Only ever communicates with me to make plans? Never calls or texts. How do I say it bothers me w/o being needy?

[Anonymous]

I am very confused. He says helikesme... but henever communicateswith mewhen we're away. I have ablast when I am with him... we can talk for hours!... but he never calls or texts me. In fact, when we make plans we txt... we don't even call. Sometimes he replies to my texts... other times not.

I have already asked him and he says he doesn't really like to text. I feel so needy and I don't want to come off as that needy girl... but when you're dating someone I'm kinda used to the cute wake up "goodmorning beautiful" texts... and the how are you? and someone who actually replies!

Does he just not like me that much? I swear, when we're together it seems like he does!

We both work and so we see each other like once a week. We don't talk in between. I don't like that... idk, feels like we're not really dating? idk? I guess I'm used to guys I date txting me all the time wanting my attention... OK not all the time, but at least once a day!

What should I do?

[no_bs]

I think you should recognize that this is a great, independent guy who's willing to wait to see you in person to bring out the best qualities in the both of you.

If you sat around all day texting, what would you have to talk about on your next date?

This is a blessing in disguise. If you really need that one text per day minimum quota filled, you can tell him that it's important for you to hear from your significant other in between dates... but it's best to let that evolve naturally rather than trying to force it. Otherwise, you might trap him into sending an obligatory daily text like some kind of RSS feed.

Just bite your tongue for now, and if things haven't changed to your liking after a month or two, you can start dropping hints. Always reward good behavior with copious amounts of sex.

[Asker]

Thank you! I think this is exactly what I needed to hear. I wasn't sure if this was a sign that he didn't like me... or if he's just an independent guy who doesn't like texting. You're right, I shouldn't force it. I should let it be natural. I'm sure once he likes me a lot more he'll text/want to see me more. We only see each other once a week! I think it just bothers me that I asked a question and he never replied. You're right though. I should chill, huh? We aren't even officially boyfriend/girlfriend yet.

[Asker]

Rawr. Okay. Idk. I'm confused again. Tell me if I'm wrong... I texted him last night at 10:45, heard back from him tonight at 9. My friend asked if we could all hang out/meet each other. He texted back tonight saying hmmm maybe. I texted him back saying I'd call him in a bit. Called him 45 min later, no answer. I didn't leave a message because I know he knows it's me... one hr later, nothing. Hasn't texted or called. Why so socially inept!?

[no_bs]

You're pushing it. You have to swing the balance of power back in your favor before pushing him any further. By asking him if you "can" hang out with him and introduce your friends to him, you're putting him in a position of authority over the interaction. Step back for a sec. He's being a wuss about meeting your friends. He needs to step up to the plate or go f*ck himself.

I don't think he's socially inept, I think he wants to string you along a bit. So give him a taste of his own medicine...

[no_bs]

... and hignore the sh*t out of him for a few weeks. Him not picking up the phone is simply rude. It's bad manners and it's a childish way to handle social interaction. You need to fall off of the map, hardcore. Don't give him the time of day. Make him work for your attention. When he understands that you're willing to walk away, the dynamic will change rapidly.

[no_bs]

*ignore

[Asker]

Wow, do you really think that's it? I mean, I can get that he was busy, but couldn't he text me and say hey, I'll call you tomorrow? Honestly, that was my friend who texted him that... not me. I think it's too early for everyone to meet. You're right. Totally not calling him. I have a feeling he'll want to make plans like... tomorrow. I get busy though... I need to make plans sooner than the DAY OF. I've never met his friends by the way. Why are boys so complicated? He's officially on my nerves. haha

[Asker]

(cont'd) So by ignore... you mean ignore his texts and calls? what if he calls over and over again if I don't answer? I leave Friday for a trip... maybe I'll just turn my phone off! I don't know if I can ignore him for weeks. That seems kinda harsh haha. Maybe the whole weekend though. We only see each other once a week. I don't think I'm asking for a lot by talking once a week. I miss seeing him! We aren't official yet though, maybe that's why he's this way? Maybe he hasn't dated much, doesn't get it.

