You've been recruited by the grammar police. Who you going after?

Question

Bad grammar is the biggest danger facing society today. Armed with only a dictionary, thesaurus, and an uzi, you've been tasked with stamping out bad grammar and making the world safe again.

But where are you starting?

Youve been recruited by the grammar police. Who you going after?

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Frankly, I feel a lot of grammar rules are wrong. From a scientific or engineering perspective, they are a disaster. Thus, those rules which are disasters, I ignore.

And a lot of organizations also don't bother with the rules of grammar which is why they have to publish "Style Guides". I am reminded of that great quote from compute scientist Andrew S. Tanenbaum:

"The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose from; furthermore, if you do not like any of them, you can just wait for next year's model."

Here's an example:

1. Lack of Oxford comma. I will never write a sentence that should have an Oxford comma but doesn't. Newspapers don't bother and that infuriates me. For example, this comes from the NY Times Style Guide:

Where’s the Comma?

Many traditionalists complain about what they view as a missing comma in a sentence like this: He bought apples, pears and bananas.

Style guides for book and academic publishing generally would insist on another comma after “pears,” the so-called serial comma or Oxford comma. But news writing has traditionally omitted the serial comma — perhaps seeking a more rapid feeling in the prose, or perhaps to save time and effort in the old days of manual typesetting.

We do use the additional comma in cases where a sentence would be awkward or confusing without it: Choices for breakfast included oatmeal, muffins, and bacon and eggs.

Organizations who do this should be fined millions of dollars just like what happened to this company in Maine.

Oxford Comma Dispute Is Settled as Maine Drivers Get $5 Million
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/09/us/oxford-comma-maine.html

2. Commas inside quotations in sentences. The US Style is to have the comma, which is NOT part of the quote, inside the sentence. The British Style is to do it properly: have the comma on the outside. I am an American, but fuck the US Style.

Example:
US: She said, "I'm leaving now," and closed the door.
UK: She said, "I'm leaving now", and closed the door.

3. Two spaces after the end of a sentence. Anyone who thinks this is obsolete is an idiot.

The reason for the single spacing goes back to newspapers which wanted to maximally utilize the space on a printed page. Later, in the early computer era, every single byte of memory that could be saved was important and, like it or not, that extra space takes up at least 1 byte.

The best reason for two-spaced is error detection and correction. In the old days when a typewriter had ribbons or even in today's printers, when the ink is running low, small punction marks like a period at the end of the sentence might not be printed. The two-space is a redundant way to tell you the end of the sentence. Without it, two sentences that are single-spaced apart and with a missing period after the first can lead to confusion. Fortunately, capitalization of the first letter often helps, but that's not always the case. In this day and age when we have AI systems reading materials to learn, it is imperative that we get it correct.

"Let's eat, Grandpa!"
"Let's eat Grandpa!"

>>>> Proper punctuation and grammar — they can be a life-saver.

WindAtMyBack · Accepted Answer

The more time I've spent teaching English, the more I'm against teaching more than VERY basic grammar. Harping on grammar is a disservice to the students.

I think teachers keep pushing grammar because it makes their job easier. It's easier to grade something objective like grammar than something subjective like real language.

If a significant number of people use language in a certain way, it's automatically :"correct". "Could of" is a good example of this. There is nothing wrong with saying ":could of".

A bunch of elitists in their ivory towers at Oxford and Harvard can't tell people how to talk.

A child is already fluent in their language before they even learn what a noun is. You don't need to teach them about grammar when they are already fluent.

RandomGirl42 · Accepted Answer

Oh, I am so guilty of the text messaging type writing. 😳 What really, really makes me cringe though is when people say "merch" instead of "merchandise". Like, omg, come on, people! It's a whole 3 syllables! You can manage to say it!

They should have to wear a dunce cap while writing out "merchandise" 500 times.

lilBigPotato · Accepted Answer

It's more likely that I'll get arrested than recruited by them. But if I need to choose, I'd say mixing up then/than.

Advisor Smith · Accepted Answer

I'd start with education systems, promoting strong grammar foundations. By equipping educators with effective tools, students can develop essential communication skills early on. This proactive approach can create a ripple effect, enhancing overall communication standards and minimizing grammar issues in the future. Ultimately, a well-informed generation will be better equipped to navigate and improve societal communication challenges.

2

FunkyMonkee · Answer

People that start every sentence with the word, "So" or "I mean".
People who repeat, "is". "The problem is is...""
People that speak with redundancy. "The left wing, they like to..." You've JUST MENTIONED who you're talking about!! You don't NEED to add, "they"!! Just continue your statement!! "The left wing like to..."
People who say, "Good to go!" That's more of a personal one and reminds me of a night where a drunk driver I was in a car with, who said that A LOT nearly killed me by falling asleep at the wheel!! what does it even mean? What's wrong with, "Okay." Or "I'm ready." Or, "Let's go."?
People who write "Should OF" instead of "Should HAVE" or "Should've".
People who say "are" instead of "our".
People who write "woman" instead of "women" and vice versa.
People who write, "affect" instead of, "effect". 'How does that affect you?" "It doesn't. It effects me." To affect is to put on or fake something. Example, "Bill Mumy once asked Jon Harris why it is that, if he was born and raised in the Bronx, he speaks like he was born in England? Jon replied, "Affected, my dear boy, affected.". An effect is something caused by what someone said or did. Or, in the recording or movie world, a special effect. Jim said to her, "I hate you!" which had a profound effect upon her..
I'm sure there's a few others but, I'm about to fall asleep so, maybe later.

