Does my boyfriend have low standards?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of one year admitted to me (after some prodding) that before we got into a relationship, he considered dating a flirty mutual friend who is known for (and is open about) sleeping around with guys including married men. He never had a girlfriend before and always said he had high standards for girls. That made me feel so special. Then he goes and admits this.

How can a guy with supposedly high standards even consider date a promiscuous girl?

Why do guys give such girls a chance, knowing that they will very likely hurt him?

Updates

+1 y

I hate to admit it but I've lost some respect for him. He always said he'd only date for a relationship. The fact that he considered dating a girl like that just makes me think that he would have dated ANY girl available. Yeah, I don't feel like such a prize anymore - at all.

Updates

+1 y

Nearly everyone gave such awesome answers. I'm so glad I posted the question here.

I understand the situation better now and it will all help me move on. The past is past.


Special thanks to thomasmore (yes, my boyfriend has always said he's so lucky I gave him a chance), siobhan85, kheserthorpe, and Anonymous User. :)

[kheserthorpe]

A: he considered it, he didn't go through with it. How can he consider it? Because he was losing his mind from sexual frustration?

B: contrary to what women seem to think, promiscuous girls are not 'easy' for guys to get. For some guys, they are very easy. For most guys, its easier to get a relationship with a non-promiscuous girl then get anywhere with a promiscuous ones.

A huge number of guys have what you consider 'low standards', so promiscuous girls can actually be pretty selective when they're young assuming they are decent looking.

I'm not sure why you say she'd be 'very likely to hurt him'. It sounds like in the short term she'd be 'very likely to make him feel desired wanted and satisfied'. In the long run, who knows, most relationships don't work in the long run.

[Asker]

You said 2 things that really woke me up.

1) Frustration. He tried so hard to chase me but I was still not ready to officially date him. (He's quite a sexual guy. Gotta give him credit for never doing one night stands.)

2) You're actually right - he wanted a girlfriend badly - and I can't blame him for considering a girl who was so affectionate/flirty with him - no matter her background. He wanted to "feel desired, wanted and satisfied"...and loved. In the end, he still chose me.

[Anonymous]

He considered it - he didn't do it. So I'd say he still has high standards. He is just open about his flights of fancy and the easy sex they could have brought him.

And since he knows going in what sort of girl she is, you can bet he'd have used her for sex and not allowed her to hurt him.

It's one of the advantages of guys being able to date/sleep with girls and not get emotionally attached to them. We can bang the easy chicks and know they aren't going to hurt us, because we're just using them for sex.

[Siobhan85]

He considered dating this girl, he didn't actually go out with her - did he?

I can see how it would hurt your feelings, you felt like you where the 'chosen one' and now feel like he misled you but why let something that didn't actually happen before you where together spoil what you have now? You've been in a relationship for a year so long as your still happy with him and he's good to you then your still special - your his first girlfriend, first relationship right?

I think you should talk to him about it, he should know that your upset and why - maybe he can explain his reasons to you but by the same token, I don't think you can hold something he only thought about doing before you got together against him. It seems unfair.

[toulouse]

i don't see what having lots of sex has to do with being a low standard. a person who likes sex is any kind of a person. your data is completely vacuous.

[thomasmore]

he probably felt it was about time to loose his virginity and he I didn't want to look like a complete looser when he met a girl that he actually liked.

don't be so hard to him and to you. I'm sure he is extremely happy that you not only saved him from that desperate route but he also made a fantastic catch by getting together with you.

[kambo_trick3y]

Any self respecting male with actual high standards would believe themselves to be above a woman like that, not even considered date worthy. Guess your boyfriend doesn't have as much high standards as he initially led you on to believe.

[mshaker]

He has very low self esteem, and self worth.

Sounds like you run the show in the relationship. lol Which is good. But also bad.

[wolf359]

There's nothing wrong in promiscuity.

Also, who says sleeping with married persons is "wrong"?

[Anonymous]

Yes he does