If a girl gives no counter-offer or alternate date, is it safe to assume no to low interest?

[Anonymous]

Background. We met through mutual friends. Started seeing each other more at casual group meets. Flirted. Built up rapport. Eventually I got her number and we started texting.

Eventually. I asked her out and she agreed. I thought it went well. Good vibes.

Soon enough I asked her out again. That weekend she wasn't around. She offered no alternate time.

Next, I followed up again and asked her out on a Friday. Oddly enough later that day out mutual friend invites us out for her birthday that same Friday. The girl gets back to me saying she can't due to said party. Again, she offers no alternate time.

At this point, I'm just going to assume low interest and move on. I'll stop contacting her and won't bring up another meet up again. Granted I'll see her at the party and talk to her but leaving it at that. I'm leaving the ball on her court.

Oh well. I thought I had a green light. I must've read wrong.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Think of your dignity as a non-renewable resource.

If you give up a little bit of your dignity in the beginning, by initiating the interaction and overtly and obviously expressing interest in her, that's a respectable token gesture.

Beyond that point, however, the more of your dignity you give up, the more the other person starts to lose interest in you. Don't get me wrong, women love attention - they LOVE it. She will feel good and enjoy how you make her feel, but she just won't be able to respect you as a man any longer. So, unless you're in the business of running a non-for-profit that goes around making women feel better about themselves, at your expense, you should probably reconsider your default dating routine.

There are two kinds of girls, those with options that most other women would kill to have, and those with options that not too many reasonable women would even really be jealous over. Believe it or not, the former don't actually play hard to get. When you have a Ferrari for sale, there's no NEED to bluff.

Now, for the purposes of saving space, I'm going to go out on a limb and make an assumption. I'm going to assume that the girl you were interested was not the former kind of girl.

Therefore, we're left to consider the latter kind of girl. The latter kind of girl has plenty of incentive to bargain and negotiate with you. So, it's understandable why you might find their behavior confusing. Of course, the modus operandi is never as simple as, "I'm going to pretend I'm not interested in you, and hope you're an idiot." Yet, neither is it extremely complicated. It usually goes something like this, "I'm going to pretend that I'm honest and that I'm not bargaining or using negotiation tactics with you, while simultaneously painting girls who do those things in a negative light in order to create a contrast effect - making you think (1) that I don't do those things, and (2) woah, how lucky you are that you came across the ONE GIRL that's NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS."

So, you're absolutely right, that "playing hard-to-get" is so expected, that's is automatically a given. It's in every form of media that's shoved into women's brains, right next to the sections that remind them about how fat, imperfect, out of shape, and less perfect than the photoshopped model former kind of girls their bf's jerk off to they are. A classic case of inferior goods trying to feel like luxury goods. Yet, this kind of behavior is inconsistent with that quest towards attaining that feeling.

Girls know, either through personal experience, friends, or the media, that male attention is literally GONE with the wind - especially where sex is not involved yet. So, she knows that if she wants your male attention to continue, she has to take affirmative steps to acknowledge and reaffirm your value in the relationship. By her not doing so, all she's communicating is that she doesn't have incentive to do so, because she's just not interested in you.

[WizeGuy2350]

Yes, those are classic indicators of low or no interest, so you need to move on. As you wisely pointed out, interested women will give you a counteroffer.

[Anonymous]

that's exactly what you need to do assume low interest and move on. don't blame yourself you can't please everyone. girls are more similar to guys than you think...admittedly...girls like to play games because we're taught from a young age that we've "have" to in order to have you men properly trained but one thing is true form men AND women; IF SOMEONE IS TRULY INTERESTED IN YOU THEY WILL MAKE TIME FOR YOU POINT. BLANK. PERIOD.

[wallflowervulpine]

"[S]he's just not that into you"

Sorry, but it sounds like she is trying to subtly leave hints that she wouldn't rather continue on more dates. I think she had a good time, but maybe you are mistaken the good vibes from the date, and she felt it friendly, and not much of a spark for relationship. Friendzone :(

[XoXoAng3L]

She's not interested. If she were, she would provide alternate dates. I never "follow up" on missed "dates" if I'm not interested.

[RedSmartie]

Unless she has some form of social anxiety, she's probably disinterested.

[tadpole25]

She should apologize for cancelling and suggest an alternate time. If not, then she isn't interest.

[tadpole25]

90% of the time, no counter offer means not interested or not worth your time

[Anonymous]

Yeah. But don't take it personally. Girls flake out all the time, it is NOT you, it's them.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she's lost interest but just see how she acts at the party.

[Anonymous]

Stick with her.

You definitely have a chance.