Ladies, do female dumpers get upset when dumpees move on?

My ex girlfriend dumped back in December and although it was amicable (she felt it was going anywhere and in all fairness, I took her for granted and never said "I love you" after almost a year of dating).

Anyway, after more than 2 months of no contact, we saw each other at event with mutual friends. The encounter was awkward, but cordial. However, a month later, she was completely cold and slightly rude to me. I later found out that she had been asking questions about my dating life and was convinced I was dating someone (I had in fact been on some casual dates, nothing serious and we are talking about 3 months after SHE dumped me!) Supposedly, she is not dating anyone.

I am not sure if she expected me to grovel for a second chance following our friendly post breakup encounter, or is simply upset that I started to bounce back. I hate to think that of someone I once cared for deeply.

Any ladies have perspective on this? If she was interested in reconciliation, should she not have made a move. I understand she is attractive, gets plenty of attention from guys, and I am supposed to be the "man", but still, I got dumped and I can't read minds!

Gents, please throw in any insight as well.


I found out my ex will be at an event I will attend in a few weeks. Since she was cold to me the last time, I should ignore her. But, I don't want to be rude and stoop to that level. At the same time, I am tired being the one to approach with a hello. Will a simple nod suffice if we happen to make eye contact? It's going to be weird either way because there will be other girls there I will want to speak to (and I am sure my ex will speak to guys too), but I can't let my ex control outings.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Ahhh the jealousy bit. The fact that she's acting cold and rude towards you shows that she cares. There is a saying that goes,

    “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." -- Elie Wiesel

    Hate and love are simply opposite sides of the same coin. That's why we say that there is such a fine line between the two feelings. If she truly didn't care about the relationship you guys shared or you, she would treat you like a stranger passing by on the sidewalk.

    The first time she saw you after two months, you sparked an interest in her. How do I know? Because she went around asking whether or not you were dating. A woman WILL NOT ask around if a guy is dating unless she herself has thoughts of dating him EVEN IF IT IS HER EX.

    More personally, you wrote that one of the factors that split you guys apart was the fact that you were commitment-phobic. As a female, if I really fell for a guy but things weren't moving forward, I would feel as though I was a failure. You dating other women only a few months after you guys split tells her that she wasn't all that important to you.

    You need to SHOW HER that you're in love with her. Refrain from telling her until you're back into a relationship or she'll assume you're being insincere.

    Here's some helpful steps:

    First, stop dating other women. Period. But, if you don't give a rats butt about her anymore then go ahead and get your rocks off.

    Second, ask her for a second chance to take her out on a date. This takes cajones but I KNOW you can do it. Chances are, she'll be apprehensive about entering back into a relationship with you but she'll say yes to a date because we women are curious creatures.

    Third, impress her. Dress nicely and smell good and please please do not take her to McDonalds. It doesn't have to be a 5 star restaurant but she needs to feel as though she is cherished and that you VALUE her.

    Forth, subtly include something in the date that she always loved. Was there a certain band she loved? Buy the CD and leave it on your dashboard. Was there a certain drink she loved? Ask the waiter for it. Trust me, SHE WILL NOTICE.

    Good luck! =]

    • Thanks, ladies for the input. When we broke up, she told me she never loved me, but like I said, I never said it myself during the relationship, even though I really felt when she broke up with me ( I guess I didn't realize what I had until I lost it, and I did tell her this in a handwritten letter shortly after our breakup). I am very reluctant to ask her out again considering I tried to get her back when we first broke up and she said no. Also, I was hurt by how cold she was last time

    • Based on what you're saying in your reply -- I 100% guarantee that she still has feelings for you (provided that she's still giving you the cold shoulder/ silent treatment).

      She said she never loved you? Women say that when they're really hurt and to spite that person -- TRUST ME. If she really didn't care, she would not that said anything at all.

      My advice? Focus on yourself for now and wait for emotions to settle down. THEN do the steps I mentioned above.

      Good luck!

    • Thanks...that sounds better. I don't think I will openly date anyone. If date, I will try not let it get back to her. Of course, I can't help it if I have female friends and such friendships get misreported to my ex. I will focus on self-improvement and appear happy if I am around her. I will also never be rude to her, even if she is rude to me. I won't go out of my way to say hi to her, but nod a hello if we make eye contact. If she reaches out to me then great, if not, I know to move on.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You may be interested in reading my answer to a similar question: link

    You didn't say, 'I love you' after a year of dating? :O wow. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months and he says he loves me like 5 times a day!

