I am a newlywed and really lonely. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I just recently got married in August. We knew each other for over six years, have been dating for over three. I love him so much. He is such a wonderful person. The problem is I am so lonely all the time and I don't know what to do. When my husband isn't working he is sleeping and on his days off I want to spend alone time with him. However, he never really seems to want that anymore. When he comes up with the idea to go to dinner or do anything I get all excited thinking we are going on a date but he always wants to invite my sister inlaw and her boyfriend everywhere we go. I will be thinking we are going to dinner as a date night and he always wants to invite them. I don't mind inviting people out to eat with us every now and then but when we are always over at his sister's house on his days off, and inviting them everywhere we go, I can't help but want some alone time. I guess I just feel so sad that I have to strive for attention from my husband. I am so lonely. Today is his first day off in such a long time so he suggested we go out to eat. Shortly after he mentioned going out to dinner he asked if we should invite his sister and boyfriend. They said they didn't wanna eat what we decided on so we went alone. But instead of having a conversation with me he was on his phone at the beginning of his meal txting his sister. To me personally that is rude and he never did this to me when we were dating. We also rented movies to watch together. Instead of watching them he told me he was tired and went to bed at 8pm.So just another lonely night for me.I just miss him. I am so lonely and hate spending another night up by myself with nobody to talk to. I guess I just pictured marriage differently. I thought the whole point of marriage wasn't so you could be very lonely and spend more time with other people.

I guess I am also very lonely because I am living away from everyone I have ever known. I know barely anybody here. Also, I am a stay at home house wife (not because I am lazy, just job wise things aren't working out as good as I hoped). It's been really hard on me. So what I am asking is do you think it is normal to newleyweds and to always want to invite people on "dates"? Has anybody been just recently married and still feel so alone? I don't know what to do with myself. Please help.

Updates

+1 y

I didn't realize how much I just typed I hope someone reads this. I really need someone to talk to please :(

[Racez]

I'm not married yet however spending time together is like sex. It’s fun and helps in getting to know each other, but it also starts getting boring when you don’t make an effort or if you start seeing it as a chore. It’s an easy way to form a deep bond and to grow together, emotionally and mentally. By spending time together while dating, you realized that you want to get married and spend the rest of your lives together, so it shouldn’t be disregarded as unimportant after the wedding.

A great way to spend time together is by having supper together. This might seem like very little effort, but definitely something to invest it. Instead of having supper while watching TV, rather switch the TV off and talk about your day at the dinner table. You’ll be surprised how communication thrives on just 20 minutes of chatting during supper.

Love making is one of the most crucial factors for a happy marriage. Though initially you may not have an inkling about it, with tensions and work stress coming in, you often lose interest in sex. However, you do not realize that lack of sexual intimacy can affect your marriage life in a negative way. Hence, you have to make an effort to maintain your sexual relationship, as you had in the initial days of marriage. Keeping the romance alive is of utmost importance.

[Asker]

We used to have monthly dates before we got married. I agree even just sitting at the dinner table is great time together...usually it's a time to catch up on a few things. Damn smart phones make that hard. We have great sex just not enough alone time or communication.

[MTBilliam]

I have a strong opinion of what's going on here.. it is either obvious or not so obvious your newlywed life is the culmination of romance some people set as early as right after marriage.. some men ignore their wives needs after a school or career has been established.. other men might start ignoring his once treasured wife after the birth of a child.. its also possible that is he may no longer feel he needs to woo you since he successfully saw your engagement come to it's end after your wedding... Now to address the issue of his sister.. it may be that he is inviting her along on what should be private time a wife needs with the man who married you.. having her come along on what is supposed to be your rightfull private near intimate time together.
I see him using your sister in law as a wall or even a shield between him and the woman he married.. it will be a sad day when you see him taking you for granted.. violence is a reality at some point during this unfortunate situations such as what you are starting to experienc.. my prayers are with you

[tUnE-yArDs]

This is a really difficult situation--I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It doesn't sound like your husband means anything personally against you, but more caused by an imbalance of lifestyles. He's probably exhausted from work when he gets home and you're more likely to be in an opposite state of mind, ready to socialize.

It might help things to give him a chance to miss you for awhile. Not in a manipulative way, but just a way to give him some space or break up the routine so that he can better appreciate having you around day in or day out. Maybe try taking a couple days to visit friends or family, ease up on the communication, and see if he acts differently.

[Anonymous]

First off I am so sorry. I don't think when you are married..especially newlyweds you should ever feel alone. Have you tried telling him how you feel about the whole situation?

I would suggest on you planning a special night and getting everything put together to show him how much fun you guys can have alone and then together you guys can plan somethng that involves everyone if that's what he wants.

I've learned that communication is key and attitude is important.

Hope this helps!

[Asker]

Yes I told him how I felt but he always seems to talk me down from my feelings. Like he doesn't think I am alone as much as I say I am. He works so much I don't even think he realizes how much time I spend alone. I try to communicate with him but he seems to not want to talk about it. Thankyou so much for responding. I will have to keep trying to come up with some fun ideas for just us to do and then the group.

[Opinion Owner]

Anytime! Its hard I know..

[Anonymous]

I can't tell you what's going inside your husbands' head although it is normal for you to expect a single guy dating another hot single girl to be entirely different from what he is as a married man. So what you fell in love for isn't what you get. Further, marriage isn't what you have been told it is because it was first invented as a method of protecting land and later (about 100 years before) morphed into a one man one women religious institution and then a legal entity on the face of "its the best for children". Now I don't know about you, I just don't think that marriage is going to be fun or not lonely at most times for most people. Sure, there are certain rich people who get married and live a fun life but that is very rare that near as makes no difference it is impossible. That said, I don't think that you should leave your husband or anything like that. I am just telling you that accept marriage for what it is and figure out other ways of dealing with your loneliness. I suggest that you start with the basics like going to a gym and meeting people there and making some friends other than your very very very busy husband.

[Asker]

Very good point. The gym would be good if my car was running. I am homebound and very isolated it is very depressing. Thank you for the advice. I'll try to get out more...somehow.

[jimbob70]

find someone to chat with sharing feeling , fantasy , experiences open minded

[LoyalAffectionate]

You need to set goals with him. And then work with him for the goals

[Bear880]

Talk to him about what you feel

[Anonymous]

Dress up all the time for him

[NoToriousROB]

Fuck other guys..