If she doesn't offer an alternative, is it a blow off?

[Anonymous]

I hung out with this girl once. afterward she texted me that it was fun.

A couple weeks later, I texted her to hang out again. She said she was having a family potluck. Then she added that it would have been a perfect day to hang out since the weather was good.

But that was it, she didn't offer an alternative time. In the past, it took me a couple attempts to get her to hang out, but at that time she offered alternative times so I knew she wanted to. But this time she didn't, which sounds like she's blowing me off.

[barcelona64]

Honestly, I don't think that you can really know for sure if she is or isn't blowing you off. She clearly has something going on and just because she didn't offer you another time doesn't mean she doesn't want to hang out. She seemed friendly so you have that in your favor. Also, this is the first time it has happened.

I would ask her again in a few days or so and if she still is too busy or not offering a alternative time and then not asking you herself, then you can know a little bit better.

[Asker]

well, it's just a bit alerting because before at least she'd say something like "I'm around next weekend". This time she didn't, although she did say that it "would have been a perfect day because the weather's so good, though."

[Asker]

and she did text me she had fun an hour after we hungout. I mean, people don't just text that to be polite, do they? Or maybe they do.

[Arwens-Fire]

If she mentioned "It would have been a perfect day to hang out"...

It means:

A)She is stringing you along,instead of outright letting you know she isn't interest.

OR

B)She is playing hard to get as in...she wants YOU to be the Aggressor.She wants you to step up to the plate and ask her out each time until you guys are SOLID...as in an exclusive relationship.

Hell,even I do this.

Ask her out again,I guarantee she will say yes.She just wants you to do it.

[Exiled]

'she wants YOU to be the Aggressor.She wants you to step up to the plate and ask her out each time until you guys are SOLID...as in an exclusive relationship.'

Not worth it at all. These games are stupid and only the insecure would play them

[Arwens-Fire]

Not necessarily.I must disagree with you based on my OWN experiences.

#1.It is often said that men supposedly enjoy the chase of getting the girl.Personally,I don't entirely believe that...HOWEVER in the past I have been aggressive in wanting to see a guy,and I have gotten dropped as quickly as they showed interest.This has happened more than 3 times.So I caught a clue,and changed my formula.Now I take the backseat,and this approach has worked tremendously in my favor.

[Arwens-Fire]

#2. IMO,men in todays society is extremely LAZY.They put little to know effort in attracting a girl,keeping a girl...anything. (I am NOT referring to the QA)...SO...men expect women to do ALL of the work.Don't even get me started on this with my many experiences.Me personally sitting back and allowing a guy to step up,has more to do with me sorting out who is best suited for me and who isn't.It has NOTHING to do with game playing or self esteem issues.It has more to do with me not getting played

[Arwens-Fire]

or wastingg my damn time with lazy mofos who make ME do all of the work just because I initated asking them out,or planning a date etc.Its an old school way of approaching dating,but that works for ME personally.It may not work for everyone else,but it does for me.But I appreciate your opinion,and I guarantee his girl is taking the old school approach.Good for her.But "EXILE" if you don't want to "play games",then don't.Do what works for you.

[Arwens-Fire]

Please excuse all spelling errors...I'm on a tiny phone. :)

[Asker]

you say that you do this, too. Do you do it because of option one or option 2?

[Asker]

it's just a bit alerting because the last couple times I asked, at least she offered an alternative.

[Arwens-Fire]

Hi QA,yes...I have done this too...but moreso for reason #2.Its a way for me to sort out who just want a fling(just to get in my pants) OR to figure out whether someone truly wants to invest in me and appreciate me for me.Also,I've been played in the past plenty of times because I showed interest was too fast,and then the next thing I know,I don't hear from the guy again.Regardless of what anyone says on this little site,dating is a game.Its all about the push and pull.What she is doing is

[Arwens-Fire]

delibrate.Its going back to the old school way of dating.Either you play along or don't so to speak.Part of her behavior is to get you to do exactly what you are doing now...you are thinking about her and analyzing everything.But don't get it twisted,MEN do this too,but in other ways.

[Asker]

do you think it's alarming that she didn't offer an alternative time THIS time, though?

After all, after we hung out, she texted me that it was fun. Why would she do that if she had no plans of seeing me again? Just to be polite?

[Arwens-Fire]

No,I don't find any of this alarming.She wouldn't say anything regarding hanging out again if she didn't want to see you again.Secondly,she probably wouldn't even entertain texting you again if she wasn't interested.If she texted you that she had FUN,its because she did.I've explained the game to you.Its up to you if you decide to go along with it.Nothing about this situation is shocking or unexpected.Maybe you haven't experienced it before,but her behavior is actually pushing you to court her

[Arwens-Fire]

the old school way.You know,where the guy asks out the girl and makes real effort.That's all that's happening here.As I have said,if you take the time to ask her out again,she will say yes.Guys today are not use to this,but...you can either deal with it or not.The main reason for her doing this is to gauge your level of interest.

[Anonymous]

I don't think she's blowing you off; it sounds to me like she's send you a hint that she wants you to ask her out again. If you ask her out and she says she's busy without giving you an alternative time, that's a bad sign.

[Anonymous]

Then simply offer her an alternative time.