He doesn't care if I date other guys?

Question

We've been seeing each other for only about a month, so I know it's bit early for both of us to talk about 'commitment'.

But we both been seeing only each other, regularly few times a week, and we are sexually active. we act like a couple, it just without commitment.

He even said that he likes me, he cares me, and he's working on this relationship.. He's been the one acting more emotionally, I wasn't really open about my feeling because I was afraid..

and he always told me that hurt him when I didn't say I missed him back or I like him.

I thought he pretty much wants to be officially exclusive, so last night I asked him if he's been dating other girls, which he claimed not and he asked me if I have, I said no. I asked him he minds if I date other guys, and he said he doesn't care as long as I see him.

I thought he's going to say he does care if I'm dating other guys.. He gets extremly jealous though when guys text me..and he is so insecure that he thinks I like this other guy, and when I tell him I need to go home early or tell him I can't meet him up today, he always asks me if I'm going out on a date.

he even gets crazy when I don't text him back.

It's just sad that he doesn't care about me seeing other guys..

Maybe we're not in any label yet and that's why..?

what do you guys think?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I have personal experience with this situation. I dated (my current life of 40 years) and she was honest. She informed me she had another older boyfriend who she saw intermittently when he came to town. I did not ask about their relationship, but it was apparent that it had been ongoing for at least a year and that they had seen each other with some regularity. I was with her nearly every day and stayed overnight at her apartment at least once or twice a week. She told me in advance when she would see the other guy on certain weekends. They stayed out of town but I never asked about the location. It was apparent that she enjoyed his company and their relationship. I had not made any commitments to her and she had a child (who stayed with her mother when she went out of town). So, I had no real right to request that she be monogamous. Nor did she seem to desire any immediate resolution to the issue. So, it continued for several months. At times we would discuss the other guy, and she told me what she liked about him. He was mature and made her feel "like a princess." He apparently was a good lover, and they both enjoyed their time together. So, what prerogative did I have for insisting that she see only me? In fact, it seemed rather "normal" that I would compete for her attention and affection He was older, wealthy and could provide the ultimate security. The situation resolved itself. She decided that I was "the one." I told her that I did not want her to make the wrong decision since I had truly become her best friend and confidante as well as her lover. I also knew that even if she did decide in favor of the other guy we would remain close. There was very simply no negative feelings involved. Nor was there any jealousy since I believed the other man also loved her and could have been a good choice. She met him one last time and told him she was breaking up and could not see him anymore. She said he cried, but he was mature and also respected her judgment. In the end, it worked out well. 40 years of marriage, three children and now four grandchildren. I am a lucky man. Had I reacted to the situation at the beginning and demanded that she make a decision immediately and stop seeing the other man, I do not believe this would have occurred. And, who knows, that situation may have worked out also for both of us. People cannot be treated as property, and if you truly love someone, as they say, sometimes you have to give them up if the situation is not right and they do not really love you. And if it works out for the one you love, you should also be happy about your decision and ability to appreciate their happiness. Time tells. But, please do not consider that the lack of a reaction out of jealousy means a lack of love, or that a failure to demand immediate monogamy means he is not serious. Maybe, like me, he just loves you enough to appreciate that your happiness is more important, and he should be willing to await the settling of your emotions, whether in his favor or against.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

I think he has commitment issues. he wants all the benefits of a relationshipw without the commitment. you want a commitment but give him all the benefits of a relationship without him being commited to you

if I like a girl I don't tell her it's cool if she see other guys unless I myself am going to see other girls...That is the main thing you need to keep in mind. NO guy, unless he is turned on by you being with other guys, will say "sure go out and see other guys" unless he himself is looking to see other girls

It's funny you say it's too early to discuss commitment but not too early for a sexual relationship. If you like this guy and you want him to yourself you need to have the commitment conversation. Make it clear that you want to be with him and him alone and see what he says...although be prepared for him to retreat once he realizes you want some sort of commitment.

Betwyn · Accepted Answer

From reading what you wrote...

He does care...

But he thinks if he tries to hold you to just him, he will lose you...

He is hoping that in sharing you now, he will win you later..

Or at least get some right now rather then losing you outright.

Do you want to date other people?

why-makoto-kun · Accepted Answer

I think this guy is confused. If he is so possessive and jealous and attention-seeking, why wouldn't he mind if you saw other guys? Give it time and get to know him before you take things any further...

Amanda2 · Accepted Answer

He cares he just doesn't want to feel less of a man and because of his ego he says No, he doesn't mind if you do. Action speaks louder than words

stubbsy · Answer

He does care, he's just saying that so he doesn't sound to needy and he doesn't want to spoil anything you both already have, so really, you should tell him that you don't want to date other guys, you just want to date him, see if he takes the chance in making you and him exclusive. You really need to let him know what you want, otherwise this will start to fall at the seems and finish badly,x

NewYorkCity · Answer

If he said he doesn't care that you see or date other guys, he basically shot him self in a foot. If he doesn't care if you date other guys, that means he is NOT willing to work on relationship, meaning improving him self in any field to keep you interested, make you feel protected ( not with muscles lol, psychological protection and trust that he obviously doesn't have ) You chose a tough guy who doesn't know how to control him self and my guess would be both emotionally and physically

Anonymous · Answer

You're f***ing with his emotions, and you don't even care. You won't tell him you like him, or that you miss him. You know he gets jealous, but you don't care about contacting other guys while you are with him. You probably give lame excuses about why you need to go home early and can't see him. Then when you begin talking about commitment, you ask him if it's okay if you date other guys. That's f***ed up. Do you not see that? You are totally playing him.

No_Archons · Answer

sounds like he cares but doesn't wanna admit it

He doesn't care if I date other guys?

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