Plan date but haven't heard from him...should I assume our date is cancelled

[Anonymous]

oSuppose to meet this guy tmrw that I'm seeing. He normally texts me everyday but I haven't heard from him in the past few days. I texted him on Monday and we texted back and forth but that was the last day we spoke and we planned on meeting tmrw which we planned o. Last Saturday. I'm worried that he may not want to meet up again since its unlike him to go days without contact. And I don't want to text him because I'm afraid he may want to cancel and then I'm looking real eager. Opinion please?

[Tula1]

I think it is important to avoid changing behaviors with guys unless you have to. If you guys tend to text everyday and you sometimes intitiate, why wouldn't you do that now? Just because you have a date?

If you guys text, just talk to him like you always do but don't bring up the date.

Other than that, if someone has never left you stranded, you should not expect them to now. I'd get ready and if you don't hear from him and the plans aren't set, plan to do something else. Someone said that when you are too into the idea of a date, it is good to always make secondary plans in case the plans fall through. That way, you don't end up even more disappointed and you end up not only having a good night but also something to talk about when someone (including him) asked you what you did that night.

That said, it is not unusual for guys to test you a bit to see what you are made of or what you might put up with. He may not update you until the last minute. He just wants to see that you are not a pushover but at the same time you don't make a bigger deal about it then needs be. After all, he has never stood you up before. As well as he may want to see if you contact him. I, also, think a guy may do this because he doesn't want to look desperate himself..he's playing it cool but ends up over playing it and it makes you nervious.

And finally a guy might do that just because normally guys only really spend a lot of time contacting you to get to dating you, as you start to make transitions, he talks to, texts and calls you less. Quite simply, most men are less into these things and only do them at the very beginning stage of knowing a girl, with each change, he may hold back more. Finally, what if something happened that made it difficult for him to contact you or he just needs a moment to figure somethings out.

So, make other plans just in case, it doesn't happen...this doesn't have to be anything major, just something you enjoy doing that won't allow you to pine over him. Is there something you have been looking for a day you can do it? Next, expect him to call and honor his commitments. We should have the best thoughts of people & sensible standards. Try not to think less of someone. Don't freak out over simple changes. If you guys continue dating it is bound to go through different incarnations. I used to talk to this guy for long periods of time when our friends got together, I got a little scared and created distance. I didn't do it for the right reasons & I miss those times we could talk for hrs but I am happy that changed because it made me feel and made us look like we were together. If we are not going to end up in that direction, I don't want to destroy either of us a chance with someone else who might be there too. That change didn't suddenly mean things are over between us. Things have happened since then that has brought us just as close to going in that direction. And finally, don't treat him differently. Text him if its norm

[Asker]

Idk I just feel that he's avoiding me cause he wants to cancel

[Tula1]

I understand how you feel but feelings aren't necessarily the truth. I have spent a lot of time seperating my feelings from fact over the last few mos. Could he be blowing you off? Yes. But unless there is more info, you don't know that yet. It is best to examine your feelings but not allow it to trigger behavior that is unwarranted. You are scared of something that hasn't happened yet. What would go horribly wrong to text him, "Haven't heard from you today. Wondering how you are."

[Tula1]

Worse thing that could happen is he doesn't reply and he doesn't call or show up tomorrow. If he's avoiding you, why waste your time on him...and if he isn't, then you would have wasted time feeling low and misspent your day. You are in as much control as any guy is. You choose as much as he does. Beleive me, I know it hurts but I also understand that fearing what has not happened is not reality. Nor is expecting to talk to someone every day just because you have been. That will change.

[Asker]

I just can't muster up the courage to text him I feel like I will come off that I'm more into it than he is. I'm use to guys pursuing me and I believe that if it was important to him he would have contacted me eespcially when he was the one insisting that we meet up.

[Tula1]

I beleive in guys pursuing too. I also beleive in watching that we don't treat someone differently based on perceived injury. Good luck on this. You'll know soon enough. :)

[asker12344321]

What happened

[Anonymous]

Sometimes my friends don't text for a few days before we have plans and I'm not sure if things are still going ahead or not. So annoying.

The way I look at it is: would I go to this event without my friends? Or am I only going for my friends? And based on my answer I either go to the event anyways and hope to see my friends... or I skip it knowing I didn't really want to go any ways and if my friends miss me then they should have texted me to confirm plans.

So I don't know what your date plans were, but I'd say go if it's something you would have done any ways and hope you see him there. But if it's going to restaurant or something and you don't want to eat there alone, then skip it and it's his loss for not communicating with you.

Keep in mind he could have lost his phone or broken it. If I lost my phone I would not know most of my friends numbers and would not be able to contact them even if I phone a replacement phone!

[Distant]

Text him "Hey! Still on for tomorrow?". What's eager about confirming plans? People are waaaayyyyyyy too cautious these days.

[princes0620]

Well because I feel like if he was really interested in pursuing me he would call to confirm our date

[Distant]

And, if you were interested in being pursued, you would confirm your date.

[princes0620]

But why would he go all these days without contacting me when he usually hits me up.every day

[Distant]

You'll have to ask him.

[Asker]

He could also be avoiding her I think

[Distant]

It's quite possible. Though, it seems odd that someone would ask a girl out then avoid them.

[Asker]

It does but his behavior has changed maybe he had second thoughts

[Distant]

It still seems odd :P