[Asker]

Updated... well. It's over. He said over text: "I have been thinking about us for a while and I think we should take a break. I have some issues and I don't think we share as much in common as I was originally hoping. Your are a nice person and I don't want to lead you on further." Guess I won't reply to that...

[no_bs]

By ignore, I mean only communicate when he initiates. But it seems that the issue has resolved itself. Yep, you can go about your business now: clearly, those weren't the droids you were looking for.

[Asker]

Sad. I'm kinda bummed. Should I reply to him at all? Or just... not? That's just so odd. I don't know how we didn't have things in common. We had tons in common and we could practically stay up all night talking. I felt like that was a good thing!

[no_bs]

Nah, I'd cut off contact if I were you. He was polite and let you down easy, so give him credit for that. He hasn't found what he needs to be happy yet. It's not your place to try to fit that mold.

[Asker]

I guess that's why you date... find out what you like/don't like. Maybe he really does have issues. Idk, maybe great conversations aren't on his list? Do you thin it's that he doesn't think I'm attractive?

[no_bs]

Not worth analyzing. He probably just has a different type. The conversations were fun for you, but it's presumptuous to assume that he experienced them the same way as you did. Don't worry about it, like you said, you date to find out what you like and what you don't.

[Asker]

Hm good point. He just seemed so happy! He even got frustrated with me because he told his family about me before I told mine. I haven't gotten back to him... I might say I'd be okay with being friends in a few weeks/months.

[no_bs]

He used the phrase "lead you on." Stop playing with fire and let the dust on this one settle before jumping to conclusions. It's anyone's guess what he's *really* thinking.

And definitely wait for your emotional high to come down before attempting a friendship... I have a feeling you may end up getting hurt by your own good vibes about him.

Let him be the one to reach out to you. There's no need for you to invest any more time in this individual.

[Asker]

Ok, okay. Clearly not a person who likes losing haha... bad trait, but true. I gave it a lot of thought this weekend though. He was a sucky kisser, never held the door open, doesn't really drink... idk, he never gave off the boyfriend vibe. I should have followed my instincts and left him (which I considered a lot)... but instead I waited to see if he would change. Yes, that's true. I enjoy spending time with him, but he kind of sucks as a boyfriend. I won't text him. Thanks.

[no_bs]

No problem. Hit me back with a best answer if you found my advice helpful.

[Asker]

Just out of curiosity, what should I do if he texts me again?

[no_bs]

Treat him like you would treat an ex when you have a great boyfriend. You can be civil and respond politely, but I would decline invitations to meet up or allow very much conversation by text. I know my gender well enough to highly doubt that you'll be hearing from him again.

[Asker]

Sad. :/ I'm bummed!

[Anonymous]

I think that he likes you but just doesn't like texting. Some people are like that. The question is, are you willing to risk your relationship in order to find out if he likes you enough to do something he doesn't normally do? If so, let him know how important texting is to you.

[Asker]

No, he doesn't like texting. I even asked him. I'm glad you think he still likes me! I really like him. It's just hard being away! lol. Clearly, I like him a lot ha. I don't think I'll tell him yet. I think I should call him though. I NEVER call. I feel like I'm being a bad "girl" in the relationship... I never call and I generally let him text first... eh, maybe I need to step it up a bit.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like a good idea to me. Relationships are all about compromise. He should try to text more often and you should try to call more often.

[Asker]

Lol yeah, I don't think I've actually ever called to have a convo

[quietvixen17]

I know what you mean. TBH, that would kind of annoy me.

Maybe he is casually dating other people as well. Does he have a very busy schedule (for example, two jobs?) If I were you, I would address it. Shock him one day and call! lol... He might have a girlfriend.

[Asker]

He isn't dating anyone else, but he does have a very busy schedule. Pretty sure he doesn't have a girlfriend haha. I think he's almost ready to make me his gf! Crazy. I should call him... maybe I'm the sucky girl here haha, because I've never called him and the first 4 weeks of our relationship I let him text first... oops? He pretty much works m-f and then comes home for a bike ride every day. He's pretty active.