Guy's Behavior

Can a man with past trauma ever learn to accept love again?

We started out as “friends with benefits” and from day one he was warning me not to catch feelings because he just wanted to be casual. I agreed to those terms.

Over the months, he was the one that started pushing things further. Started referring to me as his girl, not his friend. One evening when we were hanging out, he said “if you told me you loved me, I’d probably like it”. That same night he was saying that if my heart wasn’t in it then why were we hanging out.

by this time I had started to get feelings for him, but I lied and told him that I didn’t because I didn’t want to scare him away since he had said from day one he didn’t want anything serious.

he was the first one to say “i love you”. So I admitted to him that I did have feelings and I loved him too. Because i do love him.

but since I’ve opened up about my feelings, it’s like he gets really wishy-washy. We get along great except for when he acts wishy-washy. 90% of our arguments come from that because it’s like he pulls back once he opens up about feelings. And I told him that I can’t handle the back-and-forth. I asked him why he does it and he says it’s because he’s scared of getting hurt again and he is afraid of love.

he wants to feel loved but at the same time he’s afraid & feels undeserving of it. If he initiates cuddling, it’s OK. But if I try to cuddle with him and kiss on him he says “i’ve not had anybody be that loving with me in a really long time”. He’s had casual sex partners over the years, but he’s not been in a relationship built on love since his ex-wife abandoned the family to be with another man.

i’m trying to let him set the pace of things, and even if it never goes beyond what it is now, I’m OK with that. But I’m just wondering if there’s a chance he can finally overcome these past issues and just accept that I love him. Because he seems to think that I’m lying when I tell him that I care about him.

Can a man with past trauma ever learn to accept love again?
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