    But anyway, we do feel the pain a bit. I think everyone does when their ex moves on, if they dumped them or not. We get that stab to the heart feeling. I left my ex and I was absolutely heartbroken over it but it had to be done (refer to the link). When I started seeing pictures of him with girls it hurt a bit but I could tell he was doing it on purpose so it kind of had the reserve effect. He got into a relationship which slightly bothered me but not that much because I knew it was a revenge relationship, I told people who asked that I knew it wouldn't last long and I was right. It lasted just under a month I believe. He's been single ever since.

    It does sound like your ex misses you alot. Just because they leave you, it doesn't mean they don't love you at all; they just feel like the relationship isn't working out and I'm not surprised she's hurting, you two were together for nearly a year! She's probably a bit pissed off if she thinks you appear to be unaffected by the breakup; going out on dates gives out the impression you're over her already and I think everyone understands the feeling when you want your ex to feel some pain, otherwise you'd feel like they never cared for you in the first place.

    If you're hoping to get back with her, then why not ask her why she's been giving you the cold shoulder? It could lead to her being honest or you could potentially pick up that she still loves you. But tbh, it's been like 3 months since the break up and I doubt you want to go back to a girl who wasn't happy enough with you in the first place. You could probably find someone a lot better who thinks you're good enough for them.

    • When she asked a mutual friend if was dating, my friend didn't want to say one way or the other. He then suggested she ask me directly (which she did not). If my ex was really interested, should she not reach out to me? After the first, friendly encounter, I simply could not tell if she was open to reconciliation or simply being civil/cordial (she originally said she wanted to remain friends after the breakup). Was this a game? Isn't up tp her to tell me what she wants at this point?

    • She's probably too shy to admit to still loving you so she's hardly going to approach you about it. She was probably just being friendly in your first encounter but most likely wasn't expecting you to admit to missing her and start begging for her back though. I'm sure she still wants to be friends, a lot of people want to so I don't think it's a game. It is up to her to tell you but if you want to speed up the process, talking to her first will do the job if you want her back.

  • I believe she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but her ego was hurting when after seeing her you didn't contact her. That told her she didn't leave you thinking about her or her presence didn't affect you in anyway. In other words there wasn't any reaction to this whole thing from your side thus she is curious and insecure now. You got the upper hand now. She is playing a game subconsciously. She probably challenged herself she can have you back easily if she wanted to. This is the vibe I got from her but I could be wrong

    U shouldn't ask her out

    She dumped u

    U are becoming more important than you were in a relationship with her to her only because it looks like "u moved on" and her ego is bruised

    • Mrs Jones, both my gut and mutual friends tell me that your comment is dead on! After she smiled at me and made friendly chat with me back in March, I was tempted to contact her. But then, I couldn't get over how cruel she was to me during the breakup, telling me we could be friends, but that while I could feel free to contact her, she had "too full of a life" to ever reach out to me. She also told me that some of her exes who were married would still contact her for hookups. Continued...

    • No matter how bad you want to contact her don't do it. After all she took the risk of not hearing from you EVER when she broke up with you. You could have been one of those people who hold grudges forever etc. I have been in the same situation and I was responding to a man who dumped me so he can be sure I'm still tied to him in a sense and he was feeling good about it because he could do whatever he want and have me back whenever he wanted but it could be "never". So why would you make yourself avalble

  • It's usually weird when an ex moves on, but only if I still have some feelings for him. If not I would be glad he moved on if I was the one who ended things.

    She might want you to show that you're still interested, but do you wanna be after she dumped you?

    If you still have feelings for her then maybe get together and talk? She might still be into you and if you know you treated her badly there might be something there to resume.

    since she was the one who broke up I don't think she would make a move. I would think that I lost my chance and the guy now hates me/has moved on.

    • ...I didn't want to feed her ego by reaching out to her after she dumped only to be shot down. I know it sounds like pride on my part, and maybe there is was an element of that at play, but I had to go with my gut. Even if she send me a simple "hey, how are you text" or something like that, I would have been prompted to ask her for coffee. Anyway, I don't think she thinks I hate her because even after she was cold to me, I gave her a quick goodbye embrace (to show that there no hard feelings).

  • I've only ever dumped one guy before. I saw him out on a double date a month or so later, it didn't bother me at all. We said hi, I met his date and she was really funny and adorable, it made me happy. I'd hate it if he was upset and not moving on. We didn't date long anyway though.


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