How do I stop ruminating about something that my coworker did (e. g. condescending remark) and how do confront them about it?

[Anonymous]

She mentioned using common sense when I was asking her for help with something technical I was struggling with. She ended up helping me, but I don't understand how what we were doing has anything to do with common sense. I was thinking of talking to her in private that her remark bothered me (happened today) but I don't know how to go about doing it. This is not the first time she has said/written something condescending. Last time, she wrote something condescending to me... comment saying I am going to take several hrs to do something (that only takes me like 30 minutes to do)... I shared that message with trusted coworker and they agreed it was condescending.

How should I confront her and establish boundaries?

Thank you in advance.

[DishLady]

First... nice word choice...

To the question... you stop "ruminating" by just lining up the actions and switching that off by shifting into "fix it" mode to address only the issue itself.

Her tone is certainly an issue in and of itself. What I'd do there is just make note of the condescending interactions and set that list aside for HR in case it persists and hits a boiling point. If she's doing it to you, she's doing it to others as well.

About confronting her, if you see that this is a persistent issue spanning over, let's say, a month, then you can mention it to her privately, however be prepared for some backlash. If you get backlash then you'll have your report for HR ready since you've been saving those communications within that timeframe.

Hope this helps.

[Asker]

Thank you. Yeah, this is a persistent issue.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. You have to work with this person, so let it slide.

[Asker]

That is what I used to do, but this has been going for years. She kept making excuses to train me on a tool too.