can a damaged/broken man learn to love again?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing/dating this guy for about a year. He won't commit, and he told me he's not ready, because he is still broken from his ex of 5 years. They have a son together; and she has used their child to manipulate him for many years. They have been broken up for about a year and a half now (but they were on and off for a while).

He is very kind, genuine, affectionate and caring towards me. We have met each others' friends and family, but the relationship is still quite casual. None of us has seen anyone else since we started dating.

Do you think eventually he'll learn to trust me? Im scared I'm wasting my time, but at the same time i don't want to give up on him :-( do you think he will over come his commitment issues? is there anything i can do to make him realise I'm not going to hurt him…?

[Hrothgar]

You're better than that, and I'm sure there are other men out there fawning over you right now that you wouldn't have to wait for. The best thing to do is to tell him you how you feel, and, if you want a committed relationship with him, give him a deadline to get over her and get into you or lose you. It's hard to let someone go that you really care about and have feelings for, but sometimes it's best for you and your self-esteem.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

What are your goals in life?

[Asker]

finish college, travel, have a family of my own.. to just be living a happy life. why? lol

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Well if you were eager to get married and settle down, I don't know that this guy is the one for you. I guess what I'm saying is that you have to determine how long you're willing to wait for him to get his crap together. knowing it may take years.

[Asker]

yeah thats true, its already been a year. I honestly haven't met someone like him before though. Besides his baggage he is really a wonderful guy. I guess its so risky not knowing what the future holds. Just don't know what to do :-(

[yaddayaddayadda02]

A year is a very long time to wait for someone. How many more? Considering you're in your dating prime.

[Asker]

yeah thats very true! it sucks though, because he's friends with my friends and its hard to avoid him. maybe i should just cut down communication and focus on myself? do you think thats the best option?

[yaddayaddayadda02]

At this point, yes. I would at least let him know what you're doing so he's not blindsided. Let him know you like his friendship, and wish he was ready for more, but you're not waiting around for him. If he gets his crap together and wants to progress things, you're open to him bringing up the subject, but not guaranteeing you'll agree to progressing the relationship.

[Asker]

ok, thanks very much for your advice. Its going to be hard being his friend but i guess its better than nothing :-) but you are right, i just need to let go for now