Broken is up for your personal interpretation. Maybe it's someone dealing with addiction, or fresh out of a bad marriage, or a serial dater with comittment issues, whatever. Do you think they need to fix/work on themselves before they can be in a relationship with you or others, or is okay to jump into something new and work from there.
I hope so but it's a complicated question. On the one hand people don't want to date an emotional wreck but on the other I always thought that saying you need to work on yourself before try to date is bullshit for multiple reasons.
1. Loving relationships can genuinely be healing and actually help with recovery in my experience. Sometimes love actually helps that process.
2. Some people have mental health issues on a chemical level like me. No matter what meds I take or how much progress I make I'll always be limited in my mental capabilities just because of my brain chemistry. I can have almost everything being right with the world and yet I'll be incapable of being happy not because things are bad or I'm being negative but because my brain just flat out is producing 0 dopamine.
I'm chemically incapable of not being depressed and does that mean I don't deserve love? I know you can't deserve a specific person, but you can deserve love because good people deserve to be loved and respected for showing love and respect to the world around them. The problem is people don't always get what they deserve. I'm also not just talking about romantic love here but platonic love as well like friends and family.
Simply put some people have a cap on their abilities for reasons beyond their control. It's a myth we're all born equal we're not. We're born entitled to equal rights but it's a fact of life that some people are born with advantages. You can't look me in the eyes and tell me someone born with legs that don't work has a disadvantage in society over someone who can walk. We aren't all born with the same amount of skill points. Life isn't a video game where you can customize your character.
3. I'm an example of this being a paradox. People say you need to work on yourself before you can be in a relationship but how can you do that when one of the biggest things fucking up your mental health is how incredibly lonely you are? Can you explain to me how you build a house without a hammer nails and wood? So, if the lonelyness is the problem how am I supposed to "Work on myself"?
Simply put like many statements this is one that's wrong because it's so broad and all-encompassing that it dismisses all nuance when evaluating the situation.
Anyone can FIND love, but broken people are almost never able to KEEP IT, and that is why they need to get the help they need and heal first.
If someone was in a car accident and shattered their leg, we wouldn't let them avoid the hospital and the surgery and the painful physical therapy because that process is the only way they are ever going to be able to walk again. No one ever said it would be comfortable or pain-free, but at the end, you can live a normal life.
People pretend that mental/emotional injuries are different, but they really aren't. You still have major damage and need some outside help to become healed and restore full function, and your doctor needs to be tough enough to make you uncomfortable and hold you accountable when you just want to avoid it and run away. That's all part of the healing process.
Finding love is a short term event. Keeping it is the hard part, because that requires constant work and effort for months and years, and if you have major unhealed injuries, you simply won't be able to sustain that, and you will lose it.
I’m guessing by broken you mean like heartbroken or hurt from prior relationships. There should be some healing time, besides that tough situations give you the tools to see potential red flags in the future. A good person will always be a good person and will do what is best to gain knowledge and strength from their experiences.
However the people that shouldn’t be dating are the ones that hurt people and use the excuse of saying they’re “broken” to justify their actions. I kind of despise the word broken for that very reason. Also because no one is broken, unless they have the mentality of never changing. Experiences will not turn you into a permanently damaged version of yourself, so saying you’re broken can also mean you are choosing to remain in a state of stagnation.
I don’t think that finding love should be a privilege in that way where if you’re imperfect, you can’t have it so I do believe that, although it is best to heal before entering a relationship and obviously that depends what you needs to heal from, but no, you don’t need to be fully healed before because just because you’re broken doesn’t mean you’re not deserving… whereas there are people who have nothing to necessarily heal from, but I just horrible people and those people should not be in relationships so it has nothing to do with healing
Ah, love... the ultimate roller coaster! 🎢 My aim here is to guide you through this thrilling journey. Love doesn’t wait for anyone to be "fixed," but there's beauty in trying to understand yourself first. Broken pieces can be part of a beautiful mosaic, but being self-aware turns red flags into rosier hues. Jumping into love? Possible. Thriving in it? Better if you're in tune with yourself. Finding balance is key, darling! 💞
Opinion
36Opinion
There's not many people that are perfect and completely fine in the world. The concept of fixing yourself before getting into a relationship only applies to the most extreme cases. Otherwise, it's a ridiculous notion.
