that a long-lasting and meaningful relationship isn't one of your goals right now.

At this point in my life, preparing for graduate school is my main goal. I'm taking advantage of my youth so I can focus on myself, much like you are. Meeting a good guy would be nice, but it's not something I'm focusing on right now. A relationship would be distracting, but I can't blame the guy for slowing me down, much like how you can't blame a girl for slowing you down. We would -choose- to get slowed down if we chose to get involved with the opposite gender. We can't blame the other person, it's our own decision.

[kereru]

you're responsible for your own future, don't blame your short comings on us.

Women aren't accessories and commodities, if your only purpose in forming relationships is to use that person (whatever gender) to enhance your life and give you pleasure then everyone is holding you back

Friends, will sometimes need your assistance, need you to listen to their problems and devote time and energy to caring about them when you could be focusing on your personal goals,

And family, what a pain in the ass they are, they ll regularly interrupt your life plans by having the audacity to get sick, get in trouble and occasionally die.

Really the only way to stay focused on you is to do away with human relationships altogether or just practise being an a**hole.

[aliciaxx]

I LOVE this answer!

[TheDigitalSaint]

Absolutely they do. I own my own business. Girls demand a lot of your time, even the non-needy types. Girls also cost money, money that you could use further your education, invest in your business, or put in stocks, etc.

You need to see girls in the proper light. Girls are an unnecessary, but sometimes pleasant, luxury. They are to be avoided until you have the rest of your life in order, as they will not help you build your business, further your education or otherwise make you grow as an individual. God forbid you should get her pregnant! Women come with very inherent risks and will cost you if you don't play it smart.

Put YOU first, girls second. If you don't have your game in order, step up your game and ignore girls. Once you have your life in order, you have girls on YOUR terms. Never let girls have relationships on HER terms, because your other life plans will suffer if you do.

[Asker]

I think you are 100% right.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Think? My friend, I am 100% right. Girls are a distraction with a capital D. My own business thrives most when I ignore girls. If I'm going out with a girl two or three nights a week, I get less sleep. I spend money on dates. I am more tired and less inspired at work. I can get away with that because my business is large enough that I make good money. If you're just getting started, avoid girls until you can get your act in gear. What do you do for a living/go to school?

[Moloch]

Possibly one of the best things I've seen you write.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Where most guys fail is they let girls have relationships on the GIRL's terms. Absolutely a massive and irreversible mistake! A man needs to make enough money and set time limits on his girl's access, that way he doesn't lose sight of making his way in the world. Like I said before, girl's need to be viewed as a luxury, that is, something that might be nice after you've gotten the rest of your game straightened out.

[Anonymous]

www.blowmeuptom.com

Check out Tom Leykis.

link

He talks about it all the time. I have my life in order and only have girls for FWB. Never, ever, have a girlfriend, as they won't support you in your goals. Girls care about how you affect them, not your dreams. FWB is the way to go, because that way you aren't wasting time, emotion or money on the girls. Get the sex you want, but without all the drama.

Remember, the most important person is Y-O-U.

[toulouse]

@I feel like I am always choosing between my goals in life and the personal satisfaction of a relationship

i think _most_ people Women and Men, feel that way.

the competent ones re able to harmonize love& work. the rest continue to bitch about how draining relationships are, and tergiversate over love&work.

the latter, sport f*** till they are too wrinkled to attract any team players. the former have power relationships.

you suggested to a poster, that you are not blaming the women. I think that is dishonest. You know very well you, did not post, "Do relationships, slow you down"

You posted "Do girls-not even women lol girls- slow you down from reaching your goals. Not relationships. "girls".

If you can't find someone who has their own goals & respects yours, then perhaps you _want_ a diversion.. an excuse for ot succeeding, just in case. Women work very hard & they respect work. If you settle with someone who you think, is in your way, you can't blame -her.

[Asker]

I think you are probably be right on a couple of points... I used the word "girl" to refer to a relationship more based on sexual attraction. It would probably be even beneficial to my career to date an older woman who I find moderately attractive and who is in the same field as me. Women have been doing this to advance themselves since the beginning of time. Now that more women are in higher positions men should be doing this as well.

