How to deal with an older insecure relative?

[Anonymous]

For context: my aunt is around 30 years older than me. Though we don't live together we're closely connected and meet each other on a weekly basis. She is the most academically successful person in my family who holds a PhD degree. In my country, getting admission into PhD is hard and one has to clear a really difficult exam which very few people qualify every year. My aunt always held pride in qualifying that exam and I understand her sentiments. However, recently I qualified the same exam though our areas of specialisation are different. My aunt was never very fond of me but she could tolerate me. However, ever since my results have come out, she has started hating on me. At first it started with her acting like I'm invisible, she talked to everyone in my family except me. Now, although she doesn't talk to me she tells people that the exam has turned faulty and they're giving access to literally anyone nowadays. She has also told my parents that she is sure I'll never be able to complete my PhD thesis.

I feel very uncomfortable around her and her words are making me doubt my capacities. It's true that I was never an exceptional student and I worked really hard to crack this exam. Any advice on how to deal with this situation? Thank you!

[ohsheeT]

Time out girl... Wait a minute wait a minute your exam and who you are is your choice and who you want to be and that person has worked her butt off to do the things that she is doing. .. just because your aunt says things that might not be true.. it doesn't matter this is about you this is about what you want this is who you are


Understand when we were born we are all given a gift and that gift is choice we get to choose who we want to be in life but the things that we say and we do.

You are fulfilling your dream it doesn't matter what she says it doesn't matter what she thinks because it's not about her it's about you

And I will tell you something else do not let her bother you because you are the only one in this world that can judge you and it truly means something

30 years apart of course the test is different because people have gotten smarter they word it differently 30 years is a long time things have been perfected.

I'm sure it was hard when she took the test

And I'm sure it's the same exact test it's just worded different and it doesn't matter about any of that the only thing that matters is that you pass that test just like she did nobody can take that away from you you're the only person that can take that away from yourself don't do it you can't allow people to bother you
Right now you're being challenged you're challenging yourself do you give in to feed her ego or do you succeed fulfilling your destiny

The thing is is when you do get your PhD she's going to look at you and she will change everything about herself she will take you under her wing she will become closer to you

Maybe you're taking it wrong maybe she's trying to tell people in your family don't get your hopes up high it's a very hard test maybe that's what she's saying she's just not saying it right


But it doesn't matter you have to prove yourself to you and nobody else forget what other people say what other people think

And stay away from people that create drama around you because those are the people that will hold you back and get into your head and make you think the way you're thinking right now stop it just stop push it all the way push it to the sides and keep going forward do not stop until you get what you want


you're the only one person in this world that you have to please and make happy and that's you she still was the first one in your family to do so but guess what you're going to be the second one and guess what when she's retired you'll still be working and then you will be the first one it doesn't matter what people think or say or do it only matters what you think do not allow anybody in this world to ever change you by their words do not allow them to get into your head love yourself love what you're doing and succeed it's okay to succeed it's okay to be good it's okay to work hard to get what you want don't stop just keep going

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really tough situation you're dealing with, girl. I can't imagine how frustrating and hurtful it must be to have your own aunt acting that way towards you. It's totally understandable that you're feeling uncomfortable and doubting yourself.

First of all, I want you to know that your accomplishment of passing that difficult exam is amazing, regardless of what your aunt says. Getting a PhD is no small feat, and the fact that you worked so hard to get there is something to be really proud of. Don't let your aunt's insecurities take that away from you.

As for how to deal with her, I would suggest trying to take the high road as much as possible. I know it's not easy, but try not to engage with her when she's being negative or putting you down. Respond with kindness and maturity, even if she's not reciprocating.

You could also try talking to your parents about it and see if they can help mediate the situation. Maybe they can give your aunt a reality check and remind her that her behavior is inappropriate. Sometimes having that outside perspective can really help.

And if the negativity continues, don't be afraid to set some boundaries. You don't have to subject yourself to that kind of toxicity, even if she is a relative. Maybe limit the amount of time you spend with her or tell her directly that the comments need to stop.

At the end of the day, remember that her issues are her own. This is a reflection of her own insecurities, not anything to do with you and your accomplishments. Keep focusing on your goals and don't let her bring you down. You've got this, girl!

[Nikki1989]

Her reaction seems to stem from jealousy and insecurity, rather than genuine concern or support. You probably need to set clear boundaries and avoid engaging in conversations that might trigger her negativity.

[AI Opinion]

Dealing with insecurity in family can be challenging. Firstly, it's essential to recognize your accomplishments and take pride in your hard work. Building confidence in your capabilities will help counter negative comments. Have a compassionate yet honest conversation with your aunt, expressing your desire to maintain a positive relationship and how her words affect you. Respect her achievements while gently asserting your own. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift and encourage you. Remember, her insecurities are not a reflection of your abilities. Personal growth and harmony are both goals worth pursuing.

[slatyb]

Congratulations. Do not doubt yourself.

Her academic achievement is her sole source of pride. Now you also have some success and she feels like you are barging into her place. You might try thanking her for being an example to you.

You do not have to listen to her negativity. You can call her on it or simply refuse to sit still and listen to her negativity.

Good luck with your future studies.

[Anonymous]

Try to get along