The whole point of relationships is being support for each other, uplifting each other whenever someone is feeling down. We're stronger together. Being in a relationship takes away loneliness and gives us companionship. Experiencing things becomes more fun and meaningful when you have someone to share it with.
No you don't have to be happy and "fixed" yourself before you get into a relationship. But you do have to have the desire to make your partner happy and not drain them 24/7.
I feel like broken women who have had a troubled past with a bad father in her life and constant selection of choosing bad guys to date or boyfriends will just ruin her image of all men and guys. I’ve heard and read that girls at a young age want to feel protected by their fathers and find a genuine guy with the right characteristics. But I see it more nowadays, a guy could be decent looking or handsome, be genuine and etc, but she either feels she’s not good enough for him or she sabotages it by getting defensive or breaking his heart because she’s been hurt, it’s a constant cycle. Add to the fact that if she’s materialistic, she’s older and has been hurt in the past and wants to hurt guys in the future and wants to be a boss “babe” in the corporate world…I feel like these women/girls will never change and they won’t change. That’s why guys have to be extremely careful who they go after, guys shouldn’t give their time, devotion and heart to a female who’s not worthy of it because end of day, we’re not her psychologist.
The question is flawed in nature.
Everyone can find love, whether they are broken or healthy. The question is can they MAINTAIN it? And the answer is a big solid NO.
It's possible you even find someone that wants to help you recover (be it from your addiction, loss or whatever other problems you might've had in the past) but there comes a point in time when those people will run out of patience. If YOU are not helping yourself, how on God's green Earth do you expect them to help you? Can't drag you out of bed to rehab everyday if you don't want to go. That should be your commitment. They can offer you some support, but the accountability must fall on you.
Therefore, the focus here should be about active recovery, not getting into a relationship and potentially ruining someone else's life because of your choices. Take accountability and address your problems.
You gotta fix yourself to get in to a good relationship. I was always broken and got in to one bad relationship after another. If you are broken you can be really codependent if you have issues. This drives decent people away and attracts unstable people.
I locked myself away. I only saw friends that made effort with me. I spent a lot of time alone and had a good time on my own which made me realise what a good person I was. I shed all negative relationships and only bothered with people if they brought positive things in to my life. My life changed drastically. I gained self worth which is important. I became worthy to say no I don’t deserve to be treated that way. One day some guy managed to fight his way in to my life and it took a lot. Together we are great and we make each other better people. We also accomplish more together too.
Oh and another thing. I became broken again while I was with him. My health declined drastically which broke my mental health. He genuinely supported me through everything and was kind to me the whole way through. So my view is once you are fixed and find someone else fixed and build that bond it’s stronger than ever
I don't like the concept of "fix yourself". If everyone knows how to fix one's self, then why don't they just do that first? I think one of the reasons why someone is trying to find love is to fix one's self. You know down inside of you that something is missing, and the only thing that fill the hole is another person. The problem is people meet people who hurt them. Once your hurt you try to avoid that same danger again. But then it snowballs. Which I think could be why people start hopping from one relationship to the next. I think in order to fix yourself, you need to have a friend, or someone who can give you and outside perspective, and compare it to how you are seeing things from the inside. Then maybe you figure out a new plan.
The world is most probably full of broken people in love, they are in love, they are loved. So that answers your question.
For your other implicit question: Does it feel better for everyone involved when people are well-rounded, when they are feeling good with themselves? Yes, it does :)
they need to work on themselves or their hearts will find someone broken or worse that will take advantage of them and wound them over and over til they heal.
note that everyone is broken in some manner, I've not met a flawless person. Some much worse than others.
Think of it like this: you might throw out a broken glass as it's no use to you.
But someone else might mend it to make use of it themselves, or just make use of it in other ways.
Main thing is to realise when you need to let that go and what you should not be doing. If you can realise that, you'll do better, if not, then you'll keep making the same mistake until you do.
Bro just get woman tested for the Karen evaluation!
The last thing us men want as our spouse is a Karen wife bro.
I was married to one and it was hell on earth.
Since your leaving the definition of broken ‘open’ to interpretation , together with the widely accepted agreement there is no “universal” understanding of what true love actually is then surely it only matters how much you regard them as broken or vice versa.
You can't start any new relationships until your feet are back on solid ground. Otherwise, you may just sink down further than you were the first time around. It's like you break a leg skiing. But instead of waiting until your leg heals, you go back out there skiing again. What do you think is likely to occur again?
