Boyfriend looking at girls online?

[nicolewitha]

My boyfriend and I have a pretty good relationship, or so I thought, but recently I found out that he was still subscribed to pictures of girls completely not dressed on reddit. Now, I'm not really controlling or quick to get upset, we've never even had a fight in the six months we've been dating, but somehow it really affected me.

I didn't see him looking at any of the posts, but I saw them on his front page. I didn't want to bring it up because it seemed petty, but it kept bothering me and it made me not want to talk to him or let him touch me because I assumed he'd be comparing me to other girls.

We usually have intercourse at least once a day and basically live together, and I still hung out with him but he knew something was wrong and after two days I finally told him what.

He laughed at first and said it was because he was a boy and that's what boys do. But I'm having a really hard time accepting that because he's a boy I have to accept that he looks at other women. I wouldn't mind if we weren't as active and if it was regular videos, that's different entirely. But these are real girls posting and somehow that feels a lot different and it really hurts me.

I told him that it hurt me and I didn't feel comfortable with him touching me anymore and that just followed with him apologizing and saying he loves me over and over. And I wanted to let it go and believe him, but I literally couldn't stop thinking about it. He asked me the next day if I was going to forgive him and how sorry he was he made me cry and I explained why it made me so upset and how now I think he wishes I looked different or thinks of other girls when we do it, and he denied both of those.

I accepted his apology and I've been back to normal with him, but I still feel so sad. I don't know what to do. We never cleared up if he was going to continue doing it, and it honestly makes me feel like he couldn't love me and think I'm as beautiful as he says if he looks at other real girls online.

Am I crazy? How do I let this go?

And for other guys, what's your input? Why is it okay to look at other girl's nude pictures?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat as you. This is my question: link

It seems like nowadays this is becoming more of an issue with things like webcam and being able to watch p*rn live. My boyfriend paid for a site where he can watch girls of his choice doing sexual things for a bunch of guys all the while they're getting off to it. I do feel cheated on and for me it was a deal breaker. Problem is, he keeps calling me and doesn't want to lose me. He still "loves" me. But he doesn't understand that what he did is something I can't live with not now or ever and I feel disrespected, cheated on, used, and ultimately hurt that he had to get off to "live" girls when I would give him everything for free no less...

I think my boyfriend had some kind of p*rn addiction because he did this way before me and him even got together. But he started to feel bad about it too because I think he realized halfway into our relationship which was getting more serious that it was cheating. But he still didn't stop. He wants to go to couples counseling or something like that but I would rather be with someone who doesn't have this problem.

[Opinion Owner]

The point is that with what he was doing wasn't a fantasy anymore. Those girls were actually doing sexual things for him so it became a line that was crossed.

[Anonymous]

I hate Reddit because of this fact. Every time I look on my boyfriend's Reddit, there's naked or half naked girls. I feel so insecure all the time. I would be more understanding if it was porn, but like you said it's REAL girls. Not celebrities, not porn stars, just regular everyday girls. It bothers me so much. I have brought it up to him but he makes it seem like it isn't a big deal. I understand guys are different and all but how TF is that an excuse? He constantly jokes around saying I'm texting my other boyfriend. Meanwhile I am sitting there Every time he is on his phone wondering if he's looking at his NSFW photos on Reddit. And he's ALWAYS on Reddit. Ugh. I guess this turned more into a rant.

My point is, I am glad I'm not alone in feeling the way I do about it.

[Liv4444444]

I’m going through this right now but we’ve been together for 6 years. Found out he was searching up girls I know on instagram who I use to be friends with. And same with Reddit. I found everything out and I don't know what to do.

[vmw2008]

If it makes YOU uncomfortable (which it would make me as well, it's different than p*rn), then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. He should care enough about your opinions than to hold on to some stereotypical B.S. Does that give you freedom to look at naked men? To flirt with guys as a bar because "you're a girl and you need attention?" I mean there are so many other stereotypical "girl" things you could do that would drive him crazy, and simply being a girl is no excuse for doing them if they truly bother your partner. If he's not willing to respect these boundaries, what else will he just brush off?

[sixstring]

How is it different?

[vmw2008]

It makes it more personal. It's no longer just a tool for a release, in which both people can possibly enjoy, it's something more personal. I'd be much more upset if my boyfriend looked at seductive pictures of girls on Facebook than p*rn. They're real people. It takes it out of fantasyland.

[sixstring]

I wouldn't compare reddit with Facebook. Facebook will mostly be girls he knows, in which case yes I totally understand it's different.

But unless I'm mistaken about reddit, it's random pictures of girls he doesn't know.

Maybe that is more personal from your side. But from ours (or at least mine), it really isn't. We're just looking at people we don't know to possible fantasize.

[vmw2008]

I could see your point of view. I can't say how upset it would've made me, or not at all, unless I was in the scenario. My reaction was more toward his lack of empathy and brushing her feelings off. This is his partner after all, he should care how she feels about things, regardless of what society deems is acceptable.

[sixstring]

Yes, his lack of empathy was bad. But it seemed to me that she was far more upset over him looking at these girls.

[sixstring]

You're overreacting.

Most of us love seeing naked women, it's in our dna. I get that it's something a lot of women aren't comfortable with, but it's something you just have to accept. We have to accept things about women we don't like.

You have to realize that he chose you. Not any of those other girls, you. We like to please our eyes, but when it comes to a relationship, looks aren't the top priority. If he loves you, he loves you for your entire being.

So if you don't feel really comfortable with the idea, fine. But getting this upset over it is taking things too far.

[sixstring]

He should respect your wishes from now on though. But feeling this upset over a first-time offense, overreacting.

[vmw2008]

What do men have to accept that women do involving other men while she's in a monogamous relationship?

[sixstring]

Did I say it had to involve other men?

[vmw2008]

It only counts as equal to what he's done if it does. The sense of cheating, comparing, feeling betrayed by "someone else." We're comparing apples to oranges here unless men have to accept something from us while in a relationship that makes them feel that sense of cheating or being compared to.

[sixstring]

Like I said, feeling like it's being cheated on is overreacting. If she responds in a way that is not typical, it's not his fault. It's no ones fault.

It's his fault if he repeats the offense after she told him how it makes her feel.

[nicolewitha]

Oh, I assure you, I know I'm overreacting according to how I'm allowed to feel in the situation. I'm just having really hard problems accepting it, or coming to terms with it. We're just really open about how we really feel so it's hard to hide and I just don't understand why it's okay for him to do. It's not about trust, or me being afraid he'll leave me for someone else. It's just being told I shouldn't be upset over something because it's what all guys do, and not knowing how to get over it.

[sixstring]

In that case I misunderstood. I thought you were more upset about him looking.

[nicolewitha]

I mean, I don't understand it, but I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt me, I just wish I did get why. I only want to figure out how to get over it and be fine :(

[sixstring]

Well if he does love you, I can say in all honesty that he highly likely isn't expecting you to look like them, doesn't compare you to them, doesn't think you're ugly, and doesn't fantasize about them while having sex.

When I'm having sex, I don't have enough blood in my brains to imagine anything.

He does it because men like watching as many women as possible. I know it's hard to understand as a woman, but that's just the way it is.

[laresm]

hai im in the same both us of you..
i want having boyfriend