[Moloch]

I think they do. Look at most disgruntled men in your family that wished they could've achieved more. In most cases if you ask them what happened, they'll tell you they were fooling around too much. Like what TheDigitalSaint said, women are a luxury and should only be used to enhance an already successful lifestyle. If you aren't heading in the right direction, I suggest you avoid women altogether and focus on what you need to accomplish. Women demand a few resources: money (gotta take them out on dates, they won't pay), mental energy (can't focus as well on what you need to get done because of distractions) and most important of all, time.

[TheDigitalSaint]

I co-sign this comment. A quick inventory of unsuccessful guys and you'll see a pattern of them spending time with girls that they shouldn't, or they were spending time with girls that were just okay, but the timing wasn't right. The most important you focus on is getting what you want, not what a girl demands.

[Moloch]

That also goes for women too, how many women have you seen in the family that could've accomplished so much more but ended up finding a man and stopped pursuing their goals? A lot. They have children, get married, do the whole she-bang. Most of the women in my family have this same sad story, as do most people.

[ImperfectDVM]

They can if you let them and vise-versa.

That is why I choose not to date right now.

I can't focus on too many important things at one time.

May of my relationships have set me back.

It led me to the conclusion that I am not ready to date right now, I can't handle it.

It's too much, right now.

So, there are times you will HAVE o choose between you or her.

Don't rush yourself. There is no need to settle down if you're not ready.

[kirstentaylorc]

When you find the 'right,' person then you'll be more apt to reaching the goals you have set for yourself. I say this because your significant other should encourage you to go for your goals rather than hold you back or distract you. My last relationship was like the relationships you speak of and that's exactly why I ended it. The person you're with should be a positive aspect to your life, not negative. Good luck :)

[HannahC]

lol that reminds me my brother his junior and senior year when he was working hard was just like "girl are annoying I'm going to work on schoolwork" for 2 whole years. I never thought a guy could be so disinterested in girls. But he has a girlfriend now so no worries. He put girls after his goals though. Goes to a very nice college now so I guess it was a smart move.

[watisgoingon]

I think so. being in a relationship takes a lot of time and effort. in my opinion its pointless unless the girl is in the same boat in which case she won't be annoying or clingy.
but I haven't found a girl who is as busy and career oriented as I am.

[gonyr]

relationships don't slow down/end your goals, bad relationships do

A good girlfriend (and boyfriend for the girls) is one who understands your goals and pushes you to achieve them.

[m21irby]

You your completely correct there. There has been a few girls that have always pushed me to achieve my goals and to never back down.

[lenny25]

Dude don't let anybody shut you down for feeling that way. To me it sounds like it's just the matter of the right person who share the same goals and ambition. Sometimes "MOST" girls aren't trying to get anywhere other than have fun and easy life. Just go solo bro.

[sweet_18]

Well maybe you have been letting yourself go when you're in a relationship. Don't blame it on the girl

[Asker]

That might be true, but is that human nature because it seems like I have no control over it? When I feel I am in love, everything else takes a back seat... I think it requires a certain amount of dedication to move up in the world, and it is difficult to balance that with a relationship. I am not blaming the girl either, it is just a pattern that I noticed in my life.

[sweet_18]

well when you're in a relationship, set tangible goals for yourself and make sure you are working to achieve them

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Hell yeah, its all about what you want. If she ain't with it Drop her ass.

[melsmo]

A real woman will understand and support a man and be considerate of what he wants and pursue her own dreams all others need to find a job! And the same applies for men...if you're not supporting than you're out! Good answer :)

[abundantlyrich]

relationships cost money, focus and time and sometimes joy or happiness - whatever gives

[Anonymous]

If you're terribly preoccupied with finding one and keeping one, sure. That goes for girls AND guys.

[Anonymous]

i hate how being driven, having goals, is more of a masculine thing than a feminine thing

[Mark89]

Yes they slow you down. I'm doing well in life since I started avoiding women.

[Anonymous]

Not if you find a girl that supports you / is always there for you.