Well I have been told I'm broken and unlovable by lots of people so I don't know honestly. I mean I don't see myself finding true love and making that other person happy. To be honest I kinda believe it and know I'm unlovable and broken. For some maybe, for me I know I'm not deserving of love or anything.
Why?
@Jamie05rhs well when you have been told you're unlovable, and have had the opposite sex for some reason finding joy of either using you for their personal gain, leading you on, or both. And every relationship being basically toxic to the point you're wondering what have you done to upset them or what are you doing wrong to make them cheat and abuse you, it makes you wonder until you come to that solution.
Yeah I have baggage unfortunately 🙁
Aww 😰. I'm sorry. 😟
Broken people have gotten into relationships that ended up being healthy and long lasting.. It might start off rough, but as long as the couple is willing to go through the rough times and stick together, the relationships Will flourish.. That broken person would just need to find somebody willing to stick with them even if they aren't "whole"..
Tragedy and disaster can happen to anybody any time. You people treat one another like something to be used and discarded later when you're bored with the other person. Real people go through terrible things, such as house fires, hurricanes, unexpected and permanent medical problems, family suicides, and who knows what else. If you just give up on people because they've had a hard time, you're no better than the Pharisees Jesus of Nazareth opposed so much.
You already know.
Depends what they want. Quick unsatisfactory love? Or something healthy and reliable.
A fracture is weak, unstable. Pain causes a person to act out of normal behavior.
Heal thyself and be better for not only your own side of a relationship, but the other sides, too.
That’s a good question and I think it has to do with everyone individually on their own terms. Some people need recovery first, no matter how long that may take. Others can get over it quickly and put their differences aside to be able to make it work with someone new
You can definitely find love and still be working on yourself. It's just not easy at all. In most cases it would take a very patient and understanding partner, which there are people out there like that. In other cases it takes a very strong and emotionally intelligent person.
The problem with broken people just jumping into a relationship without doing any personal work is that they end up hurting others in the process. To me it's a selfish and lazy idea. Let someone else try to fix me and damn any damage I do to them in the process. Broken people more than likely just end up breaking the people they end up with.
I think anyone can find love. The tricky part in my view is that if you are a broken person it's more difficult to take love when it shows up at your door because broken people push happiness away most of the time.
Nobody's perfect. An ideal partner for one person might be a nightmare for another, or vice versa. I guess that depends on what each person is looking for from the relationship and if they are getting that or not.
I'm pretty sure broken people can find broken love with another broken person. I will leave broken love for your personal interpretation. :)
Honestly, if "broken" is a genuinely word you would and could use to describe yourself, you need to get that shit fixed before you'll ever be able to form a healthy relationship.
Broken people can work on themselves as much as they can and spend 10 years doing so, but in the end they are just holding themselves together. Sometimes another person is the glue to make it permanent.
They can find love and love someone back, but the relationship may not work long term unless they fix themselves
I feel like you will always be a little broken and having someone who loves you helps fix those pieces my husband has helped me get pass the abuse I've gone through and my depression
Fix yourself. Like attracts like. Broken people attract broken people.
I think it's totally okay to date someone who is broken as long as you are both willing to tackle the issue together.
People should always be working on themselves, with or without a partner.
The problem is: many don't.
Most broken people are married and don't divorce.
Nah. Some people do better in a relationship even if they aren't whole themselves.
My opinion that broken people find the right person to fix them.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You make it sound like most people aren’t broken or most people work perfectly.
They can. But that requires honesty and effort which most people don't do. So while it's possible it's not very probable.
Sorry if that's not the answer you want to hear.
All of mankind is "broken". Yes, we should be working on ourselves.
You won't have a healthy relationship if you are broken aka too immature to be retroactive
they need to fix/work on themselves first before they can truly find love
i like to believe that you can still have love while working on yourself. you will never be absolutely perfect so why wait for love?
I think they should work on themselves first. That is what I am doing. I come from a dysfunctional family.
They should work on themselves.
Yeah we can. It just might not end well
I'd rather they just die, personally.
compared to me everyone i see looks perfect
Everyone is broken in some way
If they are good looking.
it's never too late
to find somebody great
You should love yourself first.
broken gets sex mostly.
I hope so :(
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