AviatorTom · Answer

I'd go after politicians and lawyers. They take the simplest thing and turn it into War and Peace, lots of mumbo jumbo, most of which is totally meaningless.

It's interesting that the original US Constitution that defined how to run a country is four pages long, while a simple budget bill to keep the country open was 18 pages, and a full budget bill is thousands of pages long.

Orion84 · Answer

I shall become... The Comma Crusader!

Champion to all who use the Oxford comma! We may be few, but we are mighty, and we shall not stand for those who believe it is outdated! 💪

The Comma Crusader shall strike fear into the hearts of high school and college kids everwhere! Never shall an essay, or thesis, be safe from my ever-vigilant gaze!

Together with my sidekick, the Semicolon Kid, we shall prevail!

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

People who use “of” where “have” is appropriate. I understand their mistake, but the fact that autocorrect won’t LET you make that mistake until you train it to, it’s pure ignorance. Far and away the worst grammatical error that i see most often.
The second closest is the misuse of “who” and “whom”. It’s SO easy to correct yourself that mistakes should mean execution. If you can’t do it right, then you don’t care. Therefore we have no use for you in human civilization. Buh-bye!

goaded · Answer

With my very first question on this site, about a decade ago:

Tarifa · Answer

As a linguist by profession, I spot mistakes everywhere: billboards, subtitles in movies and in news bulletins... Whenever I go to a restaurant, I'll have spotted about 10 mistakes in the menu before I even know what I'd like for dinner.

HawkPerception · Answer

Thankfully, Grammarly and auto correct exist nowadays, so you don't have to be an English major to have correct grammar and spelling.

exitseven · Answer

I would start with people on television. They constantly make grammatical errotrs, mis pronounce words and nobody uses correct punctuation. Everyone sees it and thinks ot is okay. Where I would start is when people drop the "t" in words. Instead of "bottle" they leave out the "T" and say "bo'el

Lliam · Answer

Punctuation matters!  There is a difference between "Let's eat, granny" and "Let's eat granny."

BCRanger10 · Answer

It would probably be easier for me to tell you who I'm  not  going after.

spartan55 · Answer

I am going to start an elite sub-unit of the Grammar Police, the Pronoun Police. That stupid we/they shit makes want to stick a fork in my eye.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

"Refute" rather than "rebut," "conversate"( which my late sister Karen hated) instead of "converse," "it isn't RAN right" which should be "it isn't RUN right." I can think of dozens of other misspelling and misstatements were I allotted the time.

OneViewpoint · Answer

I'm going after the same morons I've been going after my entire adult life. MAGA filth is a good example. Zero critical thinking skills. Zero written or verbal communication skills. And zero plans to change any of that.

RavVid · Answer

I gunning for those who use your instead of you're and folk who don't use apostrophes right. Got to stamp misuse before and after an s e, g. 's versus s' plus its versus it's

I'll make mint if I get commission.

pierre7i · Answer

Some grammatical mistakes are understandable but should of/could of are pure ignorance and indicate a lack of good education !

andreasderjuengere · Answer

1: erase microsoft 'word' 2: help America building their wall - and more walls overseas 3: ban Thai teachers from international travelling 4: burn all Chinese user manuals 5- learn French

Billlewis · Answer

Anyone who is a poor speller, but can somehow miraculously spell any word due to spellcheck... lol.

molonski2 · Answer

Start with.. " Me and my girlfriend went to the movies "  Agreed , bad grammar is destroying the worlds core , and it is vital.

Summeroflove · Answer

Lmao. I wished there was a position for that if you read most cops police reports you would be amazed.  😂

DryGermanGuy · Answer

"Could of/should of/might of", the repetitive "like", "literally", plural-apostrophes...

Iron_Man · Answer

The guy that says GTFOT that’s all he mostly says

ohsheeT · Answer

Myself first. . The ticket would read bad grammar. No punctuation And does not proof read

integrale77 · Answer

I'd bee a double agent to bring evrythin dwn from da inside

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I'm going after my own thesaurus, because dinosaurs are dangerous.

Nikki1989 · Answer

This is something that I endeavor to prevent.

msc545 · Answer

Everyone who doesn't know the difference between "affect" and "effect."

douride2 · Answer

Your kidding right. They must have the wrong person. If it wasn't for spell check I would be on the grammar police most wanted list.

CaptainSmartass · Answer

I'd start with schools. Weed out poor grammar from the start. Then I'd go after adults. Simples...

Paige90 · Answer

LOL... I saved the violation

LiamJHayden · Answer

The unnecessary comma as I am the chief violator and self-correction is important.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Any self-published author who doesn't use a good editor.

fivebyfour · Answer

It's spelled Uzi actually, not uzi lol,,,

NathanDavis · Answer

punctuation...

Alex-Snow · Answer

I would have to start with myself.

Shiprex · Answer

'Mercans haha don't got no y'all ya know

Staximus · Answer

I'm going after the entire Generation Z

Nemesis2k7 · Answer

The block button.

robocop666 · Answer

My grammar is terrible.

You've been recruited by the grammar police. Who